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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Mixed seating at weddings WHY??

253 replies

PicassosSausage · 22/03/2013 14:57

Was recently at a wedding where DH and I were split up, at the same table, but with various random cousins and friends of the bride and groom between us. Am I being a miserable old wench for not liking this at all? The people between us were complete strangers and, although we are both pretty outgoing, I really loathe the whole forced small talk thing. I'm sure bride and groom were hoping we'd all mix and get along - which of course we did - but I don't go to weddings to make new friends, sorry I don't I go for the free booze

Our friendship group was scattered across the room and husbands and wives similarly split up on tables

I know it's their wedding day but AIBU to think this is just annoying and a bit...I dunno...stupid

OP posts:

RafflesWay · 23/03/2013 08:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Abra1d · 23/03/2013 08:29

It is etiquette to split couples within tables. So you're on the same table as your OH, but not next to them. The idea is to talk to new people. Not be boring old couples. :)

CharlotteBronteSaurus · 23/03/2013 08:34

i don't mind being split up from DH, but i am always a bit pissed off if there are lots of friends/family whom I haven't seen for ages all placed on other tables for the sake of enforced mingling, and I have to make small talk with an unknown bridesmaid's auntie and other assorted strangers, when I could be having a good catch up.

Abra1d · 23/03/2013 08:37

I quite like the idea of getting people to move place for the last course.

JugglingFromHereToThere · 23/03/2013 08:39

That's exactly what I mean about moderation in the seating planning being called for Charlotte - we don't want to spend the whole day meeting new people that we will probably never see again, and missing out on a rare opportunity to catch up with family and friends we haven't seen for a while.

Abra1d · 23/03/2013 08:49

And just one other point--being shy is not a get out of jail free card. Many, many people are shy but many have worked very hard to get over themselves in public situations. It's called being a grown-up. My husband is very reserved but will always chat to strangers at a function, especially if they are elderly or ill in or in some way vulnerable because he was brought up to know that this is the kind and polite thing to do.

Sparklingbrook · 23/03/2013 08:54

But some shy people find it incredibly hard and stressful to sit with strangers, trying to find things to say etc. Also some people struggle to eat in front of strangers. Some people find weddings incredibly stressful in all aspects.

Binkybix · 23/03/2013 08:56

I don't mind being split up from DH. My ideal would be a mix up of some people I know already and some that I don't, but honestly, would take it as it comes. I do remember once being at a table where I knew no one (DH at top table), everyone else in couples, and only one tiny glass of wine per head! That wasn't ideal, but I survived.

The only thing I wouldn't like is being kept apart if all the rest of my close group of friends were together.

I really don't like it without a seating plan...not sure why. Also think it a bit 'me, me, me' to move around seating plan for the sake of a coulple of hours.

ifancyashandy · 23/03/2013 08:57

Egusta can't copy and paste as on iPad and can't work it out but there are a number of posters towards the start of this thread saying words to the effect of "Urrggh, why do I have to sit and talk to people I don't know? Urrggh, forced small talk about what you do for a living... I just want to talk to the friends and family I know.... I choose to socialise with my DH.... I hate forced mingling"

Sounds to me like these type of posters are not going to actively try and talk to 'others' at a wedding...

Binkybix · 23/03/2013 08:58

Ps I also used to be very shy. Have worked hard at it, but sometimes it comes back and I literally am tongue tied.

Abra1d · 23/03/2013 09:10

Me too, Binkybix. I had to work hard, and, to a certain degree, get over myself (not saying you had to do the latter, btw!).

Inertia · 23/03/2013 09:27

When I read about wedding guests being separated from their partners at weddings because it is traditional or good for singletons or helpful for the b&g who need babysitters for awkward guests, I always wonder whether these rules also apply to the bride and groom. How many brides sit on a table next to their DH's grumpy great-uncle? How many grooms sit themselves with the bride's work colleague that knows nobody else ? No, this enforced mingling is just to be inflicted on others.

