To be miffed at "Gift list for mother of the baby/naming ceremony" *PART 2!"

[doubleshotespresso]

Have been advised by the expert Mners here this needs a new thread....

So here it is.

Have printed off todays' email from the sister from hell for friends DH who is dropping in later to read, probably drink and discuss.....

Thanks so much for all your replies.... You ladies are helping me reain sane when I really really really want to lose the plot spectacularly!

Am about to sort dinner and stuff so wll update further later when friends DH has been and I know what to do if anything....

DF just read the email and is "do recycling and smash stuff" to "absorb before he comes over really South London.... . He is furious at the sister even referring to our recent loss amongst other comments in the message and wants a level head before our friend arrives...

All will be fine..... Will update later.

I am in utter disbelief at SweetFA (& not in a troll hunting way). I honestly can't believe anyone would act like that & certainly not towards their own sister. It really is shocking.

It's so good your friend has you & glad the thread has helped you.

Pokes nose in

Helloooo... I was reading the other thread when it started but I've lost track with what's gone on. Would someone be so kind as to post a summary of what's happened so far? I've gone back to the old thread but so much has happened that I can't piece it all together because I am stupid.

Pretty please?

for OP because I have managed to work out in my mushy-brain-state that you've had a loss. And more for your engagement

double I think you are being utterly wonderful throughout this whole saga, but I have to confess when thread 1 got moved to Classics it gave me pause for thought as well. There's an awful lot of personal, emotional stuff on here to be preserved indefinitely on MN. In your place I'd probably feel happier with the threads being deleted once everything's over.

But then that's just me- someone up thread mentioned blogs, and of course some people share a lot more of themselves on those and are fine with it :)

But back on topic, I hope the manicure suits your bling

An hour.

That's how long it has taken me to get through both threads.

Wow.

OP, lovely person and have enjoyed this thread and hope to follow to the end (ie the full run down of how the actual christening/naming ceremony pans out)

Sister = self obsessed, nasty piece of work.

Right, am off to bed 13 week old DS will be up at 4am why have I spent an hour reading MN???

olidusUrsus I will PM you a brief outline in a while, yes its has all been vey jam-packed!!!!

GiraffesandButterflies have thought about this a lot this evening.... our friends left earlier after a lovely evening and we drank the Champagne that friends' parents sent over for us. Just got back from a walk with DP and talked this over with him.... He has great judgement and I always heed his suggestions on how to do things I struggle with as he knows me best and is not afraid to be honest.

So I think this is where I sit now, had not really expected the thread to come back to life as it has in the last 2-3 days.... And to be honest was using this as a very easy way to offload, rant,vent and get some perspective and also to calm down as I was at one point really so angry....

It is true I think that now the thread contains details quite specific and as the whole point of it was to figure out (and ultimately help) our friends I have perhaps not paused for real thoughts on it all until this evening....

And I have realised with a bit of re-visiting that I probably expected it to come to a natural end once we had re-jigged the plans, was completely blindsided to become engaged amongst all the madness and yes enjoyed all the congratulations and wonderfully sweet,sincere and amusing posts through it all!

So a few posts have mentioned blogging.... Not sure how to go about that on here, but will look into this and perhaps begin one and thus put the Gift List saga to bed..... DF suggested that as I have gained so much support from here it might be the right time to separate the stories and then those who are interested in the wedding plans would be free to follow if they wanted. But my friends stuff would then be removed from the public domain now that it is all mostly sorted.

Think I will print off the threads for my myself in the next couple of days and then let the thread fizzle out and delete afterwards... Have not posted many times before so will read into the guidelines on all these things.... This thread kind of ran away with me!

I originally lurked on Mumsnet to help me be a better stepmum and I rarely post, but have realised this is such a powerful and supportive tool in life,love and generally keeping sane..... So do not want to cause offence anywhere, but perhaps assist those in need of advice in the future as others have helped me on this thread and others previously....

I would be interested what you think on this Giraffe or anybody else who would be kind enough to share their point of view....

Oh and yes I have very shiny and lovely nails thanks! I bottled a bold colour but am delighted with the result and it is true- the ring looks even better with a professional manicure instead of my botched 5 minute job!

Aw thanks double that's really kind of you!

You are welcome...... Will update the rest..... (Past few days) in a bit-just making tea..... Sorry it was so lengthy but you get the drift now at least!

