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AIBU?

To think this baby shower invitation is grabby as fuck?

221 replies

ENormaSnob · 13/02/2013 20:26

Friend is having dc4.

Invited to baby shower, nice cafe type place, £10pp payable on the day.

Friend doesn't want presents and instead has asked everyone to contribute towards one big item.

The only saving grace is she hasn't done it in poem format.

Am not going.

Aibu to think this is just cheeky and grabby?

Friend has no connection to any culture or country where this is the norm.

OP posts:

Report

happynappies · 15/02/2013 21:35

Oh, and if you have 4dc, I don't think it is true to say you are not short of cash. That and time are the two things you are very short of. And patience.

fathergoose · 15/02/2013 21:36

Having moved to the USA last year and since been to three baby showers (including my own for #2), I'm a convert....

BUT - I have attended very un-stereotypical baby showers (for example, the only non-alcoholic drink at one was water, another was held in a basement of a grungy music record company etc etc). They've just been parties, albeit with a woman with a very large bump as the centre of attention.

And the registry thing didn't bother me either: it was actually a relief when we heard that the baby had arrived that we didn't have to worry what to buy since we'd already got something. There was no expectation that people would buy something, but, like at weddings, most people want to (crazy huh...), so having a list just makes it easier. And asking for one big item is sensible - the last thing mums of multiple children need is yet another 'The Hungry Caterpillar' book...

Pregnancy can be tough, particularly the last few months, so having a chance to meet up with friends, eat nice food, and just hang out is great.

And I also don't have a problem in paying to attend something as long as it's not as someone's house: presumably at a cafe there'll be food/drink of some description?? The OP's friend just wants to acknowledge and be excited about her baby: surely this is allowed, even with a fourth??!

CheerfulYank · 15/02/2013 21:51

Basically what FatherGoose said.

I'm American and had a baby shower, won't be having one for DC2. People who gave me gifts at the shower didn't give me anything else when the baby was born.

That being said, a friend of mine has the grabbiest sister ever and her baby shower invite was sick-inducing...lots of "the pale tangerine nursery" comments and something about "unexpected gifts" meaning, "don't you dare deviate from my ridiculous registry."

ToeCap · 15/02/2013 22:07

1, Grabby as fuck

The excuse, as that is what it is to see friends and family before the baby arrives is a load of tosh. Are you emigrating? Are you never leaving the house until the baby is an adult? Of vourse not, so whats the big gathering for? Presents of course.

Never had them before, never even heard of such things until very recently. No need for them.

What happened to the card and/or little gift of your own choosing when they baby is born?

A list wtf.

As was said several times on this thread FUCK THAT.

flowerygirl · 15/02/2013 22:09

I don't think you're unreasonable at all! Whilst I see that it's practical to ask for contributions to a big item, it's just really cheeky! Especially since she knows you are also expecting your 4th and not asking for gifts!

Whilst baby showers are organised by friends/family with the best intentions, I find the whole thing nauseating!

Don't agree with those complaining about wedding gift lists/asking for money towards honeymoon. Every wedding (apart from one) I've ever been to has this, it's totally acceptable and welcomed by guests! Given the cost per head of inviting people to your wedding (meal, booze etc), it is not rude to give suggestions for gifts in return. One friend got married and didn't have a list, so she ended up with something like 50 towels and 30 vases! Weddings are completely different.

fathergoose · 16/02/2013 00:14

If you're invited to a shower from someone who's 'grabby', then surely that's just a reflection of your (poor) choice in friends... None of my friends would care or treat me any differently whether I bought them a whole set of hand-crafted nursery furniture or nothing at all. That's why they're my friends...

anonymosity · 16/02/2013 02:09

I worry about baby showers - the kids aren't here yet - isn't it slightly bad luck to be filling your house with stuff, in case something goes awry and you have a house full of crap and no baby? I think its bad luck, but then that's me.

flowerygirl · 16/02/2013 09:21

But you have to get all the crap before they're born don't you anonymosity? Otherwise you'd have to run out and buy it all once the baby arrives which would be a bit impractical! It's just a risk you have to take.

fathergoose my friends would definitely treat me differently if I bought their baby a whole set of nursery furniture or nothing at all, if I got them a load of furniture they'd think I was being flash and say I was being way too generous. If I got them nothing at all, they'd think I was a tight cow! You have to work to keep friendships!

dragonflymama · 16/02/2013 14:09

Also hate them, requested not to have one for my first (in case anyone surprisd me) and certainly wouldn't for subsequent children. I think they're tacky and on a serious note tempt fate if something goes wrong.

anonymosity · 16/02/2013 21:08

You don't need all the crap, just a few basics and then the rest can follow after. But to be honest, its all a blur to me now.

