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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be incandescent with rage about this email (v long, sorry)

219 replies

Caitycat · 06/06/2013 20:17

I hope I'm not because I am absolutely furious. A bit of background, my parents are Roman Catholic and I was brought up in that tradition, dh's family are C of E although fil was brought up a Methodist in Belfast. Dh and I are very occasional attendees of our village (C of E) church.

Both sets of gps have been on at us since our dd (now 9mo) was born about having her christened. My dps said they thought it would be great for her to be christened in the village church and went out of their way to say that as far as they were concerned all christians were the same and they were not ar all worried whether she was Catholic or not. Fil sent dh a series of emails emphasising how important it was for her to be christened into the "family religion" I.e. His (by which he means C of E despite his methodist roots). He mentioned that he knew my mother (why her specifically I'm not sure) would have a problem with it but that shouldn't stop us "doing the right thing".

Dh responded strongly saying the only person with a "problem" was him and quoting my parents' comments. We heard nothing more about it for several months. I mentioned the idea of getting her christened a few times but we are v busy and dh is not sure he wants to so we have agreed to leave it for a while.

Fast forward to today dh receives another email which includes the following; if you decide not to have her baptised I shall want to know what this decision is based on. You have told me there are no issues with (my) parents. I can therefore only assume that (I) has an issue with our family being protestant, a family she willingly married into and whose name she has taken. She presumably us opposed to your children being protestant and that being the case you cannot be surprised thaat I would never accept the religious lineage of my family being changed through children. WTAF

Please tell me IANBU to be incredibly angry at both the email and the attitude it displays towards me.

Thanks if you've read this far I really needed to share!

OP posts:
SybilRamkin · 06/06/2013 20:32

"I would never accept the religious lineage of my family being changed through children"

FFS, it's not his decision to make. What an arse.

What did your DH say?

NicholasTeakozy · 06/06/2013 20:33

Tell them you're going to bring her up to believe in Allan.

NicholasTeakozy · 06/06/2013 20:33

Fuckity bollocks. Allah Blush

kungfupannda · 06/06/2013 20:34

Ask him what he proposes to do about it, given that he will not "accept" a change of religion for his grandchildren.

It's probably a good job there wasn't email eighty years ago when my Manx Catholic railway labourer grandfather eloped with my grandmother, who was the daughter of an extremely class-conscious C of E vicar, whose father was a converted Baptist minister, and whose in-laws were Congregationalists.

Apparently things were somewhat tense for a while....

kungfupannda · 06/06/2013 20:35

Or Aslan, perhaps, Nicholas?

TheFallenNinja · 06/06/2013 20:35

Who sent that email? The Pope.

Tell em to fuck off.

Ginderella · 06/06/2013 20:35

I quite like the idea of believing in Allan Grin

FairPhyllis · 06/06/2013 20:35

Suspect that the fact he is from NI is playing heavily into this - patriarchal culture and sectarianism. It sounds like it is you he really has a problem with. Did he support your relationship when you first got together? Do you live in NI?

It's none of his business. What does he mean by 'he would never accept the religious lineage being changed'? Is he threatening you? I would laugh in his face.

Antisecco · 06/06/2013 20:35

I think believing in Allan sounds like a great idea Nicholas Grin

sparkle12mar08 · 06/06/2013 20:35

Oh I don't know, NicholasTeakozy, Allan's as good as any other made up spirit in the sky Grin

BlackbeltinBS · 06/06/2013 20:36

Ha ha ha ha ha Nicholas. Yup, I'm pretty sure there's an Allan myself.

FriskyHenderson · 06/06/2013 20:36

All Hail Allan Grin Yeah, tell your nob of a FIL that you have baptised her in the Allan religion.

Hassled · 06/06/2013 20:37

Bloody hell - I'd be a ball of rage and fury at that. You need to become Rastafarians or something. Or baptize her into whatever you decide but never tell him that it's happened.

Charlesroi · 06/06/2013 20:37

Ladies and Gentlemen - the toys have left the pram.

I don't think your FIL gives a toss about your daughter's baptism. It's just all about him being obeyed (and he's pissed off that you're not really biting). I'd refuse to discuss it with him any more, if I were you. If pressed say "we'll let you know if/when it gets organised, and you can come along if you like"

K8Middleton · 06/06/2013 20:38

What kind of person emails their children instead of talking to them?

I suggest you reply via memorandum. Just for kicks.

Memo

From: Caitycat's dh and Caitycat
To: Ian Paisley Caitycat's FIL
Date: Thursday 6th June
----------

Do fuck off with your patronising, offensive, patriarchal shite.

Memo ENDS

Salmotrutta · 06/06/2013 20:38

I believe in Allan.

Top bloke.

auntmargaret · 06/06/2013 20:39

Allan has made me laugh Grin

MamaChubbyLegs · 06/06/2013 20:39

What a nob. You dont have to explain anything to him.

Your child. Baptise her how you like. YOUR family, not his.

It sounds like he's had a problem with your religion all along if he is making assumptions like this.

Personally, I'd tell him to back off and wait for the invite!

Justfornowitwilldo · 06/06/2013 20:39

He sounds like a bigot.

This would make me want to see if I could arrange a baptism at the local cathedral.

Salmotrutta · 06/06/2013 20:40

Poor Dave though - not many people believe in him Sad

amicissimma · 06/06/2013 20:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MamaChubbyLegs · 06/06/2013 20:41

Oh ps. YADEFINITELYNBU Angry

hippoherostandinghere · 06/06/2013 20:41

His email doesn't surprise me to be honest. It angers me but sadly I'm not suprised. You say he's a Belfast Protestant, religion is routed deeply in people's minds here. He's worried your going to baptise her in a Catholic Church, making her catholic. Sadly this is why NI is still in the state it is today, deep rooted sectarianism.

Ruralninja · 06/06/2013 20:41

I would want to know right back, why he thinks he is owed any kind of explanation. It is patriarchal, overbearing, rude, aggressive, alienating and thoroughly misguided. I hope you DH is furious on your behalf. Whatever you decide, carrying on the conversation by email is a terrible idea - late night emails after a nightcap (on either side) tend to make people say things they never would face to face.

Boomba · 06/06/2013 20:41

I would never accept the religious lineage of my family being changed through children

Reee...HEEAAAALL..lllyy?? Confused

HOW will he not accept it??

i would send back an email that read ....'FUCK OFF'