Think I will print off the threads for my myself in the next couple of days and then let the thread fizzle out and delete afterwards...

That won't happen to thread 1 as it's in Classics, which is what gave me pause. Threads in Chat get deleted a while after people stop posting on them; threads in Classics are kept there so anyone can read them in future. (Sorry if I'm telling you things you already know!)

I don't think you've shared with us anything you shouldn't have, but personally I would want the peace of mind from knowing the threads would eventually automatically be deleted- as I say, that's just my feeling on it though. Hope I don't get flamed for saying this as I know lots of people wanted thread 1 in Classics!! Please forgive me fellow fans of doubleshot!!

Have just realised I repeated myself a lot in that post.. I'm blaming that on lack of sleep!

Giraffesand Butterflies thanks for that ..... And no I did not know that....

I have been on here a while but more as somebody who enjoys reading other peoples threads and check out recipes etc..... I see now that here is a lot to learn and read up on as to how threads work..... i don't think I really clocked onto what CLassics meant.... This means other posters like it enough for MN to keep it live is that what you mean.... Other less popular threads just eventually disappear? Have I got that right?

Sorry I guess this is something I should have been more au fait with before posting this one!! Aaaggghh

Feel a bit as if this thread has been a great one for me and entertained other MNers until today when I feel a bit (probably rightly so) kicked in the head).... Am also very exhausted but too wired to sleep.... Think I need to unravel a bit this weekend..... Everything has really hit me like a train in the last two days.... The last couple of weeks (cpl of months really) have been so so so emotional, challenging and utterly exhausting!

Need to clear my head and assure myself normality is soon to return!

Rambling sorry !

So how would a blog be better or different?

I think I am with Giraffes - I loved following your first thread but if I was your friend doing a bit of research on my pregnancy diabetes I would probably end up on Mumsnet and if this thread is at the top of AIBU when she did it would just jump out at her, no? It's a risk - and it's also a risk that she might never quite forgive you for putting it all out there which would be a massive shame after you have been such an amazing friend to her through it! Google anything pregnancy related - Mumsnet is almost always in the top 5 results (I have been hooked on AIBU after an innocent search on whether to give up coffee when TTC!!). I would get this deleted - at least from when the sister starts emailing onwards and things get a bit more messy

Sorry crossed post! I think a blog might be harder to stumble on but no less public when someone does!

fwiw, I don't think AIBU threads don't get deleted automatically - that only happens to threads in Chat. but while there are billions of AIBUs, there are not so many MN Classics, so the latter are more easily spotted if you look under the topic heading.

if double does decide that the whole naming ceremony thing is a bit too identifiable then the best thing would be to ask MN Towers to delete both threads; that would be a bit sad, as the unwinding of the saga has been so gripping, but I'm sure MN would go along with whatever you think best, double

sorry, I lost control of my grammar there - I mean

I don't think AIBU threads do get deleted automatically

Double fwiw I have absolutely loved your threads and am so glad that they have helped you when you've been having a stressful time. I think everyone commenting, posting and generally loving you to bits just want the best for you, so I don't think anyone will object if you delete it. We've read the thread and know the story now. It does have quite a lot of information that could 'out' your friend, her sister, even 'Fronk'... Mn is such a big online resource... I just googled 'naming ceremony gift list' and your thread is the first result (google Australia too). If the sister is digging around, perhaps to vindicate herself that other people have naming ceremony gift lists, then she will easily find this. Sorry, I don't want to add to the stress you've had but it is worth thinking about.

I don't think sister finding this thread is a problem, she needs a reality check, if this is where she gets it that's just fine

(Have contributed to this thread previously but just done a name change for other reasons, just for the record.)

Yes but she could use it to stir things up with doubles friend and family... From the sounds of things it is just her style. Especially as she's been asked not to attend.

fwiw, I don't think AIBU threads do get deleted automatically - that only happens to threads in Chat

Oh bugger, were we in AIBU originally? I'm losing track!
Have reported my post and asked MNHQ to come clarify the options for you double.

I'm a bit hesitant to give further advice now for fear of talking bollocks but blogs in general are more like online diaries. Not necessarily hosted by MN, it's like having your own online newspaper column where you can post regularly or sporadically about whatever, and people interested in what you have to say can read it. And you'd be starting from scratch on a blog, and you'd have control over how long to keep things or what to delete.

