AIBU to think leaving a 7 month baby to work ft is too young?

[LostMarbles99]

I have to go back to work but I really don't want to leave my baby.

Dc is only 7 months, it's too young isn't it?

Dh will do 2 days care, dm 1 day and childminder 2 days, but that's not time with me!

AIBU to think 7 months is too young to abandon baby?

Will he feel abandoned?

lostmarbles I completely understand how hard it will be to leave your DC but honestly, I think the set-up you have is really great. Your DC be with family members three days a week and a CM for the other two. He/she will def not 'feel abandoned'. If it's any consolation, my sister had to return to work when her DS1 was 6 weeks old. He always seemed incredibly well-adjusted as a small boy and v close to his mum (well, perhaps less so for a few grumpy teen years but I'm not sure any childcare set-up would have prevented around that?) He's 22 now and they have a great relationship. I also know countless other families with kids who've gone into full-time childcare from 6 months and been fine ? and yours is a much better arrangement than many of them had.

Best of luck with your return to work.

Why Sovery?

Children,parents and settings differ soooooo ...........

soverylucky - I just find it astonishing that anyone can know hordes of children who didn't go to nursery but would have been damaged if they had!!

(Maybe I just focus more on my own offspring and don't spend precious hours analysing other people's, and projecting what I think would be the outcome if they had been to nursery )

Why Sovery?

Your kids loved it and you liked your nursery,that doesn't make it right for all families,what's to be sad about? They're not losing anything.

how could you possibly know hoards of children who would have been unhappy in a nursery setting??

if they didn't go how can you know??

that doesn't make sense.

I was a cm and can happily say that I was fantastic 😄but so was my local nursery. there are of course good and bad settings like good and bad homes.

when I said any loving setting I meant not necessarily professional but still stimulating and exciting.

I got 12 days first time but did have live in help so no nursery. It was either that or no job (was abroad)

I have been reading this thread with interest.

Simply for the sake of 'putting it out there', I was wondering if anyone else is aware of the neurological research in to the effects of nursery style day care?

It has been found that young children (under 3) in nursery suffer from constantly high cortisol levels (the stress hormone). This means they remain in a hyper aroused emotional state, which can lead to an inability to appropriately manage stress later in life.

This is also true for children who outwardly display no signs of any stress.

It has also be found that those same children still suffer from unusually high levels of cortisol 5 months after they have been taken out of nursery.

If anyone is interested in taking an objective view on the subject of widespread day-care for under 3s, here are some interesting articles.

For those of you who do not wish to consider that sending your child to nursery may have negative effects on your child's emotional development, don't open these links!

www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2010/oct/02/nurseries-childcare-pre-school-cortisol

www.theguardian.com/society/2005/sep/19/childrensservices.earlyyearseducation

www.nurseryworld.co.uk/article/1090957/row-daycare-stress-claims

www.nurseryworld.co.uk/article/719584/childrens-cortisol-levels-quality-childcare-provision

www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-2036266/Putting-baby-nursery-raise-heart-disease-risk-sends-stress-levels-soaring.html

www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/1545050/Children-can-be-damaged-by-nursery-stress.html

www.parentingscience.com/preschool-stress.html

www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/3337272/My-warning-to-parents-is-simple-one-in-five-children-put-into-nursery-early-will-develop-mental-health-problems.html

Discuss.

countrymummy:

Can I just put out there that if people want to study the neurological research into the effects of nursery care, they'd be far better informed to read the research studies (or a summarised version). You have given a load of links to newspaper articles. I could do the same and point out "advantages" to nursery care, except there's not much point because we'd be here all day, batting back and forth!

The bottom line is, as with any other aspect of parenting, you can read as much research as you like. What you'll find is conflicting evidence for most things (apart from really specific issues such as it being safer for most babies to sleep on their front.) The perspective of the research will be affected by the the stakeholders.

And then at the end of all your research and reading of text books, most sensible parents will trust their instincts because they know their children best. (Unless of course they have that special insight which enables them to know that other people's children would be damaged by going to nursery. Even though they haven't been.)

yes because child care ' professionals' never disagree!!

especially when there's a book to be sold.

janey68 totally agree.

Farewell I was just about to say the same thing.

janey68 do you know of any research which has found emotional benefits to nursery style day care? When I google it all I find is research in to why childcare should be better. Not why it is an advantage to the under 3 as an alternative to being at home.

I will try and find a link to a research paper. I thought reports would be easier to digest.

thebody I'm not talking about the thoughts of 'childcare professionals'. I'm talking about research carried out by highly qualified infant pyschologists and neuro-scientists.

I did it. My son is absolutely fine. In fact, I think it's better as we haven't had any separation issues at all and he took all in his stride!

'highly qualified infant psychologists and neuro scientists' disagree all of the time.

of course research is valuable but as janey68 says sensible parents read research and do what's best for their whole family.

this research would be very one sided of levels of cortisols weren't taken from children in different home settings and in child minder settings.

You're absolutely right thebody. Which is why children from a broad range of settings were monitored. Children who were cared for in a loving, responsive environment with a carer they knew and trusted cortisol levels raised and then levelled out again several times during the day. However nursery children's cortisol levels stayed high all through the day, and often several hours after they got home.

I would be really interested to hear about any infant psychologists who disagree.

And of course we all have to make our own judgements every day in how best to care for are own children. Am I not putting that in to question.

But widespread day-care for under 3s is a relatively modern phenomenon. As such I think it would be foolish for us (as a society) to assume that removing preschool children from home for extended periods poses no emotional risks to them whatsoever. At least not without asking the questions and seeking the answers.

If you google 'disadvantages of daycare' you'll come up with dozens of results.
If you google 'advantages of daycare' you'll come up with dozens of results.

That's what I meant by the completely pointless batting back and forth.

Sovery I too was a rec teacher and did see a difference in some.