To be incandescent with rage about this email (v long, sorry)

[Caitycat]

I hope I'm not because I am absolutely furious. A bit of background, my parents are Roman Catholic and I was brought up in that tradition, dh's family are C of E although fil was brought up a Methodist in Belfast. Dh and I are very occasional attendees of our village (C of E) church.

Both sets of gps have been on at us since our dd (now 9mo) was born about having her christened. My dps said they thought it would be great for her to be christened in the village church and went out of their way to say that as far as they were concerned all christians were the same and they were not ar all worried whether she was Catholic or not. Fil sent dh a series of emails emphasising how important it was for her to be christened into the "family religion" I.e. His (by which he means C of E despite his methodist roots). He mentioned that he knew my mother (why her specifically I'm not sure) would have a problem with it but that shouldn't stop us "doing the right thing".

Dh responded strongly saying the only person with a "problem" was him and quoting my parents' comments. We heard nothing more about it for several months. I mentioned the idea of getting her christened a few times but we are v busy and dh is not sure he wants to so we have agreed to leave it for a while.

Fast forward to today dh receives another email which includes the following; if you decide not to have her baptised I shall want to know what this decision is based on. You have told me there are no issues with (my) parents. I can therefore only assume that (I) has an issue with our family being protestant, a family she willingly married into and whose name she has taken. She presumably us opposed to your children being protestant and that being the case you cannot be surprised thaat I would never accept the religious lineage of my family being changed through children. WTAF

Please tell me IANBU to be incredibly angry at both the email and the attitude it displays towards me.

Thanks if you've read this far I really needed to share!

caitycat

Sectarianism is sad, wherever it happens. It's good to see that you and your DH won't be perpetuating the cycle with your DD.

I think your dh's email is very classy in response to the authentic musty stench of antiCatholicism. I think if your FIL emails back, it might be best not to email again - either try and mention it face to face or just leave it.

Hallaned be Thy name.

Religion breeds intolerance. Sad but true.

but baptised Christian only

Actually you can be baptised sikh

OP, you do know you can do the baptism yourselves, over the kitchen sink, or in the bath.

You could have a ceremony at home and ask him to perform the baptism, see how he reacts to that.

Sorry OP, this is not personal (believe me, you feel it is, but it's not) it is the way he has been brought up, to believe everything RC is evil.

He probably cannot comprehend that it is your husband delaying the decision, it's a kind of 'does not compute'.

My family consists of a mixture of RC and protestant and the rubbish I heard at my (RC) school you would think protestants had two heads and devil worshiped. And this was in England.

I'd try to say 'er no, they don't, my cousin/uncle/aunt/whoever doesn't'. I don't think I was ever believed.

I do like the idea of finding an obscure church far away.

Or

Find a high church.

I went to one baptism with a friend, and we were puzzled because it looked and felt like an RC church but the parents are not RC.

The church had stations of the cross and statues. The only way we could actually tell was by looking for the Lord's Prayer in the prayer book.

We are atheist and letting our child choose her own spiritual path, if any, but really, that is our business and where your christen your child is yours.

To h**l with the gps! Its your decision no-one else!

i'd go catholic all the way.

Protestants just made up innit

sashh

The email from your FIL sounds like it has an air of authority about it and he obviously feels very strongly about the matter of what religion your child is baptised into. As he was raised methodist, his religion may be one reason for that and as the babies' parents, you and DH are the ones to decide which belief system your baby is baptised into. The ultimate descision lies with yourselves and not your FIL so you may just want to diplomatically remind your FIL of that in the nicest way possible as he is
overstepping his mark there with that email.

You could always ask your FIL where in the bible it says children must be baptised.

Afaik there is no biblical basis for this, but it is a medieval thing as you weren't allowed to be buried in holy ground unless you had been baptised.

Zombie thread!

Allanism - surely you meant

Loving it. And yes, OP, your FIL is batshit and who does he think he is, Henry VIII's reincarnation or something? His "lineage" just Ain't All That (although your child(ren) are obviously very important to you!)

You used to have to promise to bring the children up in the Catholic faith, in order to get permission for a mixed faith marriage. I take it that's no longer the case?

It's only 6 weeks old, tempus. A very young zombie.

I'd have thought your FIL would have got the message when you had a non-religious ceremony. He must be used to your DH's ambivalence by now.

What is he going to be like when she starts growing up, going to school, etc? Is this the start of long-term controlling interference in your parenting, or a weird one-off?

Can't your MIL control the old bugger? Is she cheering him on, or is she cowering embarrassed behind the sofa? She will be desperate to have a good relationship with you, if she's got any sense. Can't you get her to sort him out?

My own view would be to not have any kind of christening, but then I am not a christian so I am biased.

ps be kind to a newbie and tell me what a zombie thread is?

A zombie thread is one that died out a long while ago and someone has seen fit to resurrect it, for some reason.
Usually they're older than just a few weeks though. :)

Yeah, fair enough. I apologise for my premature zombie-calling

Thank you!

I live in NI and I think I shall take my paganism and catholic upbringing and convert to Allanism! OH is a staunch atheist, though, I don't think I could get him to join me :(

It really sounds like it's his Belfast roots coming out to play. It sometimes comes uphere, and it often comes as a surprise because the people in question aren't regular church goers, they are otherwise reasonable human beings, and then suddenly something like this comes and they reveal pretty strong sectarian views. If you accused them of being prejudiced they'd be shocked you could think so.

It's your child and your decision and I hope your DH tells your FIL where to stick it - my OHs family is NI methodist and I'm from a very Catholic part of the world and it's thankfully never been an issue and hopefully won't be once it becomes clear no child of ours will be christened.