To think this baby shower invitation is grabby as fuck?

[ENormaSnob]

Friend is having dc4.

Invited to baby shower, nice cafe type place, £10pp payable on the day.

Friend doesn't want presents and instead has asked everyone to contribute towards one big item.

The only saving grace is she hasn't done it in poem format.

Am not going.

Aibu to think this is just cheeky and grabby?

Friend has no connection to any culture or country where this is the norm.

[PickledInAPearTree]

Sorry I think I misread your post ?

[LineRunner]

Grabby, and tedious.

[smellysocksandchickenpox]

I don't mind gift list for weddings, but they do somewhat defeat the purpose of a baby shower gift, which IMO is experienced mums giving something which they found useful themselves, or giving something because your sister or friend found it really useful for their babies... like a ewan the sheep or one of those zip up swaddle thingies, or a basket of birth essentials (clary sage, water mist, BIG knickers etc etc) based on the guest's own experience so they can pass that on to the expectant mother

[PickledInAPearTree]

I think people enjoy buying little clothes too and it's mean asking for money towards something boring like a nappy bin!

[smellysocksandchickenpox]

I agree, I LOVE baby shopping - I am quite tight with my own babies only buying practical and usually second hand stuff, I like being a bit frivolous when it's for a gift

[PickledInAPearTree]

And its nice to have all the little outfits that you wouldn't buy for yourself too.

Squee!

[Gherkinsmummy]

A friend offered to host our baby shower, it wasn't something I would have thought about particularly. We had it at home, and did all the food and drink, and stipulated that no one needed to buy anything, and men were invited. It was more a chance to see people before the baby was born, with booze :)

But for a 4th baby - does seem a bit cheeky.

[Geekster]

I personally don't like baby showers especially if people have them before DC is born, to me it seems like bad luck. I found it bad enough when we had to buy the essentials ourselves ready for our DD before she was born in case anything went wrong. So I dislike them more for that reason than for being 'grabby'. On the flip side I can see the appeal, but not for me.

[farmersdaugther]

smelly you misunderstand me or maybe I wasn't clear. Either way....
Of course you can celebrate the prospect of becoming a parent before the baby arrives. However I just don't think it's necessary to throw party for someone who hasn't even born yet.

maybe i'm just a bit superstitious about it all.

[PickledInAPearTree]

January! Haha.

That is bloody cheeky!

[pinkyponk67]

The OPs friend may be "grabby" but that doesn't make the whole idea of baby showers "grabby".

Some people just love to slag off the Americans for being "tacky", any excuse.

I was thrown a surprise shower by a French Canadian colleague, as a pre ML leaving do. it was very sweet, all gifts were small token items (pack of socks, or a bib etc). We had tea and cakes, no one had to pay anything, a few silly games. Just a bit of fun. No need for anyone to rubbish the whole idea just because one person goes OTT.

[FellatioNels0n]

What? You pay to attend a baby shower and you are expected to contribute to a gift or take one? WTF? This make me feel very, very old.

I hate all these new over the top 'celebrations' that cost your friends tons of money. Between hen and stag weekends, weddings and baby showers I am surprised any young people can afford to have any fucking friends these days.

And don't even start me on 'graduations' for primary school children, and proms involving decommissioned fire engines, stretch Hummers and helicopters.

[anonymosity]

Really she's on DC4 and there's stuff she still needs to get? [humm]

[LineRunner]

Games?

[BrianCoxandTheTempleofDOOM]

Oooo, I'm having a baby shower thrown (thrown?) for me in a few weeks.

I am very excited.

I had planned to invite a few close friends/family round for tea/cake/food of any kind as I love the idea of having my nearest and dearest around before baby comes along (there was never going to be a stipulation of gift lists etc ). However, my friend and SIL have told me that they have arranged 'something' and won't tell me anything about it - just what date/time.

