Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel furious with childminder in hairdresser...

215 replies

flatwhite · 11/12/2013 13:45

Having my hair cut at local salon. Sat at sink having hair washed. Little boy about 21/2 yrs sitting strapped in buggy facing me. Surrounded by a few toys(on sofa by buggy) and holding a little book and reading to self.
I assumed mum had gone to toilet (or would be back in a minute) and I started interacting with child whilst head back having hair washed.
Child smiled at me and held out book
As if he wanted to be read to.
Hair washer asked if I wNted him to beloved closer to me (obv assuming he was mine)
I Said he was not my child but remarked I good he was sitting on his own and amusing self given young age.
A lady then sat back and peeped head out from her seat where she was having hair done. She smiled and I asked if this was her son. I also said "it breaks my heart that he is not protesting to sitting on his own"
She smiled back and tolde she was his childminder "and not to speak too soon"
Then went back to getting hair done.
I felt rather sad (i admit even tearful) I am a bit of a softie given I am mum of 2 boys age 3 and 7M and still breatfeeding DS2. So poss set off my hormones.
But is it unreasonable to feel angry with this woman. If she was mum it would be bad enough - ok to bring child to salon but at least seat him so you can talk to him not so he us facing awY from you and all alone. But she is being paid to look after this child.
I haven't said anything as prob not appropriate and not fair on child to make minder cross but finding experience difficult!

OP posts:
Original poster
flatwhite · 11/12/2013 15:11

It feels like the context is getting lost here.
I shared it.
I mAintain it.
I am sorry many of you feel I am schmaltzy and meddlesome etc
It was not my intention.
Im home now with my LO so need to step out the frying pan.
Thank you for your comments

OP posts:
greenfolder · 11/12/2013 15:13

Have you ever thought that you are projecting your values onto this?

Dd2 spent a very happy year with a childminder-one on one most of the day-walking to the parkn going shopping, bank, doctors, dentists, hairdressers and everywhere. She loved it. She was always good at sitting nicely in a buggy and would engage with anyone.

Original poster
flatwhite · 11/12/2013 15:14

I mean I shared a feeling I had... Sorry

OP posts:
pictish · 11/12/2013 15:15

I assumed mum had gone to toilet (or would be back in a minute) and I started interacting with child whilst head back having hair washed.Child smiled at me and held out book.As if he wanted to be read to.

And this most minor of interactions led to you feeling entitled to pass comment did it? He held out his book, so must be feeling neglected?

Toddlers love showing things to people. Here is a book. Here is a toy. Here is a half chewed cereal bar. Here is my shoe.
It indicates nothing.

Gileswithachainsaw · 11/12/2013 15:19

I want to know how people shower in mornings before work/taking kids out.

I thought setting kids up with toys/books/DVD and /or positioning children for maximum viewing/light was pretty standard in many situations to buy you time to bath or shower or drink a coffee, get a hair cut, fill out forms at the bank etc.

ReallyOverThis · 11/12/2013 15:20

OP, get a grip. Then go to dictionary . com and look up "heartening".

CaptainTripps · 11/12/2013 15:21

flatwhite - you and your post sound a little strange. Sorry. But they do.

JollySantersSelectionBox · 11/12/2013 15:21

Well if she is a paid CM and she didn't okay it with the parent she will have to explain her lovely new hairstyle at pick up tonight won't she?

If my CM ok'd it with me, and it wasn't a 4 hour highlight/lowlight Brazilian blowout marathon I'd be fine about it. Perhaps she had her husbands Christmas party to attend and needed a specific appt for that day?

Our CM used to take the kids to soft play once a week. So what if he read the paper. Was he supposed to fit in the slide or bounce on the trampolines for 2 hours. The kids were all over 4 years old. They just needed regular supervision not 120 minutes of someone singing "The wheels on the bus" in their face constantly.

gobbynorthernbird · 11/12/2013 15:21

I am sorry many of you feel I am schmaltzy and meddlesome etc
It was not my intention.
What was your intention when slagging off the carer of a child who seems to be being looked after perfectly well? What would your reaction be to a child who refuses to be put down, is constantly demanding, and a carer who encourages this?
And, by the way, if something is heartening it is giving you strength and hope.

