To be miffed at "Gift list for mother of the baby/naming ceremony" *PART 2!"

[doubleshotespresso]

Have been advised by the expert Mners here this needs a new thread....

So here it is.

Have printed off todays' email from the sister from hell for friends DH who is dropping in later to read, probably drink and discuss.....

Thanks so much for all your replies.... You ladies are helping me reain sane when I really really really want to lose the plot spectacularly!

Am about to sort dinner and stuff so wll update further later when friends DH has been and I know what to do if anything....

DF just read the email and is "do recycling and smash stuff" to "absorb before he comes over really South London.... . He is furious at the sister even referring to our recent loss amongst other comments in the message and wants a level head before our friend arrives...

All will be fine..... Will update later.

doublrshot is there anyone else who could help your friend out, I was thinking of her parents or PIL or could they get in some professional help to take some of the load from her so that she can focus on herself?

I think that in a strong relationship, not one that is usually controlling, a partner should be able to step in and say that in this instance they will make the decision to take a particular action and take responsibility for it. I hope, and I'm pretty sure that my DH would do that it required. there are times when that is the appropriate thing to do .

As the friends mother has been informed and agrees with the action in this case, it sounds an appropriate course of action.

Good luck and I wish your friend well.

I totally agree op you are all doing te best to help her as she is extremely vulnerable health and psychological wise and I think in these circumstances it is wise to have nothing to do with this very toxic person at the moment, until after the event and when friend is a bit better. it is great tat dh is acting on his wife's behalf and with her best interests at heart

The sister seems not to care one jot about her sisters health, but making it all about her. That is not good for this very vulnerable lady, the most important things to her now are getting better and her dh and baby not the self centred narcissistic sister

Oh For The Love of God!

She is un-fucking-believable.

PLEASE just send her a link to these threads and then block?

But I know you are far bigger and more mature than I would be

Ok so had a few phone calls this morning which have reassured me well....

-friends DH has spoken to my friend who is "actually tangibly relieved" that sister will now not be coming. He has emailed her a very formal response which he CC'd me into, so she can see he has copied me in. It basically expresses deep regret, soul-searching etc and states the decision was very well-considered but viewed as the only option. It also details very clearly how detrimental her behaviour has been and he questions why she chose to behave so appallingly.He will call her to discuss whether or not she wishes to meet them for lunch when she visits in an attempt to see if she wishes to try and rebuild the relationship with our friend. He makes clear that any meeting will need to be positive and civil. And that the sister is not to contact anybody but their mother at this stage.

-Friends mother has phoned to explain she will be talking to the sister and flag the damage hat has already been done and that how things move in the future entirely hinges upon how she conducts herself towards our friend. She has spoken to our friend today and agrees that whilst sad, she is relieved....

-friend has phoned (she and baby are due to come over later when I am finished working I will collect them). She says she knows "there's been a lot happening, but DH glossed over stuff for her, but she feels pleased that Sweet FA is now not coming." She knows the was an email received and that DH told her it was so offensive he did not want her to read it. She can "deal without all her crap" until the ceremony is over se says.

So as is our weekly ritual we will be drinking tea this afternoon and catching up before all the kids arrive home/get collected and then film night commences. There will be the usual debate that DSD inevitably loses with 3 teenage boys who always end up winning their film choice but hey nothing is ever perfect. For now though routine is restored and my friend is still on the mend......

just marking my place, don't mind me...

I think it's awful how she flippantly referred to your MC like it was some minor inconvenience, but obviously the most important issue is her being put upon wrt the DDP.

:( :( :(

that all sounds very constructive & positive, double, & I'm glad to hear your friend is happy with what's been done

more for you (& for FDH & for FDM )

(& lolol at SweetFA, wish I'd thought of that )

To answer some queries from previous posts regarding the sister here goes:

-Yes the sister has a business (media type of stuff) which represents the companies who have items which were detailed on the gift list. We did some digging on this and it seems a lot of personal concierge/lifestyle management companies (I know I Know!) operate lists like this and the companies pay for being featured.... All very alien to me (as were the gifts tbh) so yes the sister was due to earn from this in addition to a "Finders Fee for DDP" and also commission from the suppliers of all the entertainment and flowers etc.

-Am pretty sure this is not common practice for most normal families in Australia, seems more likely to be a money-spinner dreamt up by the sister and DDP than an Oz trend!

-according to friend and her mother, the sister has always been very abrasive and quite self-absorbed, but not to this level before. It sounds as though her company is successful though and she has become worse in the last couple of years. The two sisters are not at all close, my friend is however very close to her brother (who is lovely and nothing like the sister!)

All sounds pretty positive.

Perhaps the friend & her sister weren't that close, so it's not too big a blow.

My sis is nothing like this, we get on very well when we see each other, but don't miss each other when we don't iyswim.

So in all honesty, if I cut her out, it wouldn't really impact.

