If that cat had AIBU...

[Greenandcabbagelooking]

AIBU to think it is perfectly okay to wind myself around the human's legs so she falls over. Then headbutt her whilst she's on the floor? I only wanted some food...

What would your pet be saying?

Warning: long, and I know I'm not being remotely unreasonable, but here goes.

Myself, PrincessSlave and ToasterSlave (PS and TS) lived in this great place for a bit, it was full of interesting smells and badly converted living areas that were great fun for messing with. We had these neighbours upstairs who kept flying meat products and let them fly all over the place instead of keeping them locked away. I knew I could slip under the door that divided the two flats to get the meat products so PS told the owners to keep their hall door shut to keep me out. Bitch. Anyway, most of the time I couldn't be arsed.

But then one day, about 6am I think, I got really hungry so I slipped under the door and caught one of the meat products. I couldn't actually dispatch and eat it though becuase I have no teeth (and only one eye, due to cat flu) so I brought it downstairs for PS. She was most ungrateful, she shouted at me and put the meat product in the living room to wait for the owners to get back. While she was wrangling that one, I went up and caught the other one. She put both in the living room.

The meat products owners were apparently off on holiday so the meat products were in our living room for 3 days. Finally PS got desperate and slipped open their door with a knife to put them back in their cages. While she was doing that the living room door, which was actually a front door that required a key to keep it open, closed, leaving her locked out and the meat products, her laptop, her phone and her keys stuck inside.

PS had to call TS, who was away with family, to call the landlord from a neighbours phone. Then the meat products owners came home and threatened to kill me, so we all moved out.

AIBU to have found the whole thing hilarious?

AIBU to roll onto my back, fluffy tum upwards, paws in adorable begging position and winking madly for a cuddle - then eviscerate the DH's forearm, clinging onto the shreds of flesh as it squeals and sobs?

AI FUCK: she loves it. She knows the nurse at Minor Injuries by name!

AIBU to demand to be let into the house to use my nice clean litter tray and then immediately demand to be let out while my human deals with the big steaming pile

No need to bury it, she's going to clean it the second I'm done so she can breathe so it's nice and clean for me

Who wants to poo under the bushes with all the riffraff anyway?

(Junior) AIBU to think that secretly the humanoid appreciates me constantly following her around? And I know when she needs to wake, so I kindly sit on her head and purr, and yet she seems cross. And why does she leave those lovely rolls of paper around in the room with all the water, and then get cross when I try to show her how long they are? And my help with getting the landlord to redecorate, by stripping the wallpaper, goes unappreciated. Tut.

(Senior) AIBU to think that when we have a nice symbiotic relationship, she feeds me, I get to sleep on her bed, I have lots of toys and generally, a pretty good time, it's not fair to introduce a lunatic small rug rat who won't leave me alone? And thinks my tail is a toy? I have dignity, dammit, and wrestling a kitten to put it in its place is demeaning.

AIBU to think that changing my cat litter twice a week is not acceptable? After the litter has been in two days I just have to wee on the bathmat, it is the cleaner option. I know she removes solids immediately, but that is not the point is it? I think I should have clean litter at least daily. And whilst I'm on the subject, two litter trays for two cats is just ridiculous isn't it? I want to do my wees in one and my poos in the other. What is wrong with the woman?

Ah yes. AIBU to think that catsan is the only acceptable litter. And if the shop has sold out and she has filled my tray with that patronising 'Thomas' stuff, then I am well within my rights to piss on the landing, as close to any footwear that I can find?

I think not.

I have recently concluded that Catsan is the work of the devil and refuse to use it. I much prefer the small grain clumping litter that can cost twice as much and gets everywhere around the house because I kick it all around the tray.

I only like the Catsan smartpack, which is a perfectly reasonably priced option at £7.00 for two packs. However she is a skinflint and will only buy four packs a week, all she will spend on my comfort is a measly £14 a week. The really annoying thing is that the other cat tries to use my trays too. I hiss at him but it sounds more like a raspberry and he gives me a funny look. Men!

I would say AIBU but I never am.

I have been loyal cat for 13 years now. I often bring back dead, alive or half dead creatures for my humans. I steal the dog's treats as she is too fat and I like to sit in their heads at 3:00am. See what a wonderful job I do?

Yet my humans refuse to turn off the rain when I wish to go outside. I feel this is unacceptable. Yes?

Ceefa and Maxie say aibu to think that we shouldn't bring butterflies into the house (in November, where the fuck are they finding them?!) and traumatise the small human when we strip their wings and just leave a butterfly body jumping round?

Outrageous. I got equally annoyed when the lovely spider I was playing with was removed.