Ephiny · 11/12/2013 15:22

My dog likes to bring things to show people. Someone call the RSPCA! Hmm

Gileswithachainsaw · 11/12/2013 15:24

:o epihany

Crowler · 11/12/2013 15:26

I would have laughed at you OP. "My heart breaks for that child" should be used never sparingly and certainly not in this instance.

I'd be irritated if someone I was paying took my child to the hairdresser for long periods on a regular basis, but who really cares about these sorts of things on a one-off basis?

Tailtwister · 11/12/2013 15:27

It wouldn't break my heart, but I would be very annoyed if that was my child and I was essentially paying my CM to get her hair done!

However, it could have been pre-agreed with the mother of the child so it's not possible to know the whole story.

BeCool · 11/12/2013 15:30

"It feels like the context is getting lost here."
flatwhite this is how it works - you asked the question AIBU? and now you are getting the answers.

OBitchery · 11/12/2013 15:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Gileswithachainsaw · 11/12/2013 15:31

exactly tail. It easily could have been a last minute switch around or a favour and it coincided with a pre booked appointment so he took him along.

OBitchery · 11/12/2013 15:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Pawprint · 11/12/2013 15:33

YABU.

I don't think the boy sounded like he was having a bad time and his childminder was still there looking after him. You can't assume that his mum/dad didn't know the CM was taking him to her hair appointment.

Crowler · 11/12/2013 15:33

Eh. I think it's good for kids to be bored every now and again. The only reason I wouldn't take mine to the hairdresser is because it's annoying for me.

YourMaNoBraBackOfMyCar · 11/12/2013 15:43

Not going to have a go at you but it sounds like he's a lovely patient little boy and a credit to his parents and possibly his CM. My dd wouldn't have sat there and self entertained. Last week my sister was shouted at for having her dd looking dirty, barelegged and wearing sandals in the cold. She didn't have the time or inclination to inform the woman concerned that it wasn't her child and she had just been picked up from a struggling household for the day and my sister was taking her out for some new clothes, coat and shoes. Social workers dont just sit at desks. It was the same when she was pushing one little boy around in a manky food encrusted buggy tryi g to find him some socks before having new shoes fitted.

ActionA · 11/12/2013 16:05

You are "heartbroken" and "furious" at a kid sitting quite happily on it's own for half an hour, with some toys in a safe environment? Really? Jeez, some people need to get a life.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 11/12/2013 16:11

What is the issue really?

Is it that the child was being looked after at the hairdressers by a childminder or that you judged he shouldn't be entertained/occupied?

The first is none of your concern as you don't know what the arrangements are, so speculating is pointless.

The second should not 'break your heart'. Perhaps you are hormonal as you suggested but I think it's a ridiculously OTT reaction and you have no business, in this instance, in feeling furious, heartbroken, 'devastated' - or any other overused hyperbole. Your comment would have been better left unsaid because it does sound silly.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 11/12/2013 16:12

... shouldn't be left alone but be entertained/occupied.

Jellytotsforme · 11/12/2013 16:18

I would be annoyed if I was paying this woman to look after my child if she had not discussed it with me previously

I don't take my own child into a hairdressers when I am having my hair done and certainly wouldn't expect someone else to do it. Unless this is a one off, I think she is crossing the line as to what is acceptable

malovitt · 11/12/2013 16:44

I am a CM but don't work on Fridays. Need one day off a week to catch up with everything as I work very long hours on the other four days.

In the past, when a parent has an emergency and they need me for a few hours on a Friday, I will agree when I can to help them out, but make it clear that their child will have to accompany me to Ikea for tea lights, Oxford Street for a gift or a mooch around some charity shops as that is what I planned for that day. I will not be glueing, sticking, making gingerbread men and reading a thousand stories.

They are always happy with this. I have had to take a well behaved minded child along for a haircut and a manicure/pedicure once as I was going to a wedding that afternoon but the parents were desperate (child would have had to sit with their distressed parents in the waiting room of the local A&E for four hours) and had no-one else to ask.

You really don't know what the situation was, op.

Swipe left for the next trending thread