To wish feel a bit sad that my friends didn't even want to try breastfeeding?

[ClaireandGeorge]

I know I'm probably going to get flamed for this.
Saw a friend with her 3 day old baby and she was moaning as her boobs were engorged and sore and I couldn't help but feel a bit sad that, that milk was meant for baby.
I understand a lot of women try and struggle or have problems that mean they can't. I totally get breastfeeding is difficult.
Another friend didn't want to breastfeed as her partner had said her boobs were for sex.
I guess what I'm trying to say is I understand it's a free world and we can all choose to do as we so wish. I have absolutely nothing against formula and I know plenty of beautiful babies and children that have thrived on it. It's just that it makes me a bit sad that my friends have chosen to ignore mother nature and not even give it a go.

shroom, do feel free to share what part of the UK you live in so if i visit the place again I can make sure we never, ever meet.

Why do bf pushers think they are more intelligent than anyone else? Weird and very sad and sounds like other insecurities and inadequacies make them need to feel better about themselves. I like formula, I like capitalism so I genuinely do not give an arse about the insecure bf bullies.

I find it sad when mums won't even try to bf, won't even give it a go, when breast milk is better. And I do see it as everyone's business. That is why the NHS (funded by the state) pays so much to promote it. Child health and welfare is everyone's business.

OP as someone who was pressured into not breast feeding, I have found this thread very interesting. My sister who ff by choice and never tried bf, has read it and was not in any way offended. She is not a mumsnetter and was shocked by those people attacking you and apparently all breast feeding mums.

She says that she felt weird about it and that if there were more people bf she might have tried. She lacks confidence sometimes and didn't want to stand out.

I support the choice of women to feed their child however they choose. But if starting discussions like this is taboo as some posters seem to think it should be, then their choices can never be entirely free. Discussion, communication and information are the key to making good choices.

Fwiw, ds says she'd have been even more reluctant to try bf if she'd read the vitriol on this thread upwards Jose that do and dare to talk about it

Upwards Jose- towards those

What's Jose opinion about this?

He says goats milk is best anyway hopes people remember goats thread

He's a wise man indeed.

I have many thoughts on this but just want to make one point. If like claire we are unable to even mention feeding methods to our friends etc for fear of causing offence, women who want to bf won't have the benefit of other women's support and experience on an everyday basis. Not everyone wants to or should have to ring a helpline - maybe if mothers who are experienced in bf did tactfully offer advice to other mothers who want to bf then more women would be able to enjoy bf.

I have had similar moments to claire. For instance recently where someone who intended to bf has not bf on day two and I have not been sure whether to offer advice - the reason they gave sounded like very bad advice had been given and things could definitely be changed. I feel bad that I didn't speak up - what a dilemma - for fear of hurting her feelings. I don't think it is unreasonable to want to offer advice from a position of experience, to a friend, on such an important matter ( I really disagree with those who say that how you feed your baby doesn't matter)

Societies with high bf rates have a very open attitude to bf and are used to seeing women bf. Whilst it is a sensitive subject for some people, I think that breastfeeding is becoming more and mor of a taboo subject, and that is very sad.

Yes!

If I felt sad re every parenting choice I feel is important I'd be consistently blubbering.

Mums who don't read to their dc everyday or buy books preferring to waste money on plastic tat is my biggest bug bear(has a far bigger impact too).

Mums who use TV as wallpaper.

Mums who don't provide a sit down meal in order to promote good language skills.

Mums who don't provide 5 a day.

Mums who let their kids eat waaaaay too much red crappy meat.

Mums who don't give their kids enough time in the proper great out doors.

.......

Mums who spend waaaay too much time on their phones instead of talking to their dc.

What a great post catellington
We need to keep talking about the BF/FF choices both as women and as a society in general. It's not about judgment, but about parents feeling supported with both the latest health information and people who have direct experience.

It's not the same as smoking or other issues that are detrimental to health, because FF is not dangerous or harmful but it is - and science and basic common sense that breast milk is the tailor made option back this up - the lesser option. If stating the facts hurt people's feelings then that is a shame but it is necessary that we continue to debate this until the stigma of BFing in public disappears completely and women don't allow the conditioned sexualisation of their bodies to prevent them at least trying something that might really work for their child, and them.

Flaming or no flaming thank God for mumsnet and the heated debate on here. It's bringing really useful and important debates into more open forums than was previously possible.

