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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be incandescent with rage about this email (v long, sorry)

219 replies

Caitycat · 06/06/2013 20:17

I hope I'm not because I am absolutely furious. A bit of background, my parents are Roman Catholic and I was brought up in that tradition, dh's family are C of E although fil was brought up a Methodist in Belfast. Dh and I are very occasional attendees of our village (C of E) church.

Both sets of gps have been on at us since our dd (now 9mo) was born about having her christened. My dps said they thought it would be great for her to be christened in the village church and went out of their way to say that as far as they were concerned all christians were the same and they were not ar all worried whether she was Catholic or not. Fil sent dh a series of emails emphasising how important it was for her to be christened into the "family religion" I.e. His (by which he means C of E despite his methodist roots). He mentioned that he knew my mother (why her specifically I'm not sure) would have a problem with it but that shouldn't stop us "doing the right thing".

Dh responded strongly saying the only person with a "problem" was him and quoting my parents' comments. We heard nothing more about it for several months. I mentioned the idea of getting her christened a few times but we are v busy and dh is not sure he wants to so we have agreed to leave it for a while.

Fast forward to today dh receives another email which includes the following; if you decide not to have her baptised I shall want to know what this decision is based on. You have told me there are no issues with (my) parents. I can therefore only assume that (I) has an issue with our family being protestant, a family she willingly married into and whose name she has taken. She presumably us opposed to your children being protestant and that being the case you cannot be surprised thaat I would never accept the religious lineage of my family being changed through children. WTAF

Please tell me IANBU to be incredibly angry at both the email and the attitude it displays towards me.

Thanks if you've read this far I really needed to share!

OP posts:
kungfupannda · 07/06/2013 14:17

Ooh, I've got some friends from Bridge of Allan. I'm in.

Katiepoes · 07/06/2013 14:18

"I would never accept the religious lineage of my family being changed through children"

Has he been to see the Game Of Thrones exhibition maybe and gotten a bit carried away? I agree with the ignoring option, that sort of medieval arseholery does not deserve a response.

BegoniaBampot · 07/06/2013 14:18

Had similar. My family are all catholic. My niece is getting married and considered a church wedding. Don't think her fiancé is even baptised into the Church of Scotland but consider themselves Protestant. Our side are happy to go with whatever church they decide but his some on his side are making it clear that they do not want a Catholic Church to the point that they wouldn't attend.

Op - tell your FIL to sod off. I would never be able to forget this.

KatieScarlett2833 · 07/06/2013 14:33

I passed through Bridge of Allan today with DD. If only I'd known it was a MN shrine i'd have popped a pic on for the Allanites Grin

sue52 · 07/06/2013 15:57

YANBU.
Tell him you would never accept the religious lives of your children being guided by a bigot. Or tell him to fuck off.

This thread is a reminder to me of the reasons I gave up on religion.

TheDoctrineOfSnatch · 07/06/2013 16:11

Good reply from your DH, OP.

TheDoctrineOfAllan · 07/06/2013 16:15
ImTooHecsyForYourParty · 07/06/2013 16:16

Good reply.

Mine would have been far less polite.

It would certainly have included the fact that the decision was made by the parents of the child and he doesn't get a say so he can piss right off.

Who does he think he is? Bloody nerve of the man.

I notice it's all your fault. Hmm

SplitHeadGirl · 07/06/2013 16:20

I'm a Catholic from NI and I married a Protestant. His dad is VERY sectarian....he was in the police for years and hated Catholics so much he would have nothing Irish in the house. Nothing Irish made, no Irish tv, nothing. DH even as a child saved a Catholic kid from drowning, but couldn't say this in front of his dad as he knew the response would be, 'Why did you save a Catholic'? Confused

Needless to say, DH has NOTHING to do with him. He says he will never see him again, and our children are baptised Catholic. My husband turned out brilliantly, despite his abusive dad.

To the people wondering why religion is so divisive in NI, it actually has more to do with politics than religion...the idea that all Catholics are Republican and all Protestants Loyalist is what really makes people suspicious. NOT the kind of God we believe in.