CheerfulYank · 16/02/2013 21:29

That's why you have them for the first baby, because you think you need all that stuff. I was crazy about making everything perfect before DC1 arrived. Now I'm pregnant with DC2 and just need to get nipple cream and diapers...everything else will come in its time. :)

Snazzynewyear · 16/02/2013 21:31

Grabby.

littletingoddess · 16/02/2013 22:42

When I was about eight weeks pregnant with DD, DH and I went to Brazil to visit DFIL and our extended family. Everybody was in shock that I would not be having a baby shower - I advised that they were not popular in the UK. All my friends who have had babies have had showers thrown for them by other people and were given useful, practical things like nappies, towels, wipes, etc, not because they were 'grabby' or 'greedy' but because the friends wanted to help out.

fallon8 · 16/02/2013 22:44

You are paying a precious ten quid,to go to a party...buy a bottle of Sancerre and stay at home

DizzyZebra · 16/02/2013 23:40

Never been to a baby shower. Never plan to. Tacky, awful things.
If i want to treat a pregnant friend i will do so. I do not need telling to.

whiteandyelloworchid · 17/02/2013 11:21

dislike hen dos baby showers anything of this type

MusicalEndorphins · 17/02/2013 11:32

Oooh, just got a brilliant idea! Meet tacky with tacky, request that it be a combined shower for both of you.
If I were a friend of yours, I'd want to plan one for you for the week before just to be evil. :P
(not really, but just imagine what she'd say! )

theodorakisses · 17/02/2013 12:59

Called in sick to my own

Freyaee · 17/02/2013 17:07

Hmm - I think if your close friends want to get together one last time pre-baby and give you a few gifts that's a lovely thing and a way of showing your care for the mum, but organising an event specifically to get presents does sound a bit selfish, especially if you have to pay to go. It's not very considerate - if you don't have the cash to buy a baby present are you a bad friend!?

I would prefer friends that wanted to buy a baby related gift to do so after the birth anyway for reasons already said above, but also because then they can come and meet the baby at the same time - seems to make more sense!

PeaceAndHope · 17/02/2013 17:50

I quite loathe baby showers. I have attended a few and they are just opportunities for sanctimommies to talk about how they had all-natural births, how very clever and brave they are, how they breastfed for ten years, and how they whip up organic baby mush.

I attended one in the USA and it was a nightmare. Women were actually proud of their perineal tears. It was like some badge of honour! There was also some competition over who laboured the longest. "Oh really? Twenty hours? Aww, poor thing. Well, I was in labour for seventy."
A similar competition ensued over whose baby's head was the biggest.

And yes they are quite grabby. Overall it is just a stupid party aimed at grabbing gifts from everyone you know and talking to your heart's content about what a brave and clever mum you are.

milk · 17/02/2013 18:55

I wish baby showers were like a month after the baby is born.

Call me superstitious, but I think its not good having one before the baby is born.

bran · 17/02/2013 19:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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bran · 17/02/2013 19:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

beginnings · 17/02/2013 19:23

I'm with you milk. I've been to a few and I've never bought anything for the baby. Only for the Mum - nice products for her hospital bag or something - which I appreciate probably never get used. I can't bear buying things for a baby before they're born. I'm far too nervous that something would go wrong. When I was pregnant with DD, her pram was next door until we came home from the hospital!

Over here they are grabby as people buy things once the baby is born too. In the US, since you're not expected to buy something once the baby arrives, I think they're probably ok. As for the registry list, it's no different from a wedding list IMHO. I used to hate them too but they are convenient and I was stunned by how many people contacted me when I was getting married looking for ours!

PeaceAndHope · 17/02/2013 19:53

In a lot of cultures it is considered bad luck to buy anything for unborn children. I tend to agree with it.

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