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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think leaving a 7 month baby to work ft is too young?

213 replies

LostMarbles99 · 13/08/2013 22:30

I have to go back to work but I really don't want to leave my baby.

Dc is only 7 months, it's too young isn't it?

Dh will do 2 days care, dm 1 day and childminder 2 days, but that's not time with me!

AIBU to think 7 months is too young to abandon baby?

Will he feel abandoned?

OP posts:
peteypiranha · 13/08/2013 22:32

I dont think it is personally. I think its good age they dont seem bothered at that age. Anyone days with dh dont count, its your babies dad. You will both be fine when you get back into it.

RevoltingPeasant · 13/08/2013 22:32

I don't have DC yet but my close friend left her baby at 5.5 months.

YABU to think there is some blanket rule about when you can leave your DC.

YANBU to find it scary and sad though Flowers

My own feeling is, you will be more bothered than dc after about a week!

Talkinpeace · 13/08/2013 22:33

Maternity leave does not exist in the USA ....

poachedeggs · 13/08/2013 22:34

It's hard, I know, I've done it. But it's what you have to do. Lots of people have to do it and their babies are fine. It will be ok.

He'll be with people he loves and has a bond with. He'll benefit from having close relationships with your DM and a CM. It will be fine.

It is hard though, it really is.

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 13/08/2013 22:36

YANBU to think it, not at all.

But - look on the bright side that he is getting looked after by his dad and his grandmother, and then a childminder. That is a much better option for him than fulltime nursery, definitely.

Hope you are feeling better about things soon.

KatOD · 13/08/2013 22:36

My DD went to nursery 3d a week from 7mo and 1 day with my mum (i had her 1 day). She is now 21mo, very happy, very sociable and loves nursery. My DM commented only this evening on what a funny, happy little girl she is.

It really is down to you and your child (also 2d with Dad is not in childcare!).

Good luck.

youbethemummylion · 13/08/2013 22:36

It is not too young if it is the right thing for you to do. It was right for me being back at work (part time) made me happy and happy mum happy baby. However if you really don't want to do it and it will make you unhappy then yes it is not the right thing for you.

Also I think 3 different childcare settings a week will be more unsettling for your baby than maybe just sticking with one or two i.e one childcare setting and your DM.

BrokenSunglasses · 13/08/2013 22:36

No, he won't feel abandoned. He/she will be with people who love him almost as much as you do the vast majority of the time you are at work, and the rest of the time he will be getting care from someone experienced who you trust to look after him well.

Your baby needs parents that provide for all his needs, including financial.

It will be harder for you than it will be for your baby.

TheCatIsUpTheDuff · 13/08/2013 22:36

I'll have to go back at 6 months latest. Between 2 devoted grandmas and a childminder I think the baby will be fine. I'll just have to get on with it.

SummerHoliDidi · 13/08/2013 22:37

I went back to work ft when dd2 was not quite 6 months. I hated the thought of leaving her, but the reality of it was much easier than I had thought.

He will be fine, although he might take a couple of weeks to get used to the new routine. Dd2 used to give me the BIGGEST grins when I came home, now she's 3.5 she barely acknowledges I'm there and carries on playing with her friends Hmm

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 13/08/2013 22:37

Talkinpeace - I don't see how that is relevant, unless we are holding the US up a shining example?

youbethemummylion · 13/08/2013 22:37

Oh sorry I read days care as daycare ignore my last paragraph!

cestlavielife · 13/08/2013 22:37

Not at all .

maternity leave was just four months not so long ago and many nurseries took babies from three months.

Your baby is only getting two dys in paid child care.

Baby will be fine, so you will be too once you get used to it.

Presumably you need to work for whatever reason. It will be fine...

You are not abandoning baby you are going to work . You will see baby morning and evening right ?

DIddled · 13/08/2013 22:38

Went back at 5/6 months- no choice- it was fine, knackering but he is a happy 14 year old now.

LazyMonkeyButler · 13/08/2013 22:38

It isn't too young in general, but it sounds as though you think it is too young for you.

Do you have any options? Can you afford to be a SAHM for any longer? If not then please try not to worry, many many parents experience the same feelings and it really does work out fine.

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 13/08/2013 22:38

youbethemummy it isn't three childcare settings. Two days are with his dad, so exactly the same as being at home with his mum!

Talkinpeace · 13/08/2013 22:38

No, I think the American system is awful
BUT
the fact that all kids are in nursery from an early age does not appear to have caused widespread harm
the lack of choice there ...
kids cope

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 13/08/2013 22:39

x-posts :)

Irishmammybread · 13/08/2013 22:40

I feel for you,I can remember that feeling of desperately wanting to stay with my babies and not go back to work
When I had DS(20 years ago) DH was still a student so I really had no choice about working, it was our only income. Maternity leave wasn't so generous then so he was only 12 weeks when I had to leave him with a childminder. He was fine though, he always knew who Mum was and I have a really close relationship with him, he can't even remember those early years.I made the most of evenings,weekends etc. As long as your LO is well looked after and cared for(and most days it's with family,which is lovely)he wont feel abandoned and I'm sure he'll be fine, you're the one it will be tough for.
Do you have to work ft,would pt be an option for you?

youbethemummylion · 13/08/2013 22:40

Alibabaandthe40nappies - I am assuming this is a x post as I have already apologised for my mistake.

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 13/08/2013 22:40

Talkin I suppose they do

youbethemummylion · 13/08/2013 22:40

agh x post I need to go to bed!

RandomMess · 13/08/2013 22:41

I had to leave me eldest at 9 weeks (she's now 16) as no maternity leave for me past 6 weeks and as we got income support I had to be actively seeking work. I'm glad that you now get 6 months off!!!

SuperiorCat · 13/08/2013 22:43

Some of us had DCs when there was only 12 weeks maternity pay. Sole breadwinner, no choice but to go back in my case.

fancyanother · 13/08/2013 22:43

I went back after 18 months, and I think that was worse than going back younger as he was so aware of it. As others have said, you will feel awful but baby will be fine. In my experience, once you have taken the plunge and gone back, it's OK. If it's really not OK, then you may have to look at other options. But it probably will be OK.