This is so lovely and thoughtful of them. I am just hoping and praying they listened when I specifically asked that guests did not bring gifts (I don't need anything and feel cheeky anyway being perceived to 'expect' a gift) and that there are no daft expectations put on the guests (ie - write a poem, play pass the poo filled nappy etc)

On the other hand, I am so excited as I haven't a clue who's coming and am hoping they have invited the people I would have. Also, am big on cake atm, I have been promised cake (I can't drink alcohol so yay to cake!)

I say it all the time on these threads. Grabby people have grabby celebrations (regardless of occasion). I am lucky to know nice, genuine, people. If I received a grabby request it would be ignored and sneered at (and possibly reported on MN with glee)

[LineRunner]

But games, * BrianCox. Games.

[TooExtraImmatureCheddar]

Well, my mum, sister and close friends threw me a baby shower for DD1. They got drunk, we made cupcakes and they gave me gifts. DD died while I was in labour 5 weeks later. I was too scared to do anything for DD2 before she was born. Work had thrown me a leaving party when I went on mat leave the first time. The second time, they waited for the announcement that everything was ok before they organised anything!

[Porkster]

So grabby, so vulgar.

Baby showers and bloody poems asking for wedding cash should be banned.

[letshaveacupoftea]

Agree smellysocksandchickenpox that the mother of a stillborn child is no less a mother, but as the mother of a child who died when only a few days old I am thankful that I did not have a baby shower. I am extremely uncomfortable about the idea of buying gifts for others before the baby arrives - luckily none of my friends have had baby showers so I haven't been put in that position. It amazes me how people in general take it for granted that everything will be perfect when the baby arrives.
Also although there is no tradition either here or in America for this (other than christenings), wouldn't it be lovely for a friend to arrange a get-together a few weeks after the birth with cake and pink or blue balloons etc so that everybody can meet the new arrival? - and the frazzled new mother may not faced with a constant stream of unannounced visitors following the birth when she is probably too tired to remember how to make a cup of tea for them, and may well still be in her pyjamas at 3 in the afternoon etc.

[QueenMaeve]

I detest baby showers. I normally love anything party related, but I just think they are so materialistic.

[BrianCoxandTheTempleofDOOM]

My heart goes out to all who have lost their babies. It truly does.

I refuse to live my life based on 'what if' though, I understand why looking back on your own situation you would have that train of thought, but I personally would rather not have that 'what if' hanging over what statistically (and in all probability) is going to be a positive, happy event.

I don't say that to detract from anybody's loss, as I say my heart goes out to you. I genuinely want to celebrate something that is important, in a nice and non-grabby way.

Linerunner I will walk out if there are games.

[chocolatemakeseverythingbetter]

Oh goodness, where to start?

I think the problem here is that the idea of a baby shower is lost in translation.

There are very specific, universal etiquette rules regarding baby showers in America and they go something like this:

1. they are ONLY (as others have mentioned) for your FIRST child
   
2. they are NEVER hosted by the mother-to-be herself, and in some circles it is considered tacky for the grandmother-to-be to host
   
3. you NEVER have to pay to attend
   
4. money is NEVER an appropriate gift
   

If someone had planned what was originally described as a shower back home, everyone would be shocked, and no one would go.

An American baby shower is a fun way to celebrate the mum-to-be, and yes "shower" her with gifts (small or large depending on how close you are with her) that will help her through this life-changing event. You also play party games - which may or may not be of the embarrassing sort.

Usually, if you are close to her, you also give her a present once the baby is born.

I hear what people are saying about not giving gifts before the actual birth, and no American Jew will have a baby shower for that very reason. (Well, none of my Jewish friends will.) But, baby showers are very much a part of our culture. Just like we find the British hen-dos to be very bizarre and over the top, I can see how Brits find our baby showers over the top too.

[Internationaltraveller]

I don't think that's so bad. If you are not happy for her, why are you even considering going? She sounds like she doesn't even want gifts. In those type of situations though, people always do asked so maybe she feels obliged to mention putting it towards something big. there may be another side to this - just sayin'

[JamieandtheMagicTorch]

I find hen dos bizarre and over the top as well.

In fact pretty much any celebration