To be miffed at "Gift list for mother of the baby/naming ceremony" *PART 2!"

[doubleshotespresso]

Have been advised by the expert Mners here this needs a new thread....

So here it is.

Have printed off todays' email from the sister from hell for friends DH who is dropping in later to read, probably drink and discuss.....

Thanks so much for all your replies.... You ladies are helping me reain sane when I really really really want to lose the plot spectacularly!

Am about to sort dinner and stuff so wll update further later when friends DH has been and I know what to do if anything....

DF just read the email and is "do recycling and smash stuff" to "absorb before he comes over really South London.... . He is furious at the sister even referring to our recent loss amongst other comments in the message and wants a level head before our friend arrives...

All will be fine..... Will update later.

[MsPickle]

Oh double, I understand your sadness. After you've clearly worked so hard to make your family into a tightly, united by love, unit to watch someone throw that away must be very painful. Sounds like the only option now but hopefully, given time, she will realise that she was batshit crazy and will find a way to mend bridges.

Hugs for you all.

On another note, how about a south London meet up MNrs so we can toast double properly?

[Ponders]

yes, it is awful, & very sad for the whole family

but there doesn't seem to be any other way forward really. she is existing on a different level of reality from everybody else.

[LittleRedDinosaur]

Wow double! I hope I've got a friend like you should I need one. Nasty sister, horrible situation. Hope all sorts itself out soon and you get chance to relax and focus on nice things.

[Ponders]

ooooh, cheese toasties after midnight for adolescents will give them weird dreams

[Nessalina]

Wow. That's pretty severe, but totally appropriate given what a total psycho cow Sweet FA has been. She needs to hear it hard or she won't hear it at all! I'm so impressed that you resisted emailing her back direct especially when she was so invasive about what you've been going through. You are my new restraint role model!! God, just think what your friend would be going through now if you hadn't stepped up to help!!

[evelynj]

Don't feel sick, this is best for everyone. She would have tainted the day & you couldn't have joked about the alternative with her there. This way it won't be awful if someone mentions it.

She can rebuild bridges with her family later if she gets a personality transplant. LOL at sweet FA!

You can hold your head up high at all you, your DF and friend and her DH & extended families have done. Good friends are hard to find and most families have a nutter so don't worry about it and enjoy!

[SolidGoldBrass]

I know the MN habit of diagnosing people online can sometimes be annoying, but this sister sounds like a narcissistic personality. She probably bullied the rest of the family for years before moving to Oz.

ANyway, well done Double, good luck with everything.

[WhiteBirdBlueSky]

Cheese toastie would be lovely.

[doubleshotespresso]

It is very sad to think this has happened. But if I know FDh he will not be budged now on this.... He says friend was dreading seeing her anyway,mI just wonder where this goes in years to come for two sisters?

But for now I am off to bed. DP and FDH still gassing. I have to get horizontal...... Thanks everybody, will read posts properly in the morning....

[DoJo]

Dear Lord - what a fricking performance! Have just caught up with everything that has happened and can agree wholeheartedly with all the posters who have
a) congratulated you on your engagement (first things first!)
b) pointed out what a fab friend you are
c) enjoyed the unfolding saga of the DDP
d) been horrified at the way your friend's sister has treated her
e) been horrified some more at the way the sister has treated you
f) whooped and cheered at the way you have dealt with everyone
g) been thoroughly pleased that it sounds like everything is going to be ok and that the sister is not going to be given the opportunity to fuck things up for anyone else.

I think that about covers it, but just in case: you rock; your friend's lucky to have you; her sister's a twat; your wedding will be awesome; almost everyone on MN now wants a cheese toastie!

[roundtheback]

There's something fishy going on here. The sister has got some kind of vested interest in this event.

For example, has your friend actually seen the whole guest list that Fronk and sister came up with? Could she have invited business contacts in order to showcase her own business?

I'm not sure exactly what, but there is more to this than the sister is owning up to.

[claudedebussy]

is this out of character for the sister?

just seems very, very strange.

[SauvignonBlanche]

You've done the right thing. OP
I'm sure, from what you've said, that your friend's DH will sober up before he emails FA?

