To be incandescent with rage about this email (v long, sorry)

[Caitycat]

I hope I'm not because I am absolutely furious. A bit of background, my parents are Roman Catholic and I was brought up in that tradition, dh's family are C of E although fil was brought up a Methodist in Belfast. Dh and I are very occasional attendees of our village (C of E) church.

Both sets of gps have been on at us since our dd (now 9mo) was born about having her christened. My dps said they thought it would be great for her to be christened in the village church and went out of their way to say that as far as they were concerned all christians were the same and they were not ar all worried whether she was Catholic or not. Fil sent dh a series of emails emphasising how important it was for her to be christened into the "family religion" I.e. His (by which he means C of E despite his methodist roots). He mentioned that he knew my mother (why her specifically I'm not sure) would have a problem with it but that shouldn't stop us "doing the right thing".

Dh responded strongly saying the only person with a "problem" was him and quoting my parents' comments. We heard nothing more about it for several months. I mentioned the idea of getting her christened a few times but we are v busy and dh is not sure he wants to so we have agreed to leave it for a while.

Fast forward to today dh receives another email which includes the following; if you decide not to have her baptised I shall want to know what this decision is based on. You have told me there are no issues with (my) parents. I can therefore only assume that (I) has an issue with our family being protestant, a family she willingly married into and whose name she has taken. She presumably us opposed to your children being protestant and that being the case you cannot be surprised thaat I would never accept the religious lineage of my family being changed through children. WTAF

Please tell me IANBU to be incredibly angry at both the email and the attitude it displays towards me.

Thanks if you've read this far I really needed to share!

I've got "ULSTER SAYS NO" shouty Ian Paisley style going through my head right now.

He sounds absolutely mad. You are right to be livid but perhaps you will just have to understand him as from another era - and let him carry on with his 16th century battle in his own head - with you distancing yourself and not getting involved as far as humanly possible. I'm so sorry though - that sounds horrific.

and at Allan.

Tell him you are baptising the child into the church of satan and does he know where you can find a virgin to e sacrificed. That would hit the spot.

Blimey Caiteycat, talk about FIL showing his true colours!

I know exactly where you are coming from though reversed in my situation - I am a Glaswegian protestant who married a Glaswegian catholic. I'm sure you can imagine the fun and games.

Anyway, we had really awful pressure from DH's catholic parents to christen our DD. They told us that if we didn't' she would die and go to limbo, or grow up to be a bad person who did bad things. How lovely for me to hear that, when DD, my first baby, was 4 weeks old! Then we had it all again when DS was born. It's ugly, bullying, superstitious nonsense and we will have nothing to do with it. So the children remain heathens, which suits us just fine :)

YANBU. He's trying to bully you and get his own way.

Rise above it and make your own decisions.

How is your DH going to deal with his father's outrageous behaviour?

Could you let him know that you are planning on adopting DC2. Maybe a little unwanted baby from China (or insert any other country where the babies might not look so, um, Ulster).
Then watch the heart attack brew.

(PS The best thing about baptising your DC as a Catholic is that they can then NEVER EVER marry royalty!)

The references to Allan (lol) reminded me of the late Irish comedian Dave Allen who tended to offend both RC and Protestants. I think a DVD of Dave Allen's best sketches would make a great present for your FIL.

I'd reply in kind, paraphrasing smartiepants words.

Dear FIL

You clearly feel VERY strongly about this. You are being rude and interfering. I doubt that you have properly thought through the consequences of what you have written.

We will make a decision when we are good and ready. And if you are lucky you may be invited; after all, our child, our choice.

You are soooo NBU!

Sorry it's taken me so long to get back, left phone in dd's room and didn't want to disturb her. I agree he is a bigot and his attitude has irritated me time and time again but (so far) I have always been polite!

In answer to some questions: we got married in a civil ceremony as neither of us felt strongly enough to so in church and we knew there was a chance of upsetting someone (although I had no idea how bad it could get!) We sometimes attend our village church but have no strong affiliation. As others have said, the whole lineage thing is particularly weird and makesme want to make her Catholic just to spite him! I think we will just have a big family 1st b'day party so people can get together and not bother with Christening at least for a while - although Allanism sounds like fun too...

PS DH has replied saying he finds his assumptions extraordinary ( I would have preferred offensive) and that it's the conflicts that religion causes that are making him think twice about whether we want a Christening. It's v measured and polite although I would be sending something much blunter I want to that out of it so it is clear that he is the only hysterical idiot!

Brilliant email from your DH "the conflicts that religion causes that are making him think twice" is an excellent phrase.

Hope FiL stops being such a dick. Praise Allan.

My advice is to have a naming ceremony lol that's a humanist one n say that you will let DC choose her religion if n when she wants to ! Up yours FIL he sounds like an arsehole

What does you DH think x

People practising Allanism should have a pilgrimage each year to Bridge of Allan (near Stirling) for lots of gin a meet!

Good for your DH's reply, I was worried he was the type to put up with parental madness.

I would have the RAGE too. Definitely.

In an ideal world, I/DH would just answer "We will not be discussing this further with you." and re-use that phrase in answer to every email/text/conversational mention of the matter for ever more. Just refuse to discuss it.

Your fils attitude is the least Christian way to behave.

I think your Dh's reply is the way to go tbh, any christening will cause conflict in the family so you have decided to forgo the event until your DD is old enough to make her own choice. It'll still piss them off but it sounds like any choice you make is going to upset someone!
YANBU, we're getting pressure from certain family members to have DD2 christened at the moment, but as she has been born to a Pagan (me) and an Atheist (DH) it creates a bit of a problem...

That's religion for you "my brand of sky fairy is better than your very similar but slightly different brand of sky fairy" nonsense.

Good reply.

I think the attraction of Allan is growing. May I suggest that Mondays would be a good holy day.

It appears I may have accidentally started a cult. :o

Monday sabbath is a great idea Justfor

Based on OP not thread...YA ALL BU.

Let your child decide for themselves whether they want to be religious or not.

Your fil is being no less illogical and silly than you if you're planning any sort of christening.

My sister once tried to wind my anglican grandma up by telling her she was dating a Muslim. 2 hours later she emerged from grandmas room, where she had been locked in with my crazy grandma and the bible, looking completely worn out.
There is no reasoning with such people. Do your own thing and don't even discuss it with him.

I'd be tempted to not even engage with FIL's foaming- at- the- mouth email tirades. Just ignore. It'll annoy the hell out of him. When you email him, just discuss practical matters and family pleasantries, and don't even mention religious matters. If he brings it up, just say that you've read his comments.