If that cat had AIBU...

[Greenandcabbagelooking]

AIBU to think it is perfectly okay to wind myself around the human's legs so she falls over. Then headbutt her whilst she's on the floor? I only wanted some food...

What would your pet be saying?

Sorry, obviously I am Caitlin17's cat and have stolen her log in.

This is long, but as Cat I can take as long as I like. I feel some background is necessary in order to fully understand the nature of my grievances.

My chief minion has let me down badly. It's outrageous actually. 12 years into a relatively adequate existence she produced a kitten of her own and has devoted unseemly amounts of time to its welfare. Powerful smells are emitted from its rear end. Demonic noises exit its mouth when I am having my 3rd main snooze of the morning. Recently it has attempted to fawn over me but has ended up pulling at my hair and yelling "AT, AT" into my face.

I am, I will admit, pleased that she has endeavoured to provide extra staff. The large and amiable male she brought into service a few years back has proved both efficient and easily bent to my will. He is also remarkably comfortable as a cushion when called upon. The kitten may well prove useful in future. It is certainly energetic and was suitably enthralled when I ripped a small rodent apart in the garden. I will concede that it has potential.

Nevertheless I was not consulted before any of these changes were actioned and therefore feel that my status as Cat has not been recognised. Whilst it is utterly impossible for me as a Cat to be unreasonable, particularly in relation to my actions towards a Non Cat, my chief of staff appears to believe that she has a case to answer.

Ludicrous I know, but in the light of her sub standard behaviour WIBU to piss in her shoes again?

AIBU to up and leave when not only was a DOG (yes, a dog!) introduced into my home, but a short time after that when my previous companion was quite inconveniently killed by a car, two MALE kittens were also introduced. They were badly-brought up, insufficiently deferential and with dreadful eating habits. I was utterly horrified. I left and set up home with an elderly human female across the road.

The youngest human male has been upset at various times and I regret that but he needs to take any complaints up with the parental humans who have acted with such cavalier disregard of my feeling and my rights. I do return to lighten their lives brieflt from time to time and deign to partake of a brief meal, I am not without affection for them, but I cannot and will not return permanently to a home where I am not the rightful centre of attention.

To everyone who has commented about the front door/ back door weather thing. YES!!

WHY don't humans get this?

Like I said, buncha WEIRDOS.

AIBU to come running when I hear Human Slave flush the human litter tray and get my head stuck down it as fast as possible? It's running water, so it must be fresh, right? And although it looks precarious, I haven't actually had an accident with it since the near-drowning incident when I was a kitten.

AIBU to sit in the bath yowling until Human Slave turns the taps on for me to lick from? But then to yowl and stalk off if she turns them on too much?

AIBU to have fallen deeply in love with the carpet sweeper? I lie half on it, gazing lovingly at it. AIBU to yowl and pounce on her every time she attempts to use it to do a quick sweep, meaning she has to get the hoover out instead? It's the love of my life, not to be used for its actual purpose.