To feel furious with childminder in hairdresser...

[flatwhite]

Having my hair cut at local salon. Sat at sink having hair washed. Little boy about 21/2 yrs sitting strapped in buggy facing me. Surrounded by a few toys(on sofa by buggy) and holding a little book and reading to self.
I assumed mum had gone to toilet (or would be back in a minute) and I started interacting with child whilst head back having hair washed.
Child smiled at me and held out book
As if he wanted to be read to.
Hair washer asked if I wNted him to beloved closer to me (obv assuming he was mine)
I Said he was not my child but remarked I good he was sitting on his own and amusing self given young age.
A lady then sat back and peeped head out from her seat where she was having hair done. She smiled and I asked if this was her son. I also said "it breaks my heart that he is not protesting to sitting on his own"
She smiled back and tolde she was his childminder "and not to speak too soon"
Then went back to getting hair done.
I felt rather sad (i admit even tearful) I am a bit of a softie given I am mum of 2 boys age 3 and 7M and still breatfeeding DS2. So poss set off my hormones.
But is it unreasonable to feel angry with this woman. If she was mum it would be bad enough - ok to bring child to salon but at least seat him so you can talk to him not so he us facing awY from you and all alone. But she is being paid to look after this child.
I haven't said anything as prob not appropriate and not fair on child to make minder cross but finding experience difficult!

Break your heart REALLY break your heart do you honestly think children should be clutched to mothers breast for eternity bloody hell 1 it is nothing to do with you and 2 well it is nothing to do with you, breaks your heartjeezo

ha ha ha ha.

it breaks your heart to see a child playing alone

get a fucking grip op. my 4 were well able to play alone for quite a long time actually and I would worry if a child couldn't. are you one of these annoying helicopter parents?

I was a cm and run a fantastic business and was once asked to have a mindee during my holiday break. I said yes but had a hair appointment so took child with me.

mum was very grateful.

don't be so melodramatic and judgy.

the relationship between parents and mindees is very different for each child/ minder and family.

and not to be mean but if you find this experience difficult I.e a child sat in a warm safe place with toys and a responsible adult caring for them perhaps you need some councelling.

I don't think you are unreasonable to be concerned that a childminder is conducting private business when she should be looking after her charges. As a former cm I would never have considered doing this; it is unprofessional.

I would say however that you don't know the circumstances of this incident. The parent may in fact be aware that the cm is having her hair done, perhaps the cm is actually supervising the child in her own time as a favour to the parent (because of some emergency for example). Some things are not what they seem.

In my experience, I have never met a cm who would take their minded child/children to wait at the hairdressers while cm had hair done.

Perhaps you mean Disheartened?

Anyway, not too worried by the situation you described, but maybe it felt 'off' in some way and you're perfectly entitled to feel that way.

Broke your heart, ffs, dramatic much!! i bet you're one of those women who'll have their child tethered to their breast when they're toddlers

Yes, YABU and really do need a grip (my first one )
If CM took dc there on a weekly basis, then no, that wouldn't be reasonable, but if - for any one of the dozens of reasons already listed - it was a one off, then I really don't see the problem.
To my mind, the real advantage of my dc going to a CM rather than a Nursery was that they did do all the things they would have done if at home with me, and all the "knowledge of the World" that gives them. It would be great to think they were able to entertain themselves with a book for 20mins or so.
I really, really cannot understand why on earth this would upset anyone.

There is nothing more aggravating than being casually told by someone who is nothing to do with you, how you ought to be looking after your own child.

"Should he not have a hat on? Poor wee soul...you tell your mummy you need a hat on, that's right...you tell her!" etc etc...you all know the script.
According to my overbearing ex neighbour, my ds1 was always a poor wee soul.

If my childminder did something like that with my children she would find herself out of a job very quickly,when she's looking after my children she's at work and getting paid very well for it she should do stuff like that in personal time not work time.

It broke your heart and you actually said that to the person caring for him?? Unbelievable

I'm still struggling to believe anyone would say something so rude to a stranger, completely unprompted. Are you often like this OP?

The OP hasn't come back. Maybe she's nursing that broken heart Are you always this melodramatic op

The saddest thing i've seen here is the rudeness of the OP in believing that she had the right to comment in the first place.

Break your heart? That's the shittiest kind of judging there is. Ignorant and plain rude.

I love my ds, I love my hairdresser. I don't want to go to a frigging child friendly salon. I want my own space, my own hour to not have to worry about A.N Other being.

The fact that my hairdresser has had to ban under 10s due to ineffective parenting is sad.

Kids today need to know how to behave in adult space; cocooning them, or having them over run every situation won't help them be successful and socially acceptable adults.

Shoving a flaming ipad in their hands isn't the way to do this, that's perpetuation of the need for constant stimulus.

My son knows when he's in adult space and he's expected to behave. He does, and he's constantly complimented on his behaviour, his manners and on occasion has even had old ladies giving him 'tips' :)

This is AIBU. The OP is U. Insufficient facts, judginess in abundance.

It's how childminding works, they get a bit of their own life done around looking after other people's kids. I wouldn't mind as long as every day wasn't like that.

If my childminder did something like that with my children she would find herself out of a job very quickly,when she's looking after my children she's at work and getting paid very well for it she should do stuff like that in personal time not work time.

That's fair enough, but that wasn't actually the point of the OP.

She was posting about her own "heartbreak" at seeing a child sitting quietly- not the CM's possible misuse of paid working time.

sovery - that's per child. So, looking after 2 children would give them £8 an hour income, 3children = £12 an hour, etc. (obviously some expenses to come out of that)

It breaks my heart when I meet children who can't entertain themselves for a minute, or who think that everything revolves around them.

It does children good, in my opinion, to go to B&Q on a Sunday afternoon or indeed sit at the hairdressers.

I have always had to take my daughters wherever I go. I would take one or two toys but I would expect them to behave. Last week I flew 26 hours with them by myself. And they were brilliant.

A CM is paid to care for a child not be an all-singing all-dancing entertainment machine.She is not even a nursery
A CM is supposed to bring up the child in a normal family environment in which their own children would be brought up.And yes I would have taken my DC for a trim.

I hope the OP has access to some councilling to help her overcome her heartbreak
This thread has given me a real laugh

I'm not sure if this has already been said, but did the op ask the 'childminder' if she was indeed a 'registered childminder' or is she assuming this? She may be just 'the lady down the road, who offered to look after the child as a favour', who says she is childminding when really she is watching the child as a favour. There is a massive difference. But either way, I can't see it would be heartbreaking for a child to be sitting contentedly in a buggy while the woman gets her hair cut. Clearly it's not that odd to take a child to the hair dressers if the hair dresser asked if you wanted the buggy moving closer. I personally wouldn't take dc with me, but that's because it is my treat to go the hair dresser and I wouldn't want my very short child free time being interrupted by them.

It may only be me, but why talk to a child that you don't know in the first place.

The thing is though, you made your comment - and judgement - before you knew he was with a cm. he could just as easily been with his mum. So you aren't at all interested in the ins and outs of childminding ettiquette. You simply think there is something wrong with a child who is able to amuse themselves quietly for half an hour. Which is a bit... Daft IMO.