To feel furious with childminder in hairdresser...

[flatwhite]

Having my hair cut at local salon. Sat at sink having hair washed. Little boy about 21/2 yrs sitting strapped in buggy facing me. Surrounded by a few toys(on sofa by buggy) and holding a little book and reading to self.
I assumed mum had gone to toilet (or would be back in a minute) and I started interacting with child whilst head back having hair washed.
Child smiled at me and held out book
As if he wanted to be read to.
Hair washer asked if I wNted him to beloved closer to me (obv assuming he was mine)
I Said he was not my child but remarked I good he was sitting on his own and amusing self given young age.
A lady then sat back and peeped head out from her seat where she was having hair done. She smiled and I asked if this was her son. I also said "it breaks my heart that he is not protesting to sitting on his own"
She smiled back and tolde she was his childminder "and not to speak too soon"
Then went back to getting hair done.
I felt rather sad (i admit even tearful) I am a bit of a softie given I am mum of 2 boys age 3 and 7M and still breatfeeding DS2. So poss set off my hormones.
But is it unreasonable to feel angry with this woman. If she was mum it would be bad enough - ok to bring child to salon but at least seat him so you can talk to him not so he us facing awY from you and all alone. But she is being paid to look after this child.
I haven't said anything as prob not appropriate and not fair on child to make minder cross but finding experience difficult!

Not even I do that!

I think part of the problem with the uppity-ness of parents when it comes to childminders going to the hairdresser and what not, is that although they have paid for a childminder, they think they have employed a nanny.

They expect a lot for a comparative little. There's often threads on here from disgruntled parents who are aggrieved that their little gem has been taken to the supermarket (I don't pay her to do her shopping on my time!), or visiting friends, or going to tots group (I don't pay her to ignore my child while she drinks coffee with her friends!).

A childminder is exactly that - she or he minds your kid for you, while they get on with their day...and that's not all craft projects and baking! Sometimes it's mundane stuff too.

They would get a shock in a nursery. Kids are left to their own devices. They are structured activities like story time snack time but the kids decide what to do. They are supervised and talked to but they go and choose what they want to do and are left to it.

They still have to adhere to all the ofsted stuff. Dont they?

Are there any childminders on this thread? Would you really take your mindee to the hairdressers?

The thing is, having your hair done is a leisurely thing. Its not like a doctors appointment/chemist pick up/supermarket run, its not a need and the childminder has her own time to have her hair done. Evenings and weekends.

Giles, are you really comparing the inside of a nursery to the inside of a salon.

When we change the home corner in YR you can always see the children who have never been to a vet, travel agent, shoe shop and dare I say, hairdressers.

Lol at getting your hair done in the evenings. Last mindee goes at 6.30, you're lucky if you have a place stay open that late! And remember a CM doesn't have a lunch break like most of the population

There are plenty of circumstances where I would be fine with a CM taking my child while she had her hair done.

I might have asked for last minute care and she already had plans, but said she could take him. She might have a special occasion coming up and asked if it was OK just this once. She might have said upfront in her contract that she gets her hair down once a month or something.

The assumption that the parents don't know could be wrong.

Jodie, Ive had my hair done at 8pm numerous times. Because I have kids, thats the sort of time I have to do it.

Theres this thing called 'mobile hair dressers' for the likes of those who cant get their hair done during the day.

Theres also the weekends.

Honestly, it really isnt rocket science.

No, I'm saying that whatever setting you use there isn't going to be someone there holding your child's hand all day long. That all this "I'm paying her to entertain/occupy/carry the child the whole time" is nonsense. Self settling and self entertainment is encouraged and expected and a child is not neglected if he's not being spoken to or "entertained" personally for twenty mins.

Some people on this thread seem to think that the earth orbits their child and that any time on their own is unacceptable. But you don't get that constant 1:1 anywhere and kids need to learn to wait/take turns/deal with a situation where it's not all about them etc

Oh in that case you are missing the point entirely.

The problem is that the minder has taken the mindee on a leisurely activity for which she is being paid.

And for all we know it was a last minute switch around, a favour and the parents know all about it.

op assumed the kid was neglected and used to being left on the basis he had a toy and was quietly playing until she came along and started playing with him.