I think a blog is probably overkill unless you are motivated to start one for other reasons. I think most of your newly acquired fans would be happy if you maybe just posted on here or another thread to let us know how the baby naming party goes, and then another thread or two down the line to let us know how your wedding prep and/or wedding itself goes. Depends how much you want to tell us really.

MN is always desperate keen to hear the end of a good story (myself 100% included) but you are of course not obliged to give us any further updates at all :)

Wow double I have read this and the previous thread in one sitting and am amazed and moved. Just a couple of points :

1. Please don't tarnish Australia with the friend's values. I think FA represents international self obsessed PR culture which transcends national boundaries!

1. I think this is a deep clash of values between friend and her sister. The sister actually thinks that an 8 month old baby will care whether her event is sufficiently fashionable and non-vanilla and integrates all those endorsement and commission opportunites?!

If they had not fallen out over this it would be over something else, Thank you for sharing your story so far.

( I mean don't tarnish Aust with the friend's sister's values

I think that the cautionary notes that have been flagged are wise - it could be upsetting for your friend to see any of this, especially as the first part of the first thread was uncompromisingly harsh on her, before the truth was known!

AIBU threads are kept ad infinitum as well, they're just harder to find than Classic threads later because there are so bloody MANY of them.

In some ways I'm surprised that MNHQ didn't flag this themselves before agreeing to put in into Classics but I expect they were carried along on the tide of positivity towards the end of thread 1, like the rest of us.

What I WOULD suggest, if you don't want to delete this thread, is that you get the title changed at the very least. Ask MNHQ to change it, they can - perhaps something like "the further adventures of Fronk's friend" or something that everso vaguely alludes to the sister's email - or just get this one deleted.

It has been amazing to read and I would love to hear the outcome and how well the naming ceremony goes and whether Miss Memememe shows up! but I agree the risks of it getting back to your friend are rising, albeit slowly.

double , I have been 'umming' and ah'ing' about your deletion dilemma, because the thread truly does deserve to be a classic - not least because it shows MN at its best. Equally, there is little doubt of outing if anyone close to the picture should stumble across it.

Putting Part 2 into AIBU was always a risk to the overall upbeat nature of things, because it invites critical input, but that may well have become a positive for you - thread addicts were always going to want to hear every detail, and I think we all lost focus on the risk of outing, once the initial query about privacy was addressed. There has been a welter of further identifiable info since that first discussion!

Perhaps the question to ask yourself is whether it is worth even a small potential risk to the friendship, over an online exchange which will be forever enshrined for all to see?. All of us who have stayed with you through the story could probably answer that one for you

The blog is a wonderful solution, and need not mean losing everything.....we can all still carry on chipping in our two penn'orth!!
You can print off the entire exchange, to keep as a personal memento, and then precis a non-identifiable 'background' as the start of your wedding planning blog, just giving a taste of how the engagement occurred (ven Fronk could slide in there, if you tweak with care) Reporting on a "wonderful christening you attended while in the midst of your wedding planning", would not be at all amiss so we can all still hear how things turned out I am sure that you could even include some comments made on the original thread if they were particularly helpful - a quick pm to anyone you want to quote would result in happy permission I am sure.

I shall be sad to see this come to a close, but doing the right thing for your friend, and friendship, matters more ....and we know that has always been your motivator.

Thunbwitch, MNHQ did check with the OP on the thread ic she was ok about the move to classics from chat, but they may not have appreciated that she missed the automatic deletion distinction.

I've just spent an age reading through this. Congratulations, well done and much admiration to you. You are a lady of substance and backbone and your family clearly recognise that.

Lovely all this is, though, I would delete. It is highly likely that your friend might mumsnet in the future. As someone said, internet searching diabetes would bring all this up and when the dust has settled, the calm has desended, she might feel agrieved that so much was aired. We have all lived vicariously through your situation and your highs and lows have added to our days but it would be selfish to demand that we can keep looking at this. After all, that is what a memory is for and part of the joy of these types of forums is the fleeting nature of their markers in time.

Perhaps give us another thread in September, telling us about the day and a different thread about wedding plans - methinks your wedding will be lovely with no bridezillas and perhaps a change in career for you into sympathetic event mangement!