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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Mixed seating at weddings WHY??

253 replies

PicassosSausage · 22/03/2013 14:57

Was recently at a wedding where DH and I were split up, at the same table, but with various random cousins and friends of the bride and groom between us. Am I being a miserable old wench for not liking this at all? The people between us were complete strangers and, although we are both pretty outgoing, I really loathe the whole forced small talk thing. I'm sure bride and groom were hoping we'd all mix and get along - which of course we did - but I don't go to weddings to make new friends, sorry I don't I go for the free booze

Our friendship group was scattered across the room and husbands and wives similarly split up on tables

I know it's their wedding day but AIBU to think this is just annoying and a bit...I dunno...stupid

OP posts:

RafflesWay · 23/03/2013 12:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ratata · 23/03/2013 12:46

Do the bride and groom sit split apart too? Only fair!

Sallystyle · 23/03/2013 12:50

Thank god the weddings I get invited to usually have a buffet, DJ and a lot of drink and we sit wherever we want.

FairPhyllis · 23/03/2013 13:21

I would make an exception for people who I knew had severe social difficulties or phobia, and would only seat them in a place I knew they would be comfortable. Similarly I wouldn't split up parents and young children - I would put them together so no one parent gets stuck doing all the work.

But I am genuinely baffled at how some of the 'urgh, strangers' people on here - for whom it seems to be a preference rather than an anxiety issue - manage to function in life. Do you break out in a rash if you meet a stranger through work that you have to entertain and make polite conversation with? Do you never make new friends? Being able to be polite and kind to a stranger for a short time seems a pretty basic social skill to me.

I am at people saying they would walk out if they were not seated next to their DH - I just didn't think that level of childish self-absorption could exist. How rude, when you are somebody else's guest.

Pandemoniaa · 23/03/2013 13:34

I'm not particularly fussed about being separated from DP and can't imagine a situation where I'd walk out of a reception where this occurred. But then I don't want to be joined to anyone else's hip.

However, I still think that it makes for a more enjoyable time if you know some of the people at your table rather than everyone being separated purely on the basis that they need to network with other guests. If they want to mingle then they can. But don't enforce it.

Pobblewhohasnotoes · 23/03/2013 13:35

Why would you force social situations?

I like to see my friends at weddings, catch up with people I haven't seen for a while. I don't want to make small talk with people I don't know.

Stop trying to make all your friends be friends with each other.

nkf · 23/03/2013 13:56

Good reading for wedding planners I would have thought.

TheRealFellatio · 23/03/2013 14:00

Raffles no-one is suggesting they sit on separate tables, merely a space or two apart on a round table, of perhaps 8 people.

Helpexcel · 23/03/2013 14:16

When oldest dd was 5 months old dh and I were invited to a wedding with no children allowed and it required an overnight stay. I made (in hindsight the wrong decision) to leave dd with my mum and dh and I went to the wedding. We were sat on a long table with me at one end and dh at the other (fortunately for him he was sat near a couple we knew.
I had been sat next to a toddler in the ceremony so wasn't very happy anyway.
Then I sat down, not knowing anyone and I was at next to a mad scientist. (Apologies to any reading) this was the straw that broke the camels back and after the starters I moved the length of the table to sit with dh and our friends.

In contrast last year dh and I attended a wedding and although we were sat on the same table we were not next to each other. The men got up and moved round after every course. Dh ended up next to me for the speeches. Was quite nice and different. I wondered how they actually managed the logistics of that with over 150 people there.

ImTooHecsyForYourParty · 23/03/2013 16:43

I've never been to a posh wedding. How big are these tables that you can't consider yourself still in the company of your partner if they're 2 seats away from you or directly opposite you?

kerala · 23/03/2013 18:58

Also mixing it up can go very wrong. My poor friend was harangued by some old guy she had been placed next to for the crime of being a solicitor "how can you sleep at night" etc spoilt the wedding for her.

I had a charming man who couldn't get his head round the fact that I was a SAHM and went on and on about it - so rude no way would I ever comment on anyone elses life choices but somehow I was fair game because I wasn't racing back to work I was pregnant and had a toddler at the time.

FryOneFatManic · 23/03/2013 19:47

I would want to be on the same table as DP at least. If he was best man, I would expect the seating plan to be fair and put me with at least one person I know. I can get on with most people and accept some people could have trouble in socialising with people they don't know.

The most memorable wedding I remember had no seating plan. The bride's mother spent a lot of time telling my mum that her choice of name for my brother was terrible and the food was disgusting. Groom was son of dad's brother and thankfully we never had to see them again.

HollaAtMeBaby · 23/03/2013 20:07

YABU and pathetic

Maybe the B&G were thinking of their single guests, who would otherwise be sticking out like a sore thumb on a table full of smug couples?

Sparklingbrook · 23/03/2013 20:08

The Bride and Groom should put 'plus one' on the invitations. Who wants to go to a wedding on their own anyway?

Binkybix · 23/03/2013 20:32

The plus one question is a whole new can of worms!!

Sparklingbrook · 23/03/2013 20:36

Oh no Binky is it? I know the wedding threads can get a bit heated, are plus ones a no-no?

ifancyashandy · 23/03/2013 20:37

I want to go to my friends wedding. I happen to be single. Does that make me weird . Should I RSVP 'No' because 'who wants to go to a wedding on their own anyway' ?

I accept they are paying a lot of money to celebrate their marriage (and it could be a small or large wedding - cost is relative). I accept they don't want someone (my supposed '+1') they don't know at their day.

I've never felt stigmatised as a person who happens to be single.

Till this thread....

thebody · 23/03/2013 20:40

It sounds very rude to me. Surely the first rule of inviting people and acting as a charming host is making your guests feel relaxed and welcome.

Some people are very strange.

Sparklingbrook · 23/03/2013 20:42

I should rephrase it as I wouldn't want to go to a wedding on my own fancy. No intention of upsetting single people, and didn't realise a 'plus one' wasn't the norm. Sorry.

Binkybix · 23/03/2013 20:43

Just in that a lot of people don't do them anymore (as in a plus one of the guest's choice), and other feel strongly that they should.

Binkybix · 23/03/2013 20:43

*others

Sparklingbrook · 23/03/2013 20:45

Mmm. I suppose there is the point that the B&G wouldn't want a stranger at their wedding. But at big weddings I doubt the Groom knows all the Bride's guests and vice versa. Don't know, i must be a bit out of date.

Binkybix · 23/03/2013 20:46

I think it's more about having enough space/money more than not wanting a stranger there.

ifancyashandy · 23/03/2013 21:15

Gracious apology Sparkling, thanks. And what Binky said in her/his last post.

Sparklingbrook · 23/03/2013 21:19

I think weddings are different now maybe. I am sat here trying to think when I last went to one it is over ten years ago I think. Next ones will probably be DSs, in another ten plus.

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