To wish feel a bit sad that my friends didn't even want to try breastfeeding?

[ClaireandGeorge]

I know I'm probably going to get flamed for this.
Saw a friend with her 3 day old baby and she was moaning as her boobs were engorged and sore and I couldn't help but feel a bit sad that, that milk was meant for baby.
I understand a lot of women try and struggle or have problems that mean they can't. I totally get breastfeeding is difficult.
Another friend didn't want to breastfeed as her partner had said her boobs were for sex.
I guess what I'm trying to say is I understand it's a free world and we can all choose to do as we so wish. I have absolutely nothing against formula and I know plenty of beautiful babies and children that have thrived on it. It's just that it makes me a bit sad that my friends have chosen to ignore mother nature and not even give it a go.

[ClaireandGeorge]

And wasn't that I felt sorry for the baby either. She's beautiful, loved and cared for.
Perhaps it was me being broody that made me feel that pang?

[Nanny0gg]

YANBU, OP. But this won't go well. A lot of people who FFed their babies from birth are very defensive about it.

Because of threads like these...
(and if you're interested, I bf mine)

[sOODdragon]

It gives me a twinge sadness but only because I had a positive experience (eventually!). It is entirely my own feeling and completely non-judgemental as I really don't care how others feed their baby. Also, sometimes there is misinformation or a previous bad experience behind it and, in the case of bad previous experience, it's sad that they went through that.

Clearly I would never say or show any of this to a mother! It's none of my business :)

[WooWooOwl]

In situations where Mums try to bf and can't, I have a lot more sadness for those Mums than I do for any baby that has never been given BM.

I can understand that it must be horrible when your body won't allow you to do what you want to do for your baby, and those Mums really are missing out on something. Bfing can be hard, but like many things in life, you get back what you put in.

I'd suggest that most of us that were able to bf successfully enjoyed the experience overall and would never choose to have had the alternative experience. Therefore I feel worse for mothers that physically cannot bf than I would for their baby.

[BlingBang]

I'm always surprised that so many women just don't consider it or at least want to give it a go at the start just out of curiosity and to see what it's like - even if they then quickly go on to formula.

And I think it's a shame that many women seem to see it as weird, icky, unnatural etc.

[elskovs]

Aw poor you :(

Must be a terrible burden having such a well developed sense of right and wrong.

Don't watch the news flower, you wont be able to cope.

[TobyLerone]

Because its got fuck all to do with everyone else and because if people who are comfortable with their choices who genuinely believe it does not matter,do not need to be defensive.

This. I don't care how people feed their children, really. But it strikes me as interesting how defensive people are when they choose to FF, all the while banging on about how little they care about what everyone else thinks.

And I will judge anyone who is stupid enough to trot out the 'breasts are for sex' line. Or anyone who allows their partner to dictate to them how they use their body.

[sOODdragon]

I don't need anyone's pity thanks.

Who said they pitied you?

[purrtrillpadpadpad]

God, I hate threads like this. Why do we do this to each other?

[jammiedonut]

Hmm as long as you are 100% sure of their reasons then I guess you can feel sad. I tried, maybe not as hard as I should have, but stopped attempting to breastfeed as I couldn't cope with ds screaming in hunger because we couldn't get the latch right, so I expressed as much as I could and used formula to top up. I got all the judginess purely for using a bottle, no one bothered to check what was in it! I didn't discuss my feeding options with friends and certainly didn't judge their choices as I didn't know the full story, as they didn't know mine. I was extremely upset and felt I'd failed but to anyone who asked (family members) I said I was happy to be using formula.

[RevengeWiggle]

Well, I'm defensive about this and I do care what people think, which is why I put myself through months of hell trying to BF a baby who physically couldn't. I am certain it contributed to my PND as did all of the people telling me not to give up because my baby would suffer. If my next baby can't BF then I will FF from birth and I won't be discussing my reasons with anyone, they can think that I made the choice. We don't know what goes through anyone else's mind when making their decision so why bother judging them.