Damnautocorrect · 07/06/2013 16:21

I think your dh has the right response.
But if you wanted to wind him up
'Ive given your email some thought, and I think your right so we've been looking at Methodist ceremonies"

flummoxedlummox · 07/06/2013 16:23

All you Allanists are going to hell and damnation, the only true god is Alan.

OrmirianResurgam · 07/06/2013 16:23

But I thought you were talking about getting her christened in the CofE church anyway. Isn't that what FIL wanted?

olgaga · 07/06/2013 16:28

I would simply ignore the silly old fool, and not get into any email or even verbal exchanges however tempting it is.

This kind of thing can be dealt with indefinitely by simply saying "We haven't made a decision yet, it's not something I intend to discuss with anyone but DW/DH".

If you make a decision to have a ceremony of whatever description, invite them if you would like them there - it's then up to them to attend or not.

If you don't, you don't.

Either way, don't allow yourself to be pushed into defending your position. It's no-one's business but your own.

Preferthedogtothekids · 07/06/2013 16:37

I firmly believe in Alanna...

MrsBungle · 07/06/2013 16:39

Finally - a religion for me!

My dad's family are Belfast Protestants and very sectarian Angry. My mum is Church of Scotland. They didn't bother christening my brother and me mainly due to dad coming from that background.

I'm glad as I have religion or belief (well, until 5 minutes ago when I joined Alan - do we have a holy book I should read?)

SplitHeadGirl · 07/06/2013 16:42

I firmly believe in Alanna...

GrinGrin

Lol Preferthedog, I like your style!!!

OnTheBottomWithAWomansWeekly · 07/06/2013 16:59

Dave Allen used to have a lovely signoff at the end of his show, I remember from the 70's (showing age here) - "Goodnight, and may your God go with you", I thought it was lovely as a child.

Oh, and just to show how localised the Catholic/Protestant divide was at that time (I was brought up in Republic of Ireland in a Dublin suburb), our Guide troop used to bring the flag up to the altar on the first Sunday of every month (there was always a competition among us as to who got to carry the flag).

I didn't realise for about 2 years of this that we were doing this in the local Church of Ireland church (then for some reason we moved to the Catholic church and the penny dropped). No political/sectarian divide, just most of the parents were Catholic so it made sense that we attended the same Mass as them (the guide leaders got rid of us easier afterwards!)

Apparently the vicar, a very devout man, used to attend Mass in the Catholic church as well as in the CofI church, to get a bit of extra worship in.

OP, your FIL sounds horrendous! Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

SueDoku · 07/06/2013 17:02

Surely you mean Allen...??? These Allan/Alan/Alanna people are mere upstarts...... Grin

Original poster
Caitycat · 07/06/2013 17:05

Ormirian we were but hadn't planned it or discussed it with family so he didn't know. He's shot himself in the foot as we're now not going to for the time being

OP posts:
OrangeFireandGoldashes · 07/06/2013 17:12

Aaaand we have schism in the Church of Allan already. Sigh.

ButtercupsAreFlowers · 07/06/2013 17:13

You have my horrified sympathy, OP. I have a father like this, sad to say. It's bullying, pure and simple, dressed up as devoutness. Some NI men have really appalling attitudes to women - it's just not okay to say (as my parents do) that this is just how things are done there. I live in hope he'll change, but I know he won't.

BunnyLebowski · 07/06/2013 17:21

I'm seriously Hmm at OP's comment "make her catholic" referring to her baby.

That's your daugher, not just some entity upon which to impose your personal brand of delusion.

"There is no such thing as a Christian child: only a child of Christian parents.?

quip · 07/06/2013 17:31

Yanbu. This sort of thing tears families apart though. Perhaps it would be better to be patient with your fil. It would be hard for him with his background to be anything other than sectarian. Perhaps if you do this he will see f

SauceForTheGander · 07/06/2013 17:31

The church of Allan split following a disagreement about 'L

The Alanists and the Allanists have lived in sectarian turmoil ever since both proclaiming to be the only true path to enlightenment.

quip · 07/06/2013 17:32

For himself there is no point to prejudice.

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