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AIBU?

To think this baby shower invitation is grabby as fuck?

221 replies

ENormaSnob · 13/02/2013 20:26

Friend is having dc4.

Invited to baby shower, nice cafe type place, £10pp payable on the day.

Friend doesn't want presents and instead has asked everyone to contribute towards one big item.

The only saving grace is she hasn't done it in poem format.

Am not going.

Aibu to think this is just cheeky and grabby?

Friend has no connection to any culture or country where this is the norm.

OP posts:

Report

BrianCoxandTheTempleofDOOM · 14/02/2013 19:57

You see, I am all for embracing other cultures and stealing their traditions

It's a big world, there is a lot to be learned and enjoyed. We sample different food, why not different traditions.

I hate how, time and time again 'Americanism' is sneered upon on MN.

But then I love the US, having worked over there and met many, many, lovely and intelligent people (not the stereotypical 'fat, ignorant, yank' that is portrayed by some in the British media). Obviously the US has ishoos but name me a country/culture that doesn't.

Baby showers - as described by those in the know, are the way forward. Unfortunately, the part of Brit culture that is tacky and grabby has taken the tradition and turned it into something tacky and grabby (go figure!).

This is my DC2, but we had never heard of baby showers 9 years ago when DD was born and I had few friends back then aaahhhh so we'll pretend it's ok to have one for DC2 ok?

smellysocksandchickenpox · 14/02/2013 20:29

"Baby showers - as described by those in the know, are the way forward. Unfortunately, the part of Brit culture that is tacky and grabby has taken the tradition and turned it into something tacky and grabby (go figure!)"

^the nail is hit on the head there

baby showers aren't grabby, grabby people will have grabby baby showers, nice people will have nice showers, same as weddings!

I also don't see the problem with baby showers for 2nd(3rd..7th..) babies, maybe the mum didn't have one before for no1 and feels they missed out, maybe they did have one and it meant so much to have a nice excuse to get everyone together near the end of the pregnancy.. whatever!

IMO MN posters just hate parties! I love em because I don't get invited to all that many these days so get stupidly excited if I get an invite! any excuse will do me! .. the exact same thread comes out in triplicate every autumn, you just substitute babyshower for halloween and the america bashing and party hating is all the same! And similar again at christmas

willesden · 14/02/2013 21:10

I have just been invited to my first shower and that is also 'grabby as fuck'. The hostess is the new mother. Invite is for a top notch restaurant at lunchtime (we are to pay for our own food & drinks) stipulated no other children would be welcome, and the gift list is at John Lewis. She has invited 80 guests via facebook. The world really has gone mad.

ellangirl · 14/02/2013 21:52

Willesden that is indeed grabby!

I've just been to a lovely baby shower for a friend who is profoundly grateful for both her baby and any gifts recieved. She does not expect any gifts after baby is born. She is South african, where baby showers are the norm (so I understand). It didn't cost me to go, and I would have bought her a gift anyway.

She offered to throw me a shower before my dd was born but I politely declined because I think most of my other friends would have reacted like most of you have!

shortwife · 14/02/2013 21:54

Lord alive, what is wrong with most of you people? It must be tough sitting in your ivory towers judging the rest of society. Have you never heard of 'live and let live'. Please don't misunderstand me, I'm not sure how appropriate a baby shower is for a 4th child, but the fact remains, if you don't agree with them, then don't attend them. It's the same argument as people who think there is too much 'offensive' material on TV. You have a remote control - turn it off and don't watch.

BUT I always thought that having a baby is usually a cause for celebration - be it number 1 or number 8. Everyone is different and lives their lives in their own sweet way - it doesn't necessarily make it wrong, just different (and sometimes, cheeky and a bit strange compared to how you live your life). EVeryone has the right to disagree with other people but if you want to talk about tacky, I would have thought that talking behind backs and and openly judging is a pretty tacky thing too.

Sorry, rant over.

LineRunner · 14/02/2013 22:05

You could turn off MN using that argument, shortwife,

shortwife · 14/02/2013 22:22

'tis true Linerunner, I could turn off using that argument (and I frequently do) but it makes me sad that there seems to be a lot of judgement passed on MN, especially seeing as this is meant to be a site offering support and advice etc etc. At least that is what I thought MN was supposed to be, but unfortunately it seems I was incorrect. Being a parent (and a woman) is hard enough at the best of times, without turning on each other. The world would be a very dull place if we were all the same - difference of opinion is a good thing - but it might be a nicer place if we could roll our eyes and sigh a bit more rather than unleash a torrent of judgement and, what feels like, hate.

I'm sure there are now lots of people who will think I'm a bit of a tree hugger and wishy washy do-gooder (which really couldn't be further from the truth) but c'est la vie.

Taking my own advice and logging off.... Life is too short.

LineRunner · 14/02/2013 22:28

shortwife, I think the trick is to pick your boards and threads on MN, tbh. There are some threads I look at and avoid immediately.

BlatantLies · 14/02/2013 23:58

YABU it is cheeky and grabby. I wouldn't go either. I might buy the baby a little gift after its born though.

MusicalEndorphins · 15/02/2013 00:40

My aunts threw me a baby shower. I thought we were going over to her place for a barbeque, and had no idea it was a shower for me. My baby was due in 2 weeks. I was totally shocked, I should look for a photo of me walking out into the back yard and seeing my cousins and in laws. I began having contractions that night and had my baby 2 days later!
I was thrilled to be honest. I saw cousins I hadn't seem in over 10 years and was very touched my aunts went to such trouble for me
In my family, showers were always a surprise.

