If that cat had AIBU...

[Greenandcabbagelooking]

AIBU to think it is perfectly okay to wind myself around the human's legs so she falls over. Then headbutt her whilst she's on the floor? I only wanted some food...

What would your pet be saying?

AIBU...to have my DH call me by my PROPER name which is "Gut Ripper the Magnificent" and not "Twinkle-toes"? Especially, when I'm out with my mates. Don't they realise how much street cred I lose!?

I love making sure my family are nice and clean. AIBU to assume there's nothing wrong with grooming them at 4am in the morning when they're nice and still? That way I have a chance of using my teeth to get to the really grubby bits before they start screeching.

for Mignonette.

I am, of course, never unreasonable, as cats cannot be unreasonable (See Festive's post above)

However is it too much to ask that the tap in the downstairs loo be left running constantly, as I can't possibly drink still water? The tap in the bathroom is (just about) acceptable, but that daft idea about getting me to drink from the outside tap really should be forgotten about for ever more.

TIA DDRBCat.

ps I caught a bat this year too

Dame - Thank you. x

Late to this thread as have been dozing on DH's favourite chair….

I am deffo NU for marching across DH's chest (especially her bumpy bits) at 5.45 each morning and alerting her to my obvious malnutrition.

Likewise IANBU for doing smelly poo's in my tray and then shouting at her to come clean it out - it's disgusting FFS!!!!

AWBU to expect our food bowls full at all times. Being able to see the bottom of the bowl means that it is empty surely?

IFcat1: AIBU meow loudly in my owners ear and wander all over her pillow just as she's settled that baby for the eleventieth time and rolled over to go back to sleep herself?

IFcat2: AIBU to want the patio door permanently left open so I can freely go in/out/in/out/in/out/in/out/in/out as I please without having to claw the carpet up.

Oh, and worms deffo should live indoors. In the dining room.

AIBU to sit on my second favourite humans pillow and purr.
I don't want to disturb my favourite human on while he's asleep.
I know 2nd human has to get up earlier.

AIBU to take a really satisfying shit the minute my humans dare invite people over?

WIBU to throw that box onto the floor so that she notices me and feeds me?

AIBU to ambush them and run like crazy while they are walking around doing chores?

AIBU to follow her around when she's playing hide and seek with her DS?

AIBU to jump onto the balcony through the window, even though I can't manage to jump back in and then my owner has to open the door in another room to let me in?

AIBU to throw fucking sand all around the lovely box my owner prepared for me, even though my poo/wee is perfectly well covered already?

AIBU to shit in full view of whoever is in the vicinity? And to take what appears to be a scatalogically erotic pleasure on the knowledge that you are watching?

AIBU to leave so much white fur about that my owner is still finding flumps of it, nearly a year after I died? Enough to make a new cat in fact?

AIUBU to insist onrecliningupon a pillow placed on top of the kitchen table like some invalid cat prince? And languidly stretching out a paw to bat the hip of anybody daring to walk past?

AIBU to do an enormous protest shit in the conservatory because it's raining outside and clearly that is my owners' doing?

AIBU to call the RSPCA to report my human for stepping on me when I helpfully follow her and lie down just behind her feet when she's standing up?
Animal abuser!

AIBU? So I was sitting on DMS (Dear Male Slave)'s lap whilst he was watching a Hugh Fearnley Wittingstone programme about decorating a Christmas tree with meat jerky, and I decided I'd have some of that, so I telepathed my approval into DMS' brain. He obediently voiced "his" idea to DFS (Dear Female Slave), but the bitch just quashed it, on the grounds that I might knock the Christmas tree over in my enthusiasm.

I figured out my error - DFS was a few feet away, cutting out some fabric, and I guess my telepathic powers lose their potency with distance.

All that shouting over a bit of ham and tuna. I'm part of the family so I took it. What's the problem?? Oh and that door you put in for me...think again if you think I'm going to use it.

AIBU to just want to hump the little cats all day? Granted I am three times their size and have been done, but I still get the urges all the time. DH screams and refers to me as sex pest bumming cat but I just want to make sweet love.

AIBU to knock her glasses off the bedside cabinet so that she can't find them first thing in the morning and is blind for a good ten minutes? If I'm really in the mood I'll do her phone as well so she has to grope for it blindly when the alarm goes off.

AIBU to get her attention by threatening to knock ornaments off the dresser? I give it a little tap, stop to see if she is going to feed me, then repeat. If she doesn't feed me the second time I knock it right off.

AIBU to attempt to attack, through a closed window, any cat I see walk past my house? The blinds only fell down and took a chunk out of the window sill, what is the problem?

AIBU to attempt to knock the TV off the stand? They are only thin these days, I'm pretty sure I'll manage soon enough.

AIBU to lunge at my human as she tries to pick me up and put me outside (what's wrong with toileting inside? She does it!) and bite/kick/scratch the bejeesus out of her right arm, leaving a bunch of deep cuts, while she screams 'oooooowwwwwwww'.

Don't see the issue personally.

AIBU to expect a constant supply of catnip, Jimmy Hendrix playing on the Ipod and the lights drawn low. I realise that I should embrace the peace and love movement but if you come near me when I am catnipping I will bite your hand off.

Love Stoner Cat.

AIBU to do a dirty protest in the cat carrier every time she tries to take me to the vet? I can see all of the other owners giving her dirty looks in the waiting room...

Aibu to run up and down the stairs between the hours of 2 and 5 am. Then settle into a deep and relaxing sleep on my owner's bladder just add she decides she's going to get up and have a wee?

AIBU to poo on the nice clean towel put down to wipe the feet of those smelly, woofing creatures rather than climb into the box with the bits of stuff that stick to my feet?

Oh and AIBU to then wee on the next clean one to be put down as a replacement?

AIBU to be incandescent with rage with the staff for bringing a new hall table into my house!
My house I decide! Obviously I have given it a good scratching and I sit on it to show my disgust!

AIBU to wake her up for a feed at 3am, 4am, 5am? Then settle down for a nice sleep in her spot when she gets up at 6am?

Aibu to come in through the cat flap after a downpour and get in the sink for a drink from the dripping tap? Leaving muddy paw prints behind. And then curl up either on the ovengloves or round the kettle?

Also....to start washing on the end of the bed at 4am every day, jingling my collar bell and snuffling licking snorting like a one cat band?