I wrote earlier about the fuss she made when I froze the computer. She doesn't appreciate that I chose her to work for me. In my first home I had someone called a 'sister'. She looked like me and we used to play together but she hadn't the balls for the more adventurous games. Actually I haven't any now, but that's another story.However I decided to up sticks and went to live with a gorgeous redhead down the road. I was quite shocked to find that she wasn't a 'she' but had, like me, been assaulted by that butchering vet. I then came here. I'd always played in her garden and she was always happy to see me, but she had two miserable tortoiseshells, who made a most unbelievable racket when I looked at them through the catflap. Last year one of them went away and so did the other earlier this year, so I took my chance and moved in. There's aplace in the garden called 'the grave', which seems to be a sad place. It's got a stone on it to 'stop the fox digging them up'. I don't know what that means either. I'm getting old; I don't think I'll move again. The only thing that bothers me is that when visitors admire me she always says, "He's not mine, really". Of course I'm not hers, she's mine!

AIBU to start The Great Cat War part 300 at 2am every day, going into battle with my siblings? Is using the stairs as the training ground and battlefield REALLY so terrible?

AIBU to climb into any plastic bag I can find, then howl until one of my human slaves picks me up in the bag and walks me round the house for ten minutes?

AIBU to think I can fit into any box, no matter how tiny, despite my being an elephant sized mog?

AIBU to leap into my human slaves' bed, bury myself where their feet usually go, stretch out and refuse to move? Are my brother and sister really BU to join me?

Lastly, why does one of my human slaves complain when I smack her round the head (from the safety of the bannister) when she comes home from work?

AWBU to think the dog should leave. He is very abusive try to make us play with him. We have contacted the refuge, but they can't help us.

My name is Perkins - I haven't name changed and I don't care if my human reads this - she might learn something.

AIBU to demand prawns even though both my human and I know I shall be sick, probably in the middle of the night? She makes such a fuss.

When my human has friends visiting I KNOW I'm not AIBU to sit facing the wall to show my displeasure at being disturbed, then slowly turning round and jumping onto the lap of the stupid person who is scared of cats. My claws just gently digging into the legs, not to hurt, but just so they know trying to remove me would result in bloody legs.

AIBU when I bring a still live sparrow into the sitting room which is for my amusement, not hers? She had the audacity to shut me in another room while trying to catch the bird which resulted in the books from two floor to ceiling bookcases being thrown onto the floor in attempt to catch it. It took her hours to put all the books back. Serves her right I say.

When I accidentally knocked a full pan of thankfully cold cooking oil over myself, was I BU to be appalled at being put in the bath and the indignity of having swarfiga smeared on my bottom (stupid vet's suggestion)? I hauled myself out of the bath by digging my claws in her shoulders and drew blood - that will teach her.

AIBU to start meowing the second I walk through the door and expect people to come to me rather than walking the 4 meters to the couch?

Or my mothers cat:
Were the hospital being unreasonable to refer my slave's injuries to the police as a possible domestic violence case after I fractured her cheekbone?

www.youtube.com/watch?v=PKffm2uI4dk

Sad cat diary YouTube.... Please watch!

silveroldie we had a cat called Perkins! Thought he was the only one! (Named after a train)

Nooo I thought my Perkins was the only one! He was named after a friend's dog named Fred who she also called Perkins lol.

AIBU to try and ping the potatoes off my hoomin's plate every time she has them, and the utter cheek of her to tell me to wait til the mince was defrosted before I could get my share?

I mean, she knows perfectly well how much I love my mince, I shout at her often enough when I see the pan coming out (the hoomin has a special pan just for mince), and I get all excited when I see it. She should have my mince ready for me whenever I want it.

Also, surely she should know by now, that all hairbrushes belong to me, and I must be brushed every minute of the day, I don't care if the hoomins have got to be somewhere and need to have their stupid manes brushed. I come first, right?

Stoopid hoomin even buys me expensive cat brushes, does she not realise they're too hard for my beautiful, delicate fur. Only nice soft hoomin ones will do.

Oh, and one of the smaller hoomins yelled at me when I stole the piece of fish off her plate, I mean, really?

AIBU to be terribly jealous that my slave is able to change her fur at will? I have dropped several hints that I would sometimes like to be able to have stripes or spots or just be a different colour altogether, but so far she has totally failed to fit me with a zip and a selection of alternative furs.

IfAtFirst one of mine does that with the dish - he eats the food in the middle then kicks off to get me to fill it up again!

One would be - AIBU to screech at my human for food CONSTANTLY, only stopping for half an hour after I've eaten? Then starting again because obviously she doesn't feed me enough? I mean, 6 packets of wet food a day is nowhere near enough for me.

AIBU to think that DHuman's handbag is the perfect place to poo when it's raining outside? She seems a bit upset that I didn't use 'the perfectly good litter tray' and is complaining about having to clean poo off her keys and phone.