To be miffed at "Gift list for mother of the baby/naming ceremony" *PART 2!"

[doubleshotespresso]

Have been advised by the expert Mners here this needs a new thread....

So here it is.

Have printed off todays' email from the sister from hell for friends DH who is dropping in later to read, probably drink and discuss.....

Thanks so much for all your replies.... You ladies are helping me reain sane when I really really really want to lose the plot spectacularly!

Am about to sort dinner and stuff so wll update further later when friends DH has been and I know what to do if anything....

DF just read the email and is "do recycling and smash stuff" to "absorb before he comes over really South London.... . He is furious at the sister even referring to our recent loss amongst other comments in the message and wants a level head before our friend arrives...

All will be fine..... Will update later.

[Nanny0gg]

I'm so glad that this potential shambles event is going to turn out well, and I'm really pleased for Double's happy news too.

But I do feel sorry for the mum of the two sisters. I would be devastated if I was her, knowing what upset one of her children has caused the other.

[TakingTheStairs]

I am officially on Team DoubleShotEspresso

Who is with me?

[AllThatGlistens]

Oh dear god.. Have just caught up with both threads and I'm just staggered at how appallingly the sister has behaved!

Wow.. You really couldn't make this stuff up could you? Just outrageous and so incredibly insensitive to have written that email, what a vile, crass woman

So sad for the family that have to deal with her behaviour but bravo to your friends DH for refusing to put up with it.

[FridaKarlov]

Delurking to boggle at the brass neck of that bloody sister!

[QueenofallIsee]

Much like Frida, am boggling at the audacity! Just...WOW

[pigletmania]

That's good that friends husband is taking over on behalf of both of them, as frend is in no fit state to stand up to her sister. I hope tat the day is wonderful for te family and tat it won't be tarnished by the sisters craziness. Please keep us updated

[MostlyCake]

Have just sat and read the whole thread from start to finish! Double you are awesome! You have literally saved the day for your friend, you're engaged and make cheese toasties!!

I do think you are doing the right thing by not replying to FA, she really sounds like she is from another planet... I thought people like that were just made up for shows like Ugly Betty or OK! magazine....I never thought for a second they were real!!

[LilyAmaryllis]

I salute your friend's DH for sticking up for his wife! (and your DF for sticking up for you, too). So often on MN you read about situations where the husband/partner won't step up and do that.

Don't feel sick at the sister not coming, it looks like it is absolutely for the best AND she brought it on herself, totally. Bridges can be built again in the future (as someone said, when's she's had a personality transplant)

[IneedAsockamnesty]

This has kept me reverted, your friend is a lucky lady to have you.

[waltermittymissus]

I can't say I blame FDH. I think sister is very lucky to live in Oz!

But I agree with PP who have sympathy for their parents. I'd be so devastated to see one daughter treat another so abominably.

[SolidGoldBrass]

I do have to say I agree with Ithaka about the need to be sure the friend is OK with cutting her sister off completely. Even if the sister is completely toxic, it's up to the friend not her H to decide on something like that.

[pigletmania]

Solid the sister has already done tat single handedly by her appealing behaviour. She has upset her parents and her sister, mabey it is better tat the sisters do not speak until all this is over and te friend Is in the right frame of mind. The friends husband has every right to pull the sister up on her behaviour an mabey it is better if sn does not coe excuse she clearly cannot b trusted not to ruin it. They ound like polar opposites tbh, I don know how their relationship was like before and when they were growing up. Mabey they might patch things up in the future but since is best for now.

[pigletmania]

Silence doh

[pigletmania]

Meant it is better if the sister does not come to the event

[ithaka]

Nonetheless, it is not the DH's sister, so it is easy for him to take the hard line - he has nothing to lose. His wife is not a child, it is up to her whether she wishes to speak to her sister, disinvite her from the event etc, not her husband.

[SixPackWellies]

marking place shamelessly.

[diddl]

Well if I was vulnerable, I'd hope my husband would step up for me!

We are not joined at the hip, but I would allow him to speak for me if I felt unable to iyswim.

[ithaka]

That is fine, if you wish him to. I am not aware that she has been given a choice - she has not seen an email from her sister that her DH & his male friend have seen, got drunk with, and thn decided what to do for her own good.

My point is, she should get to make these decisions. If she then wants her DH to speak to her sister on her behalf, fine. But don't keep her in the dark like a child. There is a line between caring and controlling - the sister crossed the line big time, but it seems to me the DH's behaviour is now shading across.

That is just my view, I don't want to derail a wonderful supportive thread.

