If that cat had AIBU...

[Greenandcabbagelooking]

AIBU to think it is perfectly okay to wind myself around the human's legs so she falls over. Then headbutt her whilst she's on the floor? I only wanted some food...

What would your pet be saying?

Mine would be

AIBU to scratch the youngest human? She keeps trying to play with me and i don't want to so i just lash out

Yeah actually you're all right, there would no doubt in any cat's mind that they were 100% correct! Carpe your acronym is spot on!

AIBU in thinking that of COURSE the guinea pigs and the rabbit and the hens and the ducks which my DHs keep in my garden are mine, all mine, and if I want to hunt them and eat them I can? My humans keep telling me that the above are pets and I have to be friendly towards them but they don't understand that that is BORING and it would be SO much fun to eat them.

Carpe I didnt have to even try and work out the acronym, I just knew what it meant

Aibu in expecting my humans to get up at whatever time I decide I want my breakfast. Aibu in expecting them to actually get up and do this, not being sneaky and filling up night before so they can be lazy but to actually just get up and show me some love, well am I ?
I feel no guilt in waking up the mini one at 4am when they are so selfish and unloving to just get up!

AIBU to think toes (especially those sticking out of the end of the human night-time basket) are for attacking. Always?

(I love this thread)

AIBU to decide halfway through a head rub that I want to practice killing prey using my DH's arm. I do normally keep my claws sheathed.

EddieMairsWife, how I empathise. The 3 ginger kittens, (Bertie, Ronnie,and Biggles) have discovered the cursor this morning. The little sods think the keyboard is their playground and can do things to my poor laptop that just baffle me. I think that Windows is full of menus that can only be opened by using paws. Oh hang on. They have all just collapsed in a sleepy muddle and look beautiful. Innocent to the tips of their whiskers. Try completing an online jigsaw with this little mob around.

Despite being able to jump from ground to top of the window aibu to not be able to jump over the baby gate at the kitchen door and mew loudly to be let out after finishing yet another meal.

Cat 1: AIBU to keep approaching the mini human even though I know he will attempt to pull my whiskers AGAIN!

Cat 2: AIBU to think I was here first therefore the mini human should leave now?

Cat 3 AIBU to be pissed off my owner keeps moving me off her as apparently my gentle claw massage is hurting her C-section scar?

Moggy: AIBU to think that my human shouldn't be all jumpy if I decide to leap wildly across the back of the sofa, chasing things that aren't there?

AIBU to think DHuman should either leave her windows shut, or open them wide enough so I can get in?

(I do this to wind up cat. Cat hasn't realised that if she walks round the roof a bit more my housemate will let her in. Cat is stupid)

My human does not feed me five trillion times a day. AIBU to try and kill him in his sleep by lying squarely on his stupid fat face.

TIA

YouTheCat YABU only if you dont chase things that are there.

AIBU that as it gets colder I want to sit inside the house, with the window open and my front paws out so I can get some fresh air?

Good. I shall continue to create havoc then.

AIBU to request that DHuman only buys Paprika flavoured Pringles instead of the ready salted crap that HumanChild1 likes? And AIBU to think that DHuman's work bag is far superior to the two bloody expensive scratching posts to which I have ready access? I will malt everywhere if I get shouted at again.

And AIBU to think that my proven inability to hunt is not a laughing matter given that you were the ones who put a collar with a nodding bell on me when I first came to live with you.

AIBU to want to enter the house through the front room window?
I am not a tradescat, I do not want to use the tradescat entrance!
Nor do I want to waste any of my valuable bum licking time wailing at the front door when I know LazySlaveWoman won't hear me.
How can I make LSW understand that she is just here for my amusement?
I love following her to the school to collect SmallNoisySlave because I know it embarrasses her and she thinks people refer to her as the strange cat woman. They don't, they call her LSW too!

AIBU? I tried to groom a human with my teeth and claws. She didn't like it and ignored me
So I tried to make up for it by bringing her a dead bird for breakfast. Because humans are shit hunters. She said thank you but I don't think she really meant it
Oh and so I don't drip feed, she's not actually my human, but I lurve her lots and lots

chocolate I hear you. My humans joke that I need to learn how to ring the bell because I simply cannot be bothered nosing my way through the poxy flap. And then they make some jokes about a Mr Jinks that I am supposed to find funny

Mr Jinks is an abomination! He has betrayed us!

A we BU to ask our DHumans to move into the double bed in the spare bedroom so that we can have the super king bed (that they bought for us ) that is in "their" room?

They stupidly started off with said double bed which we managed to successfully push them off of by stretching out like something from The Incredibles on a number of occasions but now they refuse to leave our new comfy bed. We have tried wrapping ourselves around the tops of their heads, sleeping between them and disturbing their sleep until they look like the walking dead in the mornings but they will not give in.

WWYD? I had thought about installing a human-flap and locking them out at night but I don't know if I would be reported to the RSPCH (Royal Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Humans) for doing this during the winter.

AIBU by showing that I'm enjoying the petting by waving my bum hole and balls in the humans face over and over again?
Or to think its okay to constantly clean said balls LOUDLY next to lady human as she lays with her head in the toilet with morning sickness?

AIBU to expect my DH to be grateful when I bring in FOUR lovely birds during lunchtime? They were beautifully fresh, one was even still flapping a bit.

The human seemed upset, and I'd gone to great lengths to get them while her relatives were visiting?

AIBU to enjoy sleeping on my dh's hip every single night? It is not my fault she had surgery and wakes up with searing pain in the morning ( humans are way too fragile IMO)

AIBU to watch my dhs engage in coitus? I like to freak them out by staring intently and meowing in a judgmental tone.