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To be incandescent with rage about this email (v long, sorry)

219 replies

Caitycat · 06/06/2013 20:17

I hope I'm not because I am absolutely furious. A bit of background, my parents are Roman Catholic and I was brought up in that tradition, dh's family are C of E although fil was brought up a Methodist in Belfast. Dh and I are very occasional attendees of our village (C of E) church.

Both sets of gps have been on at us since our dd (now 9mo) was born about having her christened. My dps said they thought it would be great for her to be christened in the village church and went out of their way to say that as far as they were concerned all christians were the same and they were not ar all worried whether she was Catholic or not. Fil sent dh a series of emails emphasising how important it was for her to be christened into the "family religion" I.e. His (by which he means C of E despite his methodist roots). He mentioned that he knew my mother (why her specifically I'm not sure) would have a problem with it but that shouldn't stop us "doing the right thing".

Dh responded strongly saying the only person with a "problem" was him and quoting my parents' comments. We heard nothing more about it for several months. I mentioned the idea of getting her christened a few times but we are v busy and dh is not sure he wants to so we have agreed to leave it for a while.

Fast forward to today dh receives another email which includes the following; if you decide not to have her baptised I shall want to know what this decision is based on. You have told me there are no issues with (my) parents. I can therefore only assume that (I) has an issue with our family being protestant, a family she willingly married into and whose name she has taken. She presumably us opposed to your children being protestant and that being the case you cannot be surprised thaat I would never accept the religious lineage of my family being changed through children. WTAF

Please tell me IANBU to be incredibly angry at both the email and the attitude it displays towards me.

Thanks if you've read this far I really needed to share!

OP posts:

mirry2 · 06/06/2013 20:20

oh - religion - it gives me such a headache Sad


FobblyWoof · 06/06/2013 20:21


What a twunt your fil is.

Then again, I do feel very strongly about not deciding a child's religion for them. Though if I were you I'd deliberately get her baptised in a catholic church now Grin


tattychicken · 06/06/2013 20:22

What a knob.


Selba · 06/06/2013 20:23

YANBU . But you must not let it get to you or alter whatever plans/ non plans you have for your daughter's christening/ non christening.

Never let someone else draw you into an argument that does not exist.

Is your husband annoyed?

all that stuff about married into, taking the family name , religious lineage of my family, is, frankly, 50 shades of patriarchial shite.

and I am a Christian


BOF · 06/06/2013 20:23

Isn't religion matrilineal? I'm not sure.

If you are hoping to get dc into a Catholic school though, I'd recommend baptism before six months. Entirely up to you, obviously- I didn't bother.


Antisecco · 06/06/2013 20:24

As a committed agnostic secular Jew I have to say I think you're being a bit harsh mirry. It's not the religion that is the headache here, it's the apparently barking FiL.

What a horrible horrible email OP. I do hope DH is going into bat for you (I'm sure you're capable of batting for yourself but clearly FiL would regard this as inadmissible)


Selba · 06/06/2013 20:24

"I shall want to know what this decision is based on "

ANswer " our daughter, our choice"


Selba · 06/06/2013 20:25

yes, agree with ANtisecco, this is not about religion, it's about FIL being a pompous twit


Seabright · 06/06/2013 20:25

Convert to Buddhism. Your pacifism would really wind FIL up


D0GWithAYoni · 06/06/2013 20:25

He sounds like a cock. If I were you I'd convert to Buddhism just to piss the pompous arse right off. That'll learn him.


maddening · 06/06/2013 20:25

get him to reply saying he has gone pagan and would love for to attend her pagan naming ceremony.


Helpyourself · 06/06/2013 20:25

Tell them you don't believe in infant baptism.
Sigh. I'm a Christian but this sort of thing does my head in.


BlackbeltinBS · 06/06/2013 20:26

Wow - just wow. What an idiot. And poor you. Do you have something to kick? What does your DH say?


aamia · 06/06/2013 20:26

It's the whole Irish thing I'd suspect, making him have 'issues' with Catholics.


amistillsexy · 06/06/2013 20:26

I'd be declaring myself Buddist or something!

It's so hard, but it really sounds as if you're better staying out of it. Your DH sounds like he is dealing well with his dad.

You don't have to get dd Christened at all, if you don't want to, or if you do, make it your decision. Both sets of GPs have had their chance with their own kids. It's your turn now.


D0GWithAYoni · 06/06/2013 20:26

You do know that "fuck off and mind your own business" would be a perfectly reasonable reply don't you?!


Jengnr · 06/06/2013 20:27

What a knob.

Tell him it's none of his beeswax.


HollyBerryBush · 06/06/2013 20:27

That would make me go dipshit.

Out of curiosity - in which church did you get married?

Dm was catholic, DF tabernacle, married in the RC faith - only on the proviso any children were RC. Can't say any of us are actually church goers.

But I would say, if you married in church, then broadly children would be christened in that faith.

FWIW - and I accept all people have the right to follow faith of their choosing, your ILs are a generation removed - they had their say over DHs - this is down to you and DH to choose, if indeed you can be bothered with all the emotional blackmail

tongue in cheek< I suppose you could do what people do when they get married - pick the prettiest church for the photo opportunity Grin


BlackbeltinBS · 06/06/2013 20:27

There's a hell of a lot of assuming and presuming going on!

Time to make up your own religion and insist that if he doesn't convert, you'll want to know the reason why.


CloudsAndTrees · 06/06/2013 20:28

Has your DH replied?


Smartiepants79 · 06/06/2013 20:30

He clearly feels VERY strongly about this.
He has handled it very badly. It is rude and interfering. I'm not sure he has thought through the consequences of what he has said.
Your DH needs to talk to them and make it clear that it is actually him that is unsure of what he wants to do.
Then he needs to be told that you will make a decision when you are good and ready. And if he's lucky he might be invited!


MrsOakenshield · 06/06/2013 20:30

he sounds very sectarian - is he?


Ginderella · 06/06/2013 20:31

FIL is being a Twunt. Your DD, your decision.

I didn't get my DS baptised - religion is not for me as I had it rammed down my throat by my DM for years.

My DM obviously didn't agree with my decision. During one visit, we were in the kitchen and I was washing the dishes at the sink and DM was rocking DS in her arms. Out of the blue, she put her finger in the dishwater, made a sign of the cross on DS forehead and said that he was now part of the Church and if he died he would now go to heaven as he had been christened!!

Good luck with FIL, OP.


LunaticFringe · 06/06/2013 20:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

EggsMichelle · 06/06/2013 20:31

Bloody religion! Both DH and I have be Christened Protestant and we both feel strongly again the beliefs of the church. For that reason we are having a Humanist naming ceremony (we joked about a Wiccan goats head/ prance naked in the woods event but I'm still too flabby from the birth!) Only one GGP has protested and pulled cats arsed lips to the idea of no religion, everyone else loves the idea.

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