[Pixieonthemoor]

Well, I thought that nothing in life would shock me anymore but that email from the friends sister has left me gasping! I am so so sorry that she has upset you. I am also sorry that she has caused such a rift in the family but frankly she only has herself to blame. She sounds unhinged and I worry that she will never understand the colossal wrong she has done which will be necessary for a rapprochement in later years.

Life is great in the way it teaches you new things all the time. This thread has taught me how to be a much better friend. I am learning from your amazing example Double you have been utterly wonderful and a total rock for your friend in her time of need even though you are in a time of need yourself. You absolutely rock and I hope to be as good a friend to someone one day (although I wouldn't wish what has happened to your friend on anyone!)

[WhatchaMaCalllit]

double - I have read the entire first thread in one go as it was gripping and emotional and brilliant and fantastic and gobsmackingly awful and jump up and down with excitement all rolled into one.

In no particular order -

1. I was so sorry to read about your loss, and I know it's probably not the done thing on MN but I think you need a hug so here you go {{HUGS}}
   
2. I think you are just brilliant.
   
3. Massive congratulations to you and your DF
   
4. You are a real friend to your friend, don't ever forget that.
   
5. Your friend's sister is bonkers. Totally. Completely. Forget being a few sandwiches short of a picnic, she seems to have forgotten the entire f*^king picnic to be honest.
   
6. You don't need a wedding planner for your own wedding - you are your own wedding planner and the day will be beautiful.
   
7. To the bonkers sister - Some people like 'Vanilla' so there!
   

I'm posting this having gotten to pg 3 of 6 (at the moment) - I'll carry on from there and see what else has happened in the meantime.

[doubleshotespresso]

ithaka the point you have raised is valid, it is partly why I felt so sick last night, but here is some additional background for you....

I would agree in an ideal world that my friend should have sight of the email..... But the factis this. When this whole saga began and I went that day for coffee, she was barely functioning. She has been very ill throughout her pregnancy and remains to be so with a type of diabetes that only comes with being pregnant. Due to this she was a walking zombie, sleep deprived, emotional at not being a good Mum and totally overwhelmed at the daily chores running a house, looking after her older DSS and a new baby that had cried constantly for weeks.

She has in the last fortninght made vast improvements and doctors are now looking at how they can medicate properly, but she is still very weak.

An email from her sister questioning the state of her marriage, questioning her own judgement, referring to her friends MC, accusing her of damaging sisters business etc is not going to do anything but derail her. Nobody is treating her like a child, they are doing what people do when they love somebody and can see they are broken. They are protecting her until she regains the necessary strength to contend with it.

I utterly understand your conerns, but believe me her DH has not taken this decsion ligtly, he is talking to her this morning and will simply tell her he does not want her sister closely involved with their baby for now. Anybody who has read this thread I am sure will agree that is not unreasonable. She will not be kept completely in the dark, her mother will I am sure manage the situation further..... But the health of my friend and her baby are the focus of any decisions (right or wrong) made.

Friend has in the last week discussed removing sister from the plans with DH as she was "dreading seeing her".

Hope this explains things fully for you.......it is sad, but I guess for the best.

Am just reading the pther posts, but wanted to clarify things on this point first..... Will update further in a bit. Thanks everybody for all the congratulations and wise and witty words as always!

[WafflyVersatile]

He's already discussed some of it with Friend and the OP says he will show it to her before he sends it.

Also this email was not sent to Friend it was sent to the OP. The OP could have replied without consulting any of them if she'd wanted.

It's FDH's child and ceremony too so he has a 50% say in who comes and who is 'special adult' anyway.

[WafflyVersatile]

oh, xpost.

[pigletmania]

I guess that she should have even shown the e mail, and make a decision abut her sister from then, if she wants her husband to speak to her on her behalf as she can't face her than tats up to her. The husband Has every right to pull sister on her beaviour in regards to their families event and to tell her to back off from it, its his babys Christening too. From reading te previous thread, it sounds as though that is what his wife also wants bu is not in a position to say that to her.

[WhatchaMaCalllit]

Ok - got to page 6 and saw that FDH has decided to take the steps to protect his wife from Bonkers Sister.
I echo what Lily Amaryllis wrote :-
Don't feel sick at the sister not coming, it looks like it is absolutely for the best AND she brought it on herself, totally.
Bonkers Sister just didn't know when or where to draw the line on this.
If Bonkers Sister was genuinely concerned about her own sister, who was and is ill, she would have tried to visit sooner or made efforts to do that. She didn't.
She seems to be all about the money (Did Jessie J write that song about her, do you know?) and nothing about the bonds of family or friendship.

I still think you are great!

TakingTheStairs throw us over a pom-pom so I can join Team DoubleShotEspresso please!