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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this baby shower invitation is grabby as fuck?

221 replies

ENormaSnob · 13/02/2013 20:26

Friend is having dc4.

Invited to baby shower, nice cafe type place, £10pp payable on the day.

Friend doesn't want presents and instead has asked everyone to contribute towards one big item.

The only saving grace is she hasn't done it in poem format.

Am not going.

Aibu to think this is just cheeky and grabby?

Friend has no connection to any culture or country where this is the norm.

OP posts:
bemybebe · 15/02/2013 10:55

You sound miserable OP.

Pigsmummy · 15/02/2013 11:14

I think that if you are holding your own baby shower then you are missing the point anyhow? Surely it's something that someone else does for you? Otherwise you might as well just ask people for money?

Fillyjonk75 · 15/02/2013 11:20

I find a lot of the comments flippant, flogging.

As if everyone having a baby shower is a grasping airhead, incapable of reason. Though I find organising your own and charging for it very bad form indeed.

Original poster
ENormaSnob · 15/02/2013 11:20

I am a completely miserable old hag bemy.

Especially when a friend charges attendance to a 'party' then requests cash on top for a gift. Even more so when I am due at the same time and we had agreed card only.

Funnily enough, I am usually the life and soul and will celebrate anything. Inc a birthday next week despite being 8 months pregnant.

I just don't appreciate being used as a cash cow.

OP posts:
Fairydogmother · 15/02/2013 11:27

I def wouldn't like any of my friends asking for cash like that. I've asked my friend what she would like and if she'd requested something in particular then that's what I'd buy her since I want her to have something useful! But demanding all that is a bit ridiculous IMO

HerbyVore · 15/02/2013 11:33

I'm sure you're not a miserable old hag!

I would be miffed too - especially as you've agreed between yourselves not to do presents, and it's her 4th child.

Is it a specific 'big item' she's after? - What on earth could she possibly need that's big and expensive for a fourth child?

I think saying 'please don't buy me anything but if you want to contribute something then vouchers would be lovely' would be better.

bemybebe · 15/02/2013 11:42

You are a miserable old hag! Otherwise you would shrug the whole thing off if you don't like it. But then MN is full of passive aggressive types.

HerbyVore · 15/02/2013 11:44

bemybebe

What you have said there in your post makes you sound like a knob.

Original poster
ENormaSnob · 15/02/2013 11:45

Yes it's a specific large electrical item. Needed to replace the older non electric model she has.

Just to clarify, this is also my dc4 so I just cannot comprehend how she thinks this is in anyway reasonable to use her friends this way. A nice get together with the females, enjoying each others company I would completely go along with.

I will also be buying the large item she is asking everyone to chip into. Only im working an extra shift to pay for mine.

OP posts:
Floggingmolly · 15/02/2013 11:47

Did you organise your own baby shower and ask for money as well, bemy?
If so, I can understand you thinking the op is miserable (even though she's not).

Original poster
ENormaSnob · 15/02/2013 11:47

If no one posted about what's pissing them off mn would be empty.

I am far far from passive aggressive. Presuming that would be attending then bitching afterwards.

I am not going at all and have no qualms in explaining why.

OP posts:
ScrambledSmegs · 15/02/2013 11:54

Babies don't like showers. Water gets in their face and they scream like anything. Baths are better.

bemybebe · 15/02/2013 12:06

No, I didn't. My first baby was born perm at 24 weeks and died 3 weeks later abroad, with my second I was scared shitless of anything going wrong. But I know that baby showers are not ok for the vast majority of people especially if we are talking about the third dc (or is it second??). That said, in my case only close friends will be invited if I am lucky enough, those who are happy to celebrate good times and not judge. As for presents I never ask and even slightly embarrassed to receive them as I have everything I can possibly want.

HerbyVore · 15/02/2013 12:10

bemybebe

look up what 'passive aggressive' means.

seriously.

Catsdontcare · 15/02/2013 12:14

I've been to one baby shower (although it was 15 years ago and definitely not called a baby shower) it was just five of us and we invited our pregnant friend out for a meal and surprised her with a new car seat and a few bits of clothing for the baby (her 3rd) she had no idea we were going to do it and was incredibly touched.

I think organising your own do and asking for money is awful no matter how practical you think you are being.

bemybebe · 15/02/2013 12:20

herby you are right - it is not "passive-aggressive". but it is storm in a tea cup

Original poster
ENormaSnob · 15/02/2013 12:25

A lot of things on here are a storm in a teacup.

Didn't stop you multiple posting and insulting me though did it...

OP posts:
bemybebe · 15/02/2013 12:28

i think baby showers are great. and why not to organise your own?? when people were "popping in" for 30mins when I was desperate for these 30mins of sleep I had very hard time saying "no" for the n-th time to very well-meaning friends, colleagues and neighbours.

as for presents - courses for horses. i personally would find it difficult to ask for money. a friend of mine has asked for donations to a romanian orphanage he patronises (financially and by going annually for a 2 week as a volunteer). is this ok? i would give to him with as much pleasure as to a friend who needs helping hand to fund something special. no prob.

bemybebe · 15/02/2013 12:29

ENorma- i am sorry, i did not mean to insult.

millie0210 · 15/02/2013 13:33

Just another expense really.

specialsubject · 15/02/2013 14:20

YES, it is very cheeky and grabby. Someone having a fourth child clearly isn't short of cash and won't need anything new, just re-use what the other three had.

and I agree that you buy baby presents AFTER the baby is born. Nothing to do with the idiotic concept of luck, simply that if something awful happens the parents will not want to be getting rid of things.

AmberSocks · 15/02/2013 14:24

ive never had a baby shower but i think they sound like fun!Any excuse for a party,and i dont get why everyone is so anti presents?.we all like presents surely?i enjoy buying people presents,espescially baby stuff i thought everyone likes buying baby stuff.

Original poster
ENormaSnob · 15/02/2013 14:51

Then you'd be disappointed by this one amber.

She has specifically said no gifts, monetary contributions only.

That's after you've paid your tenner entrance fee to the 'party'

OP posts:
smellysocksandchickenpox · 15/02/2013 17:52

"YES, it is very cheeky and grabby. Someone having a fourth child clearly isn't short of cash and won't need anything new, just re-use what the other three had"

but 4th baby doesnt mean 4th shower, she might never have had one and this time decided not to wait for a friend to offer

and 4ths arent always planned, they often come along after all the baby stuff has been given away/sold

happynappies · 15/02/2013 21:34

I've never had a baby shower either, and have 4 dc. I find the whole notion of a baby shower grabby and presumptuous. Far prefer to wait until the baby has arrived, and choose thoughtful presents accordingly. People have never asked me if there was anything I wanted for mine - by the 4th a lot of things have worn out and need replacing, so in a way if people did want to give vouchers/money it would be welcomed, but I would never ask. If I was having my first perhaps it would have been nice if one of my friends had organised an afternoon out, or a nice meal or something, just an opportunity to get together with girl friends, and spend some quality time before 'life changes forever'. Certainly not about getting presents etc though. By the time it comes to your fourth I found that nobody bats an eyelid - nobody thinks you are actually pregnant, asks about it, talks about it, shows interest etc, so maybe the person in question decided to organise her own shower just because she thought it was the only way to draw attention to her pregnancy Grin.