[diddl]

How horribly sad.

But then how could the sister think that invitations with a gift list for the mum was anything other than wrong?

I think that OP said on the other thread that the items on the gift list were linked to her own business?

Or from company/ies she was hoping to become associated with-or did I dream that?

Either way, as I put earlier, to use your own niece and sisiter as a business opportunity-justand

[beginnings]

Do you know who I feel the most sorry for here? Your friends DPs. Can you imagine how mortified they must be to have raised someone who thinks it's ok to behave like this.

The long term implications of this are very sad.

[WingDefence]

What a sad state of affairs. Serves the sister right for trying to mix business and family (ie rip family off for her own greed) but it's your DFriend who is going to lose out because of this vile behaviour.

Thank goodness she has you, your DF, her DH and, by the sounds of it, a lovely DMum too to support her.

[hobnobsaremyfavourite]

my gob is smacked wtaf

[ThedementedPenguin]

I really can't believe it.

Although in a way it doesn't surprise me. I have a sister who is very like this. It's very hurtful and gets very very annoying after a while.

I'm so glad that your friend has you, your df and her husband to stand up for her against her sister. She has and is acting appalling.

I hope you both a lot of luck in dealing with this all.

[ithaka]

It is so sad, but the most important thing is that your friend is completely on board with cutting her sister out like this. I am sorry if I strike a discordant note on this thread, but I am a bit uncomfortable about the way her DH is making that decision for her.

I know she has not been well and has had a new baby, but it is starting to feel a bit like that is being used as a reason to infantilise her and make decisions 'for her own good'.

Sibling relationships can be dark and complex but they also run very deep. I think the DH needs let his wife decide for herself what she wishes with her sister in relation to this event and the future, without pushing his opinion so strongly.

[wharrgarbl]

roundtheback There's something fishy going on here. The sister has got some kind of vested interest in this event.
I think that's been established beyond all doubt in the previous thread. There were definitely kickbacks from the planner, and most likely from the suppliers as well. Sister has all the moral fortitude of a dunny rat. She has in fact reaped what she sowed, however sad it is.

[AnnieLobeseder]

Aw, you still sound like the loveliest person ever - interpreting your DH's need for cheese toasties and making them for everyone!!

I'm sorry this situation has descended back into darkness and chaos after it was all going so well. But you're an amazing friend, and it must be a huge relief that F's family have your back so completely.

Let's hope that one day F's sister has an awakening and realises how appallingly she's behaved.

[Guerrillacrochet]

Hope you've had a good kip double. I was to read the crazy FA development. She obviously can't cope with the focus being away from her for a minute.
I'm sure that your FDH will talk to her about it before he emails the FA (unless he did it last night, fired up on beer and cheese toasties) and that she will probably be relieved even if she is upset about the way things have gone. I bet she was dreading it with the sister- and she absolutely would have if she'd seen that email.
I agree sibling relationships are complicated and run very deep- if it can be healed I am sure it will, when the time is right.

[TanglednotTamed]

Could she have invited business contacts in order to showcase her own business?

I think roundtheback might be on to something here!

[humdumaggapang]

Due to the manner in which my DD was conceived (using donor) my bastard of a brother has cut himself off from the family due to his beliefs. It is unbelievably sad my DD will never get to know her uncle. However I would not want such a toxic person in her life. It has broken my mum's heart though. Before sending the email the family really need to consider the long term implications of this action and whether they are prepared for this sort of thing to happen. Yes bridges can be built later, but this can also be the kind of thing that goes on for years . Only they can decide if that is really the best course of action. Good luck to you all. X

[buildingmycorestrength]

I am glad that friend's DH will have a chance to sober up and calm down before speaking to her.

He must have been absolutely incandescent with rage last night but better to take those decisions in the cold light of day, and consider how to frame it with your friend.

Your friend will probably be devastated and mortified that her sister has been such an idiot again and hurt and insulted you.

Perhaps consider ways to limit the damage done emotionally? Like getting a big picture of her and throwing darts at it, and burning her email ritualistically ...to get it all out of your system? .