Ponders we realised late last night that Sweet FA is probably a name we should drop or keep in text only as it is not something we want our combined teenagers to regard as normal. But as friends DH said mid cheese toastie "just has the perfect ring to it though eh?"

Been lurking, but just had to say: how fantastic that you and your friend have such supportive partners and parents! I know the outcome is sad, as no one wants to cut a relative out, but I've been very impressed at how you've all behaved - no-ones stood for FAs shit, you've all called her (and DDP) on it, instead of sweeping it under the carpet.
Also, brilliant for your SC to see it, good for them to know they've got a lion in their corner should the need arise.

all round, + [standing ovation]

Congratulations on your engagement too! I wondered if your DP had been planning it for a while, or was spurred on by seeing you in lioness mode action and thought "I must marry this woman ASAP!"

Oh! And completely forgot, I know most people do this stuff regularly, but this is a real treat for me, I never go to salons really....

Now I have the ring, I thought I really should do something with my nails.

So am off very soon for a Shellac manicure-my first ever- am so excited it is ridiculous...... Not really sure what Shellac does but went for it as they said it lasts longer.

I am so rock and roll!

this may be a leap too far, but the sister sounds like a raging cokehead to be that self absorbed and self important... wonder if she's so into her meejia job she's hoovering industrial quantities of showbiz sugar and therefore really doesn't know which way is up? not making excuses, but it could be an explanation...

Wylye that is funny I asked DP this the other day.... He said he had been thinking about it for a while and he was out in the car with the twin DSSs and one of them piped up he "should get it sorted soon everyone thinks you are married anyway"

And yes all this saga he says prompted him to do it as he says he wants me officially on his side now he has seen what I can be like with the opposition! I laughed and cried at that bit!

So sweet FA was using her sisters event as an opportunity for doing business, self promotion under te guise of giving her niece the best, nice. All this without her sisters knowledge and consent, she has nobody to blame for the break down of her relationship with her sister but herself! Seems like the sisters were never really close so ave nothing to loose. The sweet FA onthe other had has upset ad angered many people close to her, she deserves all that she gets

I have read through these threads with a huge roller-coaster of emotions... Joy for you and your DP (DF!), horror and incredulity at the wicked and selfish behaviour of the self-styled 'First Aunt' - hahahaha - sympathy for your friend & her DH, awe and admiration at your help, tact, forcefulness and kindness, pity for your friend's parents - as someone said above, they must feel awful at what their one daughter has tried to do to her sister - and above all the great feeling that you get when cheering on the hero of a blockbuster -- you are Indiana Jones & Superman rolled into one, and it's great to have the satisfying feeling that the good guy has won the battle against the dark forces..... You can tell that I've got a DS who's a Star Wars fanatic, can't you...?? . Enjoy your tea, and the MN army will be out in force with their baseball bats if you need us - just send up the Bat-signal.....

piglet yes I am afraid so. We got confirmation on this when we did some digging with the help of the hotel manager, really disgusting I was heartbroken when I had to explain this to my friend. Thank God we jumped in when we did....

Easter never considered that-but you could be right. I really do not know the sister well enough to judge but she does move in some very showbiz and media type circles.... Does that make you behave so mentally? I thought it just kept you awake? God I am jot in touch with these things at all!

Well done OP!

That is just so low, understandably her sister is hurt and upset. Hopefully the family will have te day that they want without sweet FA ruining everything

Well, all I can say is, wise man!!

Re FA, from reading her bizarro emails, I wondered if she'd been either in counselling or was perhaps a self-help book addict - a lot of those phrases are very particular to that genre... All that bollocks about needing an apology for her to move on with her process etc...
I hope she doesn't cause more stress when she's over in the UK for her visit, thank goodness she lives in Oz and not round the corner!

Oh my goodness - what a drama!!
So glad that your friend's mum has taken a sensible stance on all of this and I really hope she takes her other DD to task over what kind of shallow acquisitive thoughtless bitch she has become (as only a mother can!)

I am also glad that your friend's DH backed off on the "No further contact" thing with the Mad Sister - she might change later on and it would be a shame if things were irreparably broken by then. OTOH, she might not - and a future "no contact" thing might have to be set up.

While it is ostensibly sad that family fractures occur, I think it's important to think about what type of person is involved and how beneficial contact with them would be - for instance, my BIL is an antisocial alcoholic loser - I am not at all bothered that my DSs won't be having anything to do with him, although I am a little sad that they miss out on having an uncle and any first cousins over here (he's never going to find a partner now, so no children).

Given what sort of person the Mad Sister has shown herself to be, I'd doubt that she'd be any loss, tbh.

Just looked at the old thread and seen that there was a message deleted at the end.... Anybody see it? Why would it get deleted?

Curious!

Waiting to get nails done wahey!

Some goady self-satisfied idiot gleefully claiming she didn't believe it all - rightfully deleted.

I think someone said she didn't believe a word!