[cloggal]

YANBU to feel how you feel (if a bit judgey), YWBVU to judge anyone else's feeding choices. If I were you I'd look at supporting your friend with the dodgy partne, she may well need you, without judgment, some day...

I think the only reason all these threads (bf/ff, SAHM/WOHM, etc.) kick off is that people can't simply make their own choices are respect that others also have choices to make and reasons for making them, even if they don't like them. Why on earth is any of this anyone else's business?

[Gileswithachainsaw]

Yabu. That poor well loved , well fed baby. How dare your friend choose what was best for her family without considering her friends opinion. Especially when friend is going to be there for the night time yes???

Seriously get a grip. Babies are being neglected and starved all over the world and a friends baby upset you?

[cloggal]

Hear hear purrtril

[Trills]

YANBU to be sad for the friend whose choices about her body were being made by her partner.

YABU to be sad for a friend who made her own choice about her own body, but it just wasn't the choice that you would have made.

(assuming that you do actually know the reasons, and the friend who said "DH says my boobs are for sex" wasn't actually of the same opinion herself but didn't want to say so because she knew you'd disapprove)

[HaroldTheGoat]

I think it's only natural to be defensive when there is a thread saying something your doing with a baby makes them sad.

Threads like this make me sad. They really do. It's hard enough having a new baby without all this shite.

[redshifter]

I feel a twinge of sadness too. I don't pity anyone. I just feel sad sometimes because mothers can feel social/cultural pressures and expectations when deciding to bf or ff.

I wish mothers could choose what is best for them personally without feeling pressure from anyone else. Whatever they choose.

[Madasabox]

Gosh, some of you are angels obviously! The OP didn't say anything to her friend. She is entitled to have an opinion, even a judgemental one provided she does not actually verbalise it to her friend. I want to know if all of those being mean to her are truly claiming that you do not have a single judgemental opinion in your repertoire - eg. you don't think tattoos are gross, people shouldn't leave children alone in locked parked cars, very small children shouldn't have their ears pierced, people shouldn't park in parent and child places without small children etc. We all make judgements about the things that bother us every day. What sets us apart from horrible people is that we don't express those to the people we are judging and also that we try very hard not to make those judgements in the first place. We are only human, the OP is asking is she being unreasonable to feel that way and in her subsequent posts questioning why she feels that way. I understand why the FF vs BF debate causes such friction. I have a very strong opinion on it, but wouldn't express it because it would cause a row. That doesn't make me a bad person, it makes me someone who is trying to be better than I am. Those of you being mean are judging her, which is the most ironic thing of all!

[ANormalOne]

Of course FFs get fucking defensive when they're made to feel like sub par parents because they don't/can't breastfeed.

[NotYoMomma]

'this 'sadness' is so false

its like 'im not being funny but...'
'im not being racist but...'

or spouting some hugely sensitive and then saying 'only joking, why are you gettibg so wound up'

all this hand wringing 'what about the children?!'

what? the happy smiling and well fed children? shame on them - its all so 'sad'

I tried to bf dd1, triggered my anxiety there was so much pressure. I hated it, it triggered my anxiety and I had a panic attack at feed time instead of enjoying my baby. switched to ff.

dd2 is now two weeks old and when I found outi was expexting I merrily skipped to the baby aisle to buy the aptimil.

[LEMisafucker]

Yawn

[sOODdragon]

People seem to be missing the fact that there is no judgement going on
At no point has the OP said she thinks they are crap mothers.

You can feel sadness without judging you know.

[JapaneseMargaret]

In my heart of hearts ... yes, I probably do judge those who choose never to even try breastfeeding.

Would I start a thread in it...?

Pffft...

At some stage, you and your little ones will move past this stage and cop on that in the grand scheme of things, what other people do, really doesn't matter. :)

As long as a baby is fed, clothed and loved, that really is all that matters.

[TobyLerone]

What madasabox said.