Weddings are one of the few opportunities for groups of family or friends to get together at the same time. Why do some brides and grooms think they'd prefer to be part of their social engineering experiments rather than catching up with old friends ?

Lack of a seating plan is the worst option of all though.

Sparklingbrook · 23/03/2013 09:29

Yes Inertia maybe the Bride and Groom could sit on separate tables. It's only for 2 hours after all, if they can't be separated for that long their marriage doesn't stand a chance.

MidniteScribbler · 23/03/2013 09:32

My ex seemed to constantly be best man for people, so consequently I went to a lot of weddings where I was split up from him because he was on the top table. Whilst I can cope with that if the B&G are considerate enough to put me with at least one person on my table that I know, I did have two particularly memorable (for the wrong reasons) events.

The first one I was stuck on a table of the brides elderly overseas relatives. Who only spoke Polish. I do not. I made good a good dent in the wishing well proceeds on that one by drinking my body weight in alcohol.

The second one they decided that since I was a school teacher, I would enjoy being stuck on the kids table with just myself and 9 kids ranging from 3 to 10. Oh yes, because when I spend all week teaching, what I really want to do on my saturday night is play babysitter whilst their parents get sloshed. Especially when one of the parents came over and told me that I shouldn't be drinking in front of the children because it set a bad example (before weaving their way back to their own table and their own drink). I promptly ignored that one until the bride came over and said that her guest had complained because I wouldn't stop drinking in front of the children. I walked out and went home at that point.

Sparklingbrook · 23/03/2013 09:34

Midnite I had forgotten about the best man's partner being completely left out. And the bridesmaids other halves presumably.

We didn't have a best man or bridesmaids.

motherinferior · 23/03/2013 09:36

I can talk to DP any time, should I feel the urge. Over the past 13 years we have managed numerous conversations. Let off the leash, I'd rather love to talk to someone new . I don't get out much.

Sparklingbrook · 23/03/2013 09:38

mother, depends on what the 'someone new' person is like though.

YouBrokeMySmoulder · 23/03/2013 09:40

I dont mind being split and this has happened half the time, when we are sans dc, with them then we dont get split. I dont mind it as long as its the same table its not as if you were just going to sit there and talk to eachother anyway as that would be incredibly rude.

I actually find it a turn on to be able to watch dh talking and being charming. I might be weird though.

motherinferior · 23/03/2013 09:55

DP is a grumpy antisocial bugger and I quite enjoy watching him having to be sociable while I flirt decorously with strangers

Lollydaydream · 23/03/2013 10:24

Wow; having read this thread I'm coming to the conclusion that when I'm struggling to make small talk with someone a this kind of event and feel like they are not interested and are looking for someone else to talk to it's because that's exactly what they are doing. On the one hand maybe this means I'm not quite as bad at chit chat as I thought; on the other hand thinking this will increase my feelings of shyness and this thoughts that it us pointless to try.

Thank you to all of those who make an effort to engage with other people and put us at our ease. It is such a confidence boost. It is so hard to talk to people who aren't interested and can't be bothered to hide it; that could turn me into a recluse.

JugglingFromHereToThere · 23/03/2013 10:42

HaHa motherinferior, I feel rather the same. I've been with my DH 25 years and we've had several good conversations !

PiHigh · 23/03/2013 10:56

Midnite, that's awful.

Our best man was single so we didn't have to worry about finding a suitable place for a dp to sit.

KansasCityOctopus · 23/03/2013 11:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RichManPoorManBeggarmanThief · 23/03/2013 11:20

I have sat next to some really interesting randoms at weddings, including the head curator of a famous art museum, a mercenary, the guy who provided the material for Air Babylon, a jump jockey and an old guy who spent his life in "The Sudan" as it was then known. Yeah, I've had the odd person who's been hard work, but that's life, and it's only a few hours. My preferred seating plan is same table but not next to DH, and a mixture of people I know and people I don't.

motherinferior · 23/03/2013 11:43

Given the divorce statistics, presumably one in three married couples will be absolutely dreading the prospect of having to sit next to each other anyway

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