AIBU to think leaving a 7 month baby to work ft is too young?

[LostMarbles99]

I have to go back to work but I really don't want to leave my baby.

Dc is only 7 months, it's too young isn't it?

Dh will do 2 days care, dm 1 day and childminder 2 days, but that's not time with me!

AIBU to think 7 months is too young to abandon baby?

Will he feel abandoned?

I went back to work when dc2 was 5 months he was fine

Of course 7 months isn't too young, as you can see loads of mums have gone back to work earlier than this, with no ill effects on the child. If you feel it's too soon for you, then say so and try to work something out with your DH, but I don't think your argument of the baby being too young to be in childcare 3 days a week holds much water tbh!

I was in full-time childcare from 3 months as my mum only had 12 weeks maternity pay. I was at a CM until 2, then a mix of nursery and CM, then full-time pre-school at 4. I'm fine, and your DS will be fine too :)

I'll be going back to work when DD1 is about 7 months - not much choice in the matter if we want to be able to pay the mortgage! I'd love to have the full year but we just won't be able to afford it. Your set up sounds like a good one, OP, although yes, I'm sure you will miss your DC.

Plenty of mum's in the US leave their baby's much earlier than this!

Don't stress, I guarantee you worrying will be more damaging to your well being than any harm to the baby!

Just make the most of weekends and evenings.

My mum went back to work after 6 months and I don't harbour any resentment, she was/still is a fantastic mum.

I am going to respectfully disagree with honey and suggest you will both get on much better if you compartmentalise a bit rather than demanding photo texts and Skype several times a day -- you'll get no work done otherwise and DH, DM and CM might feel like you don't trust them.

I am about to go back to work (4 days worked over 5) and my DD has been absolutely fine while with DH, DM and her nursery and I have been finding it great to use my skills again.

Fingers crossed.

My aunty went back to work when my cousins were 6 and 3 weeks and I don't know anyone with a better mother daughter relationship so 7 months isn't too young.

It's maybe worth having a chat to your Hv about your anxieties and for some reassurance

He will feel loved and cared for by several people instead of one, and it isn't really about him, it's about you finding it hard to move on from being the one and only in his life to sharing him.

YANBU to feel this way, he's your baby and only you can decide. That said, 3 days are being spent with his daddy or grandma, so it would be an opportunity for him to build strong relationships with other close relatives. Have you spoken to your DH and about how you feel?

I assumed you were going to say he was going to be in full time childcare - he's only going 2 days a week!

I went back to work when DS1 was 16 weeks - no choice, maternity leave was up and by then we were shopping out of the penny jar! He's 20 now and I'm certain it has done him no harm and he doesn't remember it anyway. At 7 months your baby won't really know if you've gone to work or popped out to the loo - he'll be well looked after. I do understand how you feel, I sobbed the night before going back to work with both my children! I knew they'd be fine, but what's logical about our feelings for our children? Actually, it was great and I loved skipping off most mornings to a grown up day!

Another one here who went back to work when mine were around 4 months. It used to be the norm you know. Long maternity leave is a very recent phenomenon. Tbh although I would say a shorter ML is physically tougher (still exclusive bf so lots of expressing, baby less likely to be sleeping through) from an emotional point of view I think it's perhaps easier. Apparently separation Anxiety for the baby has a peak at around 9-12 months. I've certainly noticed that younger colleagues seem to have more difficulties settling their children into childcare than I did- obviously that's a generalisation and all children are different but it's something I've noticed.

The bit I find a little worrying about your OP is that you make it sound like your child being with her dad is somehow 'second rate' which of course it isn't. Maybe you didn't mean to make it sound like that. It's great that he gets that time with his child too. Personally id have reservations about introducing a third childcarer and would probably use a childminder for the other 3 days as it may be a little fragmented for your child but why not try things and see

Oops sorry, just realised your baby is he not she.

It's a lot better than sending him to nursery. I would feel awful about it too, but if you have no choice then you have no choice.

Good luck x

Yanbu

Is there not anyway you could drop a day and grandma could do an extra day.That way he'd be cared for totally by family and you'd have 3 days a week with him.The loss of income would be covered by no nursery fees.

Sorry childminder fees and what the last poster said.At least it isn't a nursery,a cm is waaaay better.

I had to go back when my first was 3 months - to be honest it wasn;t any easier than leaving dd4 at 1 year - it is always hard!

I honestly don't think it is too young.

Even if it was 5 full days at nursery. I think it is fine as long as the parents choose a nursery wisely and feel comfortable with the nursery nurses. Especially since good nurseries use the key worker system and the baby can develop a bond with their key worker.

I think it is hard on the mother at that age, but babies that young are yet to experience separation anxiety so they will have time to bond with their carers.

Mine was 6.5 months when I went back to work FT. Her dad looked after her for two months and then she went to nursery 4 days a week with my sister looking after her one day. She is a very happy independent little thing and the nursery staff are lovely and very fond of her. She is very attached to me, to her dad and to her grandparents and aunt. It's never going to be easy but babies are very adaptable and there are huge advantages to them becoming accustomed to childcare from an early age. We just try to make sure we have quality time when we are together.

Yanbu-7 months is too young imo.

There is a skewed view on mn about this though. If a posters says that she will not leave her ebf baby for even a moment she is often told she is not bu-thats its perfectly normal not to want to leave your baby.

But leaving them in the care of strangers for 8 hours a day from 3 months old is perfectly fine apparently.

I have no issue with childcare-for over 1's btw.

retropear - evidence that a cm is "waaay" better please? Not a particularly helpful comment. Its all about the quality of care that he gets in any setting (INCLUDING AT HOME!!! 5 days f/t at a high quality nursery would be better than 5 days with an unengaged or resentful parent - not that I'm suggesting for a moment that what the OP's alternative is).

7 months is not too young. He is not being abandoned. You love him and you will still have a bond with him.

I am in same boat, dreading leaving my 9 month old to return to work, I am doing 3 days nursery, 2 days nanny in our home. I think 9 months is too young but between us I think I would feel the same is she were 12/14 months tbh. You are in a better position that your child will be looked after by your Mum and husband who, after you are the best people surely?

Fill your weekends with fun, if you can then get a cleaner? Good luck!