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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this baby shower invitation is grabby as fuck?

221 replies

ENormaSnob · 13/02/2013 20:26

Friend is having dc4.

Invited to baby shower, nice cafe type place, £10pp payable on the day.

Friend doesn't want presents and instead has asked everyone to contribute towards one big item.

The only saving grace is she hasn't done it in poem format.

Am not going.

Aibu to think this is just cheeky and grabby?

Friend has no connection to any culture or country where this is the norm.

OP posts:
theindecisive · 13/02/2013 20:28

Really hate the whole baby shower culture. Then, a few weeks later you have to get a present for the newborn too.
So grabby.

youmeatsix · 13/02/2013 20:28

baby showers are the epitome of tackiness anyway, it just varies in degrees of

grobagsforever · 13/02/2013 20:28

Bloody hell the cheek of some people! A shower for DC4!!!! A payable place? YANBU.

MaryMotherOfCheeses · 13/02/2013 20:30

I'm confused by paying to go to a baby shower. Is that supposed to cover refreshments in the cafe?

Apart from that, suggesting friends contribute towards one big present makes sense when you've got 3 dc already. Presumably she's got all the usual gubbins but knows that people will be kind enough to buy something.

You don't have to contribute. I'd hardly call it "grabby as fuck".

deleted203 · 13/02/2013 20:30

I've never been invited to a baby shower. (Thank God). I thought they were purely American things. Perhaps they don't do them oop North.

AnyaKnowIt · 13/02/2013 20:30

Grabby!

I was invited to a baby shower with included a john lewis gift list

tryhardrep · 13/02/2013 20:32

a john lewis gift list?! you are kidding! I think they're awful, baby showers I mean. Never been invited to one in the UK. And surely, at DC4, you'd have more or less everything you could possibly need/want!

LeaveTheBastid · 13/02/2013 20:32

So no gifts, just a tenner at the door?

Doesn't sound that cheeky tbh, if I had to go I'd be chuffed at not having to buy baby tat and helping her buy something major. Seems the sensible thing to do. But a lot of people have problems with being asked for money rather than gifts that they don't even really need Confused I often do this on birthdays... Give people money rather than a gift they don't really want/need.

But then I think that the whole baby shower thing is just one big opportunity to get a load of presses anyway so are grabby regardless of any gift requests.

gordyslovesheep · 13/02/2013 20:32

shitting hell that's cheeky

I had a baby shower with dd3 - my friends did it - it was a suprise - it was lovely but I would never arrange my own and expect people to pay to attend!

Ivehadbetterdays · 13/02/2013 20:33

Wtf? I REALLY don't 'get' baby showers at all. Why do these people think that because they are pregnant, everyone has to shower them in gifts? Cheeky as hell.
Different if someone organises a surprise one, but arranging it yourself? Hmm

sooperdooper · 13/02/2013 20:33

I always thought the idea of a baby shower was that other people threw one for you, if they wanted to - organsing it yourself, asking people to pay and asking for a gift is tacky imo

JamieandtheMagicTorch · 13/02/2013 20:33

Wtf?

Aaargh, showers, proms, aaargh

That is my reasoned response.

And surely, with 4 Dcs she has most stuff.mgarbby, grabby, grabby.

MaryMotherOfCheeses · 13/02/2013 20:34

So the tenner at the door is for her??

I think I'd be busy that day.

BambieO · 13/02/2013 20:34

Agree, it's for others to throw for you if they choose and any gifts should be a choice from the giver if they choose to give at all

JamieandtheMagicTorch · 13/02/2013 20:35

I'm not that comfortable about giving gifts before a baby is born, anyway.

Sadly have known a couple of people who have lost babies at term

Lizzylou · 13/02/2013 20:36

Bloody hell! Don't wonder that you are not going.
Totally ridiculous and yes, grabby. Grabbier than the usual baby shower, which is tacky enough.

JohnSnowsTie · 13/02/2013 20:36

So do people really expect another present around the time of the birth? I would have thought the baby shower present would have been instead of...

vamosbebe · 13/02/2013 20:37

Our babyshower was a small - free - party at our house for our friends, including men as it was the last time everyone could see us before DS arrived. It was also Hallowe'en and I'd made an Alien costume there were no gifts, no grabby poem, no list-of-shit at X shop. It was great fun.

coraltoes · 13/02/2013 20:37

Etiquette question: when invited and equiv of bmaid at hen do says "mum to be doesn't expect gifts unless you insist" does that mean what it says on the tin, or am I expected to take a gift and will be only one without?!

I fucking hate baby showers

Lizzylou · 13/02/2013 20:37

Jamie, I had the same thought about timing etc.
And also Proms.

I couldn't get a hairdresser appointment because they were booked up doing practice runs for 16yr olds attending their Prom the next week.

Worlds gone mad.

I am old.

apostropheuse · 13/02/2013 20:38

It's grabby, tacky and presumptious.

In fact it's probably even worse than gift lists for weddings, or asking for money.

scaevola · 13/02/2013 20:39

I would see this as odd, because of the ways in which it departs from the traditiona approach.

Firstly, you don't have a shower for any child than DC1. The shower of gifts is to mark the passage not motherhood, and give items for which you had no need before children. If you want to celebrate having more children, then you have a party not a shower.

Secondly, asking guests to pay their own way can be misinterpreted, though if all chipping in is the norm for you, it's OK as long as the costs are proportionate.

Thirdly, directly asking for cash is always tacky. The hostess (who should not be the honouree) can co-ordinate shower gifts (pretty sensible, really), but hat shouldn't arrive with the invitations.

expatinscotland · 13/02/2013 20:41

Even in countries/cultures where it's the norm, it's not done except for a first baby. Certainly not for a 4th!

I wouldn't go, either. V. grabby.

stifnstav · 13/02/2013 20:42

I had a sort of baby shower but without the shower! My sister invited about 16 of my female friends/family for a pub lunch and sister paid for everyone's grub.

Some people brought presents but they certainly weren't asked for! It was an opportunity to get a date fixed to SEE people, which is hard enough when you have a baby-related deadline looming, but its not an opportunity to get your mates to furnish a nursery or anything

That'd be weird.

SirBoobAlot · 13/02/2013 20:43

Fuck that.