Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wish feel a bit sad that my friends didn't even want to try breastfeeding?

404 replies

ClaireandGeorge · 22/11/2013 08:40

I know I'm probably going to get flamed for this.
Saw a friend with her 3 day old baby and she was moaning as her boobs were engorged and sore and I couldn't help but feel a bit sad that, that milk was meant for baby.
I understand a lot of women try and struggle or have problems that mean they can't. I totally get breastfeeding is difficult.
Another friend didn't want to breastfeed as her partner had said her boobs were for sex.
I guess what I'm trying to say is I understand it's a free world and we can all choose to do as we so wish. I have absolutely nothing against formula and I know plenty of beautiful babies and children that have thrived on it. It's just that it makes me a bit sad that my friends have chosen to ignore mother nature and not even give it a go.

OP posts:
BobPatSamandIgglePiggle · 22/11/2013 08:41

Nothing to do with you how they choose to feed. Keep your nose out.

gobbynorthernbird · 22/11/2013 08:44

You probably also know people who've chosen to ignore mother nature by not dying during labour. Are you as judgy about them?

monkeyfacegrace · 22/11/2013 08:44

Drop them like a hot stone. I HATE people who openly abuse babies.

TheGreatWizardQuiQuaeQuod · 22/11/2013 08:44

It's their choice. whatever you think about it is best kept to yourself. Which I assume you are doing. I hope you haven't taken it upon yourself to say anything to them.

btw - this is going to kick off. ff/bf debates, particularly with such an OP, do not end well.

People take it personally.

SteamWisher · 22/11/2013 08:44

I would feel the same but I'd keep it to myself obviously. It is a shame, but there you go.

As for the one who's partner said boobs are for sex, so are fanjos. Did he make her have a c-section FFS?!

AppleYumYum · 22/11/2013 08:45

I agree, it is a bit sad to not even try, especially not to at least give them the colostrum, that's surely more important than seeing your boobs as sexual tools only. The page 3 culture in this country doesn't help Hmm.

WooWooOwl · 22/11/2013 08:45

I'm not sure whether YABU to be sad or not. I think it is sad for the babies that their parents don't want to even try to do what they know is best for them, but it wouldn't make me feel sad.

HarderToKidnap · 22/11/2013 08:46

I kind of agree. I see lots of women with engorged boobs, baby rooting desperately and trying to latch on through their jumpers, whilst the mums tell me about how sore their engorgement is and how much formula should baby take etc. it's a bit, not sad exactly, but a bit like Mother Nature and baby are putting all the pieces right in front of mum, and she's oblivious. It's a wee bit of a shame, I suppose. Especially as all these women were living somewhere where breast feeding is seen as culturally really disgusting and wrong, and that's the reason they've chosen not to try.

Of course, bodily autonomy is paramount. I support anyone's right not to breast feed. But it is a bit sad.

TheGreatWizardQuiQuaeQuod · 22/11/2013 08:46

oh, but if you are saying that you have a friend who has a partner who has forbidden her from breasfeeding but she wanted to, but he demands that she does not because he feels that her breasts exist exclusively for his sexual pleasure then you have a friend with a problem. Just not the one you think...

AngelsLieToKeepControl · 22/11/2013 08:47

Be sad for the children in the world who aren't being fed, instead of pitying children who are being fed in a perfectly acceptable way.

RevengeWiggle · 22/11/2013 08:48

I'm sure they are capable of making their own decisions which will be based on what is best for them, their baby, their situation. It's not all about boobs full of milk = easy breastfeeding. Her partner is a complete tool for his comment and I'm surprised she took it seriously.

Minnieisthedevilmouse · 22/11/2013 08:49

Why post if you know the answer?

Do you seriously think this helps debate? You seem to be assuming they are not for vanity reasons?!?

RevengeWiggle · 22/11/2013 08:49

And you don't know that they haven't tried, maybe baby can't latch? You really don't know. I wouldn't want to discuss my problems with someone so judgemental either.

themaltesefalcon · 22/11/2013 08:50

Let's slap some other women down for no reason whatsoever.

Yeah, that feels gooooooood.

Lambzig · 22/11/2013 08:50

Mind your own business. Perhaps they don't want to share real reasons, or difficulties they are having with someone as judgey as you.

Original poster
ClaireandGeorge · 22/11/2013 08:51

I never said she wss neglecting her. Baby is being well cared for and fed. Just that it makes ME feel a bit sad and of course I didn't say anything. In fact when chatting she said about all the advice she'd been given I told her that she was the mum and to go with what she felt best.
Since when is dying during childbirth the natural option?

OP posts:
TobyLerone · 22/11/2013 08:51

I don't think the OP sounds like she is judging at all.

YANBU, OP. But this won't go well. A lot of people who FFed their babies from birth are very defensive about it.

ICameOnTheJitney · 22/11/2013 08:52

Toby and why shouldn't they be? It's got fuck all to do with anyone else.

gobbynorthernbird · 22/11/2013 08:54

Since when is dying during childbirth the natural option?
Since the dawn of time until fairly recently, except if you don't have access to good medical care pre-natally and during childbirth, in which case it is still the natural option.

WorraLiberty · 22/11/2013 08:57

I think you're disguising your judgment with 'sadness' to be honest.

And as for "Another friend didn't want to breastfeed as her partner had said her boobs were for sex"...that's a nice little inflammatory line.

wigglesrock · 22/11/2013 08:58

I formula fed all my 3 children from birth, through choice. I'm not defensive, it's what I chose to do, I've never regretted it. I feel no need to defend it, because it's my choice. In the same way I will make millions of choice for my kids from the school they go to, to what age they can get their ears pierced at Smile

No-one is ever unreasonable to feel a certain way but I'm sure at some point she will feel sad about a parenting choice you make.

SugarMiceInTheRain · 22/11/2013 08:58

FWIW it makes me sad too. Lots of my friends didn't even try. One of them wanted to but didn't because her husband felt weird about her BFing in front of him and their older sons Hmm so she never tried it even though she had wanted to.

themaltesefalcon · 22/11/2013 08:59

I agree with Jitney et al (and my kid never had a drop of formula in her life- not that it makes one bit of difference to anyone else).

Of all the things to be sad about, OP, that is daft.

IneedAsockamnesty · 22/11/2013 09:00

Toby and why shouldn't they be? It's got fuck all to do with anyone else

Because its got fuck all to do with everyone else and because if people who are comfortable with their choices who genuinely believe it does not matter,do not need to be defensive.

ICameOnTheJitney · 22/11/2013 09:00

And what Worra said...with bells on. OP save your "sadness" for children who are currently starving and homeless in countries less fortunate than ours.