And as somebody upthread pointed out earlier it is human nature to observe and to some extent pass judgment. What is AIBU but a forum about human judgment, reasonable or unreasonable?!

I meant to say it's not about 'judging' rather than judgment at the start of my last post. They're quite different IMO.

it is human nature to observe and to some extent pass judgment

But "human nature" isn't always a positive thing.

not good about these women who wanted to BF but didn't because somebody else said not to.

but those who don't want to for themselves, fine.

There are far more worthy things to judge about on the parenting road.

you don't know that they haven't tried

The baby was 3 days old.

I am quite ignorant about this so am happy to be corrected but in some of the countries I have lived in that do push bf, Qatar to an almost extreme point, the diet of so many women I know is almost entirely KFC, highly salted instant noodles and Mountsin Dew. Does their diet affect the nutrition of their milk? Because I have to say I wouldn't want anything out of what some of them take in. Especially in the Middle East and North Africa where fast food is the king and obesity and diabetes are hugely common.

Nothing wrong with feeling sad that some mums don't wish to try. Interfering is another matter. The mum whose partner seeks to control her because boobs are only for sex in his opinion deserves a long period without intimacy.

I believe not theo, I don't think diet affects quality of breast milk but you need a good one as the baby leeches the best bits out of you!

That's my understanding. You only need an extra couple of hundred calories a day.

YANBU

I believe in a woman's right to make an informed choice about how they feed their baby. I believe in a woman's right to make different choices to me even if I don't understand them. Formula is a good thing, especially for those where BFing is not the right path for mental or physical reasons, either in advance or where BFing is not best serving the health of the baby or mother.

But I must admit, I find it strange when people just don't want to try BFing (I'm not meaning an underlying reason that is being kept private). You can't know how it will go in advance. Each mother is unique. Each baby is unique. I've managed to feed both of my babies beyond 6m, and the experiences have had different ups and downs, but the ups override the downs. Even as I wince as baby latches on to a nipple affected by thrush, there is something going on that I can't describe. It's not bonding as I don't believe that a FFed baby is any less bonded than a BFed baby. I suppose it's the pride that my body is continuing the job that it started in the uterus, and first time that gave me great comfort as I struggled to recover physically and mentally from a traumatic birth. I can understand feeling sad that someone has chosen not to have the chance to experience some of the unique feelings that accompany BFing.

It would be good if there was more balanced information about both feeding choices and combination feeding. It can be like being stuck between two parallel worlds of medical breast is best propaganda and the real world of advertising follow-on milk, shelves of formula in the baby zone of the supermarket, and family suggesting that a bottle of formula will help baby sleep through. It's sad when debates/ discussion get mired down in wounded feelings. Being more open about feeding methods and experiences is more likely to help people make informed decisions. There is a wider public health issue or the NHS wouldn't have policy on it and initiatives like the shopping vouchers discussed recently.

Other peoples' choices may not really be our buisness, but we are human and curious, and that's not necessarily a bad thing. The OP hasn't interefered, she's just considered her feelings about another person's choice.

YANBU I totally agree with you.

'Another friend didn't want to breastfeed as her partner had said her boobs were for sex'

I find this very sad and know a couple of people who had similar 'reasons'. Such a shame and so selfish of the DH.

Some people have genuine reasons not to try but also many are culturally influenced and a lot of it has to do with sexualisation of the breast and a push on mothers being nothing special to a baby and anyone else can do everything involved.

retro "There are far more worthy things to judge about on the parenting road."

how the jeffing hell have you spent any time on MN without realising that we can judge all of these things AT THE SAME TIME!

One of the main reasons for not speaking your judgements on others parenting out loud is that you can judge far far faster in your head than out loud.....

today I am mostly judging people who think you have to spend the same monetary value on all of your kids for xmas.

I wish I was a better person but the truth is that people who think that wind me up.

YANBU.
I feel a tinge of sadness seeing a tiny baby fed by a bottle. There may be good reasons for it, choice among them (hopefully an informed choice made by the mother rather than men's ridiculous prejudices, for example). But I still feel a little sadness for what the newborn FF baby is not getting, that he/she should be.
BF is still not normalised as it should be in this country, and that's why more women don't start or persevere.

How thoroughly patronising that you are sad about a ff baby,it's misplaced sorrow
Ff is adequate,safe and how the majority of babies are fed
I do hope you can appropriately mask your feelings,so not to impose upon any mother

Why is it