If that cat had AIBU...

[Greenandcabbagelooking]

AIBU to think it is perfectly okay to wind myself around the human's legs so she falls over. Then headbutt her whilst she's on the floor? I only wanted some food...

What would your pet be saying?

AIBU to throw up in a startlingly impressive way when the guests of my humans were eating dinner?
On their feet?

Well, my humans said they were boring so I was just trying to help.
(It worked, they left early and haven't been back since)

I have no idea why any of you are asking AIBU, when every self respecting feline knows that we are NEVER U. Ever.
Did you all leave your mothers too soon?
Get a grip and stop leaving yourselves open to criticism.

For those of you who did not learn basic etiquette at your mothers paw ....
Rule 1 we are right in all we do.
Rule 2 if we should ever be wrong, rule 1 applies.

It is well known that some humans simply take longer to train than others. Stop whinging and get on with the job.

To sneak out the front door whenever possible and then refuse to go back in, to then be left there for ages until dear owner remembers I am there and to then meowwww very loudly to let them know it was their fault I had decided to be shut out there in the first place!

To join my human in the shower?

To sit on her shoulder in the bath or her lap when she's on the loo? To try and climb in the loo, it's much nicer to drink than what's in my water bowl?

To go paddling in the bath when she finally gets her fat arse out?

And they won't get the small prey items out of the cages so I can play? They keep small fluffy rodents as pets and have the nerve to think I'm weird?

AIBU to a) wake my person (owner? Ha!) up in the middle of the night by having a very loud bath in the noisiest place possible, then b) just as my person is falling asleep again, to climb on her on her bed, walk up and down purring, then piss all over her.

This happened two nights ago...

AIBU to approach the human kitten on her playmat and groom her? DHuman says I am. Shouted some nonsense about hygiene and somestuff.

I mean how am I supposed to know that she'd only just gone to sleep after wailing all morning. Don't know why the human kitten even woke up, my tongue isn't rough it's designed for the perfect relaxing massage.

AIBU to think it's none of my human's business where i go to for 3 nights without contact and that she should be grateful when i return bearing mousey gifts!

To bring in a warm dead blackbird when the humans (staff) were just sitting down to eat dinner. I managed to get it up the stairs and was just about to get tucked in, when they came up and dragged me off it, and then threw it away! What a waste of a good blackbird that had landed just in front of me (the only way I can catch prey).

To sit at the front door with my nose pressed up against the glass looking like I am wanting to come in. I have been provided with a perfectly serviceable catflap to use, but I object to having to bash my head on it to get in. Then when they open the door, I deliberate for ages on the doormat as to whether I actually want to come in after all. I am perfectly entitled to be fickle and that is NU at all.

AIBU to:
Piss on the curtains?
Leave cockroach legs under the chair? I ate the body. What more do they want?
Head butt owner in the tit even though she is sore?
Make stinky farts when they stroke me?
Bring a live bird in the house, leave it under their bed and expect some thanks?
Ditto above with mice/lizards/bugs.
Puke under the bed.
Watch owners in the shower and cry when they take too long?

AIBU to expect chin scratches and vintage catnip as a reward for pawing the newspaper that Human is trying to read? I very carefully pad at the exact bits her eyes are looking at and attempt to walk across the page whenever possible.

Ungrateful doesn't even come close

This is probably more suitable for 'Relationships' but I'm posting here for traffic.

DHuman and I have been together for five years. Things started out well at first, but as time has gone on things have gone downhill.

I try to communicate with her, but my repeated yowling and chirruping is met with hushed tones or sarcastic remarks and inner monologues (of course I'm not Lassie ffs ) and sometimes she ignores me entirely.

Where once she'd have talked about her feelings ("get down cat"), now she just gives me 'The Look™' whenever I'm doing something that she disapproves of.

I can't even lick my arse on the bed in my own house without criticism.

AIBU to think that this passive aggressive form of contact is a huge red flag? Should I LTB?

And I don't mean to drip feed, but AIBU to think that if I've pushed all of my biscuits out of my bowl and onto the tray this means that my bowl is empty and therefore I'm entitled to moan until I'm fed?

She just rolls her eyes as she puts them back in my bowl.

It's as if she expects me to eat them off the tray ffs

Definitely. But first, crap in her shoes.

Awwww Mig, he is gorgeous!! Lost my boy 2wks before you. Gutted was not the word.

m.youtube.com/watch?v=PKffm2uI4dk&desktop_uri=/watch?v=PKffm2uI4dk

I'm just leaving this here....

Thank you Fack. I am sorry for your loss too.

Mine would be saying:

WIBU to gash huge chunks out of my slaves hands as she tried to rescue me from the neighbours fireworks? Yes she was worried about me and desperate to keep me safe but I did not feel like being picked up so....

It's not my fault she's had trouble all day at work because of that really deep gash across her palm. How was I to know that it would make working in a kitchen so hard?

Aibu to wee in any clothes my humans have worn and left in the floor? After all they shouldn't leave them there? Non?

Oh definitely wee on your humans clothes! Then they will smell of you and other cats won't try to appropriate them.

AIBU to lay a stinky cable in my litter box whilst the posh Inlaws are visiting and having their lunch in the adjacent room? Well why should I have to go outside in this drizzly weather to do it?

AIBU ;

• To lay across the newspaper my human is reading?
• To want to have a whole armchair to myself and just glare at anyone who dares to sit on it?
• To sit up at the dining table with my little head just reaching the table in the hope of a scrap of food?
• To sit in the open doorway when it's freezing cold cos I can't decide if I want to go out or not?
• To be so utterly furry and loving that my human cant live without me

AIBU to think frogs are for picking up and throwing in the air repeatedly, making them scream in that really satisfying high-pitched way, and that my human shouldn't take them off me and eat them herself, obviously put them somewhere safe?

Aibu to think the clean washing is the perfect litter tray?