She saw one tiny snap shot, the kid has probably son a ton of other stuff and a quiet day doing some shopping and a trip to the hairdresser is no big deal on top of all the other stuff.

Done

The fact that there were no other kids with her could easily mean she actually had scheduled a day/morning off.

I do think the role and expectations of childminders has changed over the years it used to be a woman- person who looked after your child a babysitter that was Crb checked and many minders took up minding to fit in with their own life, now minders are expected to be nursery workers and amuse children all day long and fill in paper work and log books for their little charges, and some parents are now seeing minders as a alternative to nursery and have very high expectations, cm was supposed to be a child care service that replicated homelife, which is a shame it is changing imo .

"The problem is that the minder has taken the mindee on a leisurely activity for which she is being paid."

Or she is expanding the child's view of the world, like Sesame Street used to, by singing "the people in my neighbourhood" song.

I think CM's should be taking children to Supermarkets/hairdressers etc, it is unnatural for children to have constant play/attention and the day be set up around every one of their needs.

We have things that have to be done and I wonder if some of the threads involving children that cannot even be taken shopping/restaurant/hotel, are because they are put into unnatural settings from practically birth and the day is organised around their wants.

There has never been anyone who is giving the message that all day every day isn't play time and life can be pretty much mundane, so get over it.

My Mum was my "CM", my children were put in every situation that they would have to be in, to function as adults, two of my DD's had SN, it did them the world of good to be taught and shown life skills.

Ask any Child HP, we are not doing children any favours by loading them into cars, ferry them about and not allowing them to get bored.

Children learn a lot by being out and about in every day society. It builds confidence, you can see the difference in teenagers that have been cosseted.

OP you are being ridiculous and over emotional. Children have different personalities, my middle DD was very independent from around 6 months old, in terms of being content. My eldest, from around 4, preferred to play on her own for hours, using her imagination. My youngest wouldn't be put down until she was 2, then she permanently carried soft toys around with her.

"cm was supposed to be a child care service that replicated homelife, which is a shame it is changing imo ."

That's what I was trying to say.

that is what you did say Birdsgpttafly we said the same things My friend has been a minder since our dds started primary she loves her job but 10 years later she doesn't take them to town like she used too or go to the bank or diddle about she now has to do child centred activities she still likes her job but is a bit sad about the changes that have been made

I'd actually be grateful it wasn't me who had to teach my did how to behave in a shop or whatever :o

Id have gladly passed that responsibility over!!

I often see CMs out and about in town shopping with the kids, stopping off for a drink and a snack, picking up some stuff to decorate biscuits or just out walking the dog.

I think my friend has to write up some sort of report if she takes her charges out she does take them places but it is to suit them if that makes sense

So how exactly do they play with the kids when stuck doing reports all the time? Surely that detracts from their job more than any trip out to a hair dresser would.

she does it in her own time TBf but of course she doesn't get paid for her own time

I agree it's a shame that childminding is now less about home life. When DS1 went a CM (years ago), I loved it that he got to go about normal life. His CM was great.

I wouldn't have minded her taking him to the hairdresser with her. I'd've thought she was being very silly, because I can't imagine why you'd want to take a small child with you if you can avoid it, but I wouldn't have seen it as a problem.

OP: whatever you may think, saying 'it break my heart that he's just sitting on his own' cannot be anything other than judgmental. Why would you ever say that to anyone about how they're looking after a child in their care?

I agree that the OP doesn't have all the facts. I think the key here is does the parent know? If they do - then fine, if they don't - then arguably the CM (if she is indeed a CM) is possibly not providing the service they are being paid for. Generally I don't think hairdressers are places for children (including my own). I go in there for a bit of relaxation.

What the OP has said is how it made her feel. She was making assumptions, but some of the posts on this thread are aggressive and not helpful at all

years ago when my dd had a childminder, the CM took her out and about everywhere, as well as doing lots of home based stuff, and pottering around her fabulous garden, which i was enormously grateful to her for ( cos i'm rubbish at anything green)
she may well have gone to the hairdressers on occassion, i wouldn't have cared one iota.