SquinkiesRule · 15/02/2013 02:38

I'm in the US and for the first baby, work threw me a shower, 6 nurses and two doctors, and a big cake on my last day.
Bay two you get what they call a sprinkle, three friends got together and got baby a few new outfits and again lots of cake.
Baby number three you are on your own, you should have enough crap in the house from the first two. I had already got rid of everything so went shopping, bought most of the stuff used, new car seat and pushchair (the old one was fit for nothing) then found lots of clothes at the charity shops for next to nothing.
The op shower invite does sound grabby. The showers I've been to in the US were held in someones house, lots of cake, and nibbles and soft drinks and most people bought a small gift, and outfit, or onsies type clothes and burp cloths. The new grandmothers usually got the big stuff like car seats or cot etc. not the friends.

FellatioNels0n · 15/02/2013 04:18

Willsden stories like that make me almost glad to be old.

Chottie · 15/02/2013 04:24

My DD's boss is hosting a BS for her, she has said she would be honored to do it. I'm trying to angle for an invite, because I've never been to a BS and I'm just nosy

mathanxiety · 15/02/2013 04:27

Oh yes indeed, the concept of the baby shower has been completely lost in translation. What this friend has in mind isn't strictly speaking a shower, it's a cash grab. It's a shame imo to see the baby shower tarnished in this way. Properly done, it's a really nice way to let the mother to be enjoy a few hours where she's the centre of attention and people celebrate the baby.

My experience of baby showers in the US was exactly as Squinkies described.

I had two thrown for me when pg with DD1, one by exSILs in exMIL's home city (where I didn't live) and to which were invited exMIL's old lady friends and mothers of boys exH had gone to school with, and the second was a surprise shower at work. Got a lot of random and lovely gifts and some big ticket items at both, had a lot of sedate fun (others not about to pop had a lot more fun at the office one but that's a different story)..

Maxiine · 15/02/2013 04:42

I think its taking the mick!! buy a present or give money before the baby comes, and then again when baby arrives!! I dont think so!! i think it just gives people with money to burn to opportunity to show off to the people with not so much, so they can lavish the mum to be to prove they are better 'friends'!! seen it all before. As for a gift list,,,,,,, shove that where the sun dont shine mate! if you want to have a get together before baby come then do so, but I will not be made to feel like i have to buy anything for a 'baby shower'. I have passed on baby items to friends that I didnt need anymore and were gratefully received.
so yeah I think to orgainse your own baby shower is just being greedy!!

whiteflame · 15/02/2013 05:05

Wouldn't do it personally, but the invitation wouldn't bother me either. After all, it is an invitation, you can decline as you say.

Want2bSupermum · 15/02/2013 06:06

I had a baby shower which was hosted by my friend. I was asked to put a registry together and I did one at a local store that is part of a chain here in the US and another on amazon. I ended up returning most of what I had been given and using the store credit towards the stroller. I then bought everything I have been given as gifts (jumperoo, swing etc) 2nd hand for pennys on the $. Glad I spent the extra on a stroller that can covert to being a double.

I am very pregnant with baby #2. I was going to have a party (well brunch) but I am just so tired. I finished work last Saturday and my due date is tomorrow. All I want to do is put my feet up and get my final bit of relaxation in before all hell breaks loose.

HollyBerryBush · 15/02/2013 06:13

Superstition is oftern born out of good reason - such as ours of 'don't bring a pram into the house until the baby is home'.

Just because you are pregnant doesnt mean there will be a baby at the end of it sadly. I can't imagine the upset at having to hide away all the baby paraphenalia if there was a tragedy.

So yes, baby showers are pre-empting fate in a way. Don't like them. Unneccesary.

GirlOutNumbered · 15/02/2013 08:02

I just went to post exactly what hollyberry said.

GirlOutNumbered · 15/02/2013 08:03

I had a lunch organised for me by my friends, but it was all about me! That was nice and a surprise. A little lunch with my besties before everything changed forever!

Fairydogmother · 15/02/2013 08:45

I am going to a baby no 1 shower for my friend next weekend. Organised by 4 of us and no cost to anyone else attending (including the expectant mother!). Me and another girl clubbed together for a cake and the other 2 got party games etc (tho I personally hate all the stupid games!)

I have bought some burts bees things for my friend and nothing for the baby per se as i will give her a baby related present when her wee one makes an appearance.

I think it's nice to show a close friend how much you care and she certainly doesn't expect a tonne of presents! Totally unnecessary and a bit odd to go over the top.

theodorakisses · 15/02/2013 10:14

My Aussie friend was mortified when she went to a Brit's shower. She said they all take something small that will be needed, baby lotion, cream, muslins etc. She was really embarrassed when everyone else gave competitive presents. We have adopted that here now and it is much nicer and keep a bag of maternity clothes and baby clothes which then get recycled, added to and passed on. I still avoid them though, not keen on the whole "ladies only" thing. If I had another chance, I would rather just have a nice tea party where all my friends and their children were welcome.

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Fillyjonk75 · 15/02/2013 10:48

My friend organised one for me when I was having my first baby and I thought it was lovely. She held it round at her flat and baked some cakes, got a good number of girlfriends round and we had a blast. It was like my hen do which I worked out was almost exactly a year earlier, without the alcohol.

Fillyjonk75 · 15/02/2013 10:51

While there is a chance there won't be a baby at the end it was a lot more likely in years past, hence the superstition. Today it isn't very likely at all, hence why a lot of people don't bother with superstition and stick with science. Anyway, I seem to remember nearly all the presents were for me, hurrah.

Floggingmolly · 15/02/2013 10:55

It isn't as likely as it used to be, fillyjonk, but it still happens. Science still isn't far enough advanced to predict with complete accuracy whether there'll be a problem or not.
I found your post quite flippant, actually.

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