To feel furious with childminder in hairdresser...

[flatwhite]

Having my hair cut at local salon. Sat at sink having hair washed. Little boy about 21/2 yrs sitting strapped in buggy facing me. Surrounded by a few toys(on sofa by buggy) and holding a little book and reading to self.
I assumed mum had gone to toilet (or would be back in a minute) and I started interacting with child whilst head back having hair washed.
Child smiled at me and held out book
As if he wanted to be read to.
Hair washer asked if I wNted him to beloved closer to me (obv assuming he was mine)
I Said he was not my child but remarked I good he was sitting on his own and amusing self given young age.
A lady then sat back and peeped head out from her seat where she was having hair done. She smiled and I asked if this was her son. I also said "it breaks my heart that he is not protesting to sitting on his own"
She smiled back and tolde she was his childminder "and not to speak too soon"
Then went back to getting hair done.
I felt rather sad (i admit even tearful) I am a bit of a softie given I am mum of 2 boys age 3 and 7M and still breatfeeding DS2. So poss set off my hormones.
But is it unreasonable to feel angry with this woman. If she was mum it would be bad enough - ok to bring child to salon but at least seat him so you can talk to him not so he us facing awY from you and all alone. But she is being paid to look after this child.
I haven't said anything as prob not appropriate and not fair on child to make minder cross but finding experience difficult!

It isn't...unless you're one of those people who can't bear not to have every single second of your day centred around your child.

These are the people that you can't have a complete conversation with because you have to keep pausing to focus on whatever childish drivel their kid has chosen to interrupt with at that particular moment. The same people who get up and leave you sitting on your own in their kitchen, so they can read a story/play a game/sing a song/whatever in the middle of your visit.

"So sorry...back in a jiffy! Yes darling...I'm coming!!"

Gawd.

There's no problem for him keeping himself entertained... Actually, playing independently is something a lot of children struggle with, so I don't see a problem, as long as he isn't being neglected all the time, which you couldn't possibly know.

If the mum was paying her to take him to the park, and instead she went to the salon, then obviously that would be a problem, but you don't know that either, do you? She could be a full time nanny type of child minder, or it could have been arranged as a short notice emergency, with the mum saying it was fine to take him along while the child minder does her personal errands that day.

Err, kotinka, there is quite a gap between the type of parenting that pictish describes and not "giving a fuck" about your children!

I really can't see what's wrong with any of this and a grown adult should be able to cope and understand that your kids' needs sometimes come before a guest's

But when your kid isn't a baby anymore and is a two year old, and the need to feed every thirty seconds or hold or whatever is surely done with, then why is it unreasonable to think you should at her least be able to put a DVD on and have ten mins to finish a sentence and a coffee?

And why is entertaining themselves not seemed a need. At ore school thy have to take turns, learn some independence believe me that staff member won't be glued to your child. You do them no favours by not allowing them to go off and play alone

Personally, if I invite someone round a for a coffee and a catch up, I prefer to focus on them for the hour that they're there, and have a conversation with them, while the kids are occupying themselves playing or whatever.
How frightfully negligent of me .

You can't see what's wrong with leaving a guest while you trot off and play?

Sheesh! How on earth would that kind of parent be able to create a fully functioning adult?

That's the kind of parent that has to send their uni going child to Uni prep courses to teach them to cook for themselves, wash, and iron their clothes at huge expense because heli-mum's always done it for them.

That's the kind of parent that monopolies the pirate ship at the adventure playground in swarms and poor ol' tarquin can't imagine jack shit for himself because his play has always been directed.

Let kids be kids, show them the world, how to interact and how to make the most of what they have.

A little boredom will do them more good than hyperstimulation or an ipad thrust at them the second there's a lull.

Priorities? What like actually showering and getting dressed and eating? Is that not a priority over a 50th rerun of that's not my kitten?

Oh ffs twenty mins is hardly abandonment is it. Good grief . Waiting their turn, patience, confidence to explore, letting others talk are all vital life skills. What happens when they go to school and have to wait in line or be quiet while teacher or other kids talk.

I can see exactly what Pictish is getting at and it's nothing to do with your kids being taught to be ignored!

I dont see trhe problem with this, if it was mum or a childminders it's fien. Infact if I had to work anand use childcare I would choose a childminder for a young child precisely because they would be getting the same!e kind of care that I would give them.

The kid was sat happily in a buggy for a bit, watching the world go by amd entertainign themselves.

I agree with Pictish when I invite a friend round we do it so we can chat whilst the kids play,yes we interact with them but sometimes they have to wait etc. Thats fine. Even without friemds round my own kids have to wait sometimes because I am busy and because there are five of them and only one of me.

I listen to my kids' kiddy nonsense all the doodle day long. It's brilliant to have some adult conversation for a change, when a friend pops round.
Thank God my kids have the ability to amuse themselves for a while, so I can enjoy it, without having to deal with constant interruptions.

Kontika I'm not sure what your seeing in the post but from where I am sitting you seem to be essentially agreeing.

Of course no one would mind if the child needed/wanted something but there's nothing wrong with them being left to their own devices when you entertain a visitor. Bloody Nora.

You're welcome *k' :)

Well Kotinka any of us with half a brain knows when our child really needs to say something. And we also know when it's irrelevent gubbins, and at that point we say "tell me about it later...I'm talking to xxx just now"

Unless you're the type of parent I was describing...who will repeatedly halt the conversation for however long it takes for said child to exhaust their irrelevent gubbins to their enraptured parent, while their guest smiles politely and wonders why they bothered turning up. Kwim?