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AIBU?

To think this baby shower invitation is grabby as fuck?

221 replies

ENormaSnob · 13/02/2013 20:26

Friend is having dc4.

Invited to baby shower, nice cafe type place, £10pp payable on the day.

Friend doesn't want presents and instead has asked everyone to contribute towards one big item.

The only saving grace is she hasn't done it in poem format.

Am not going.

Aibu to think this is just cheeky and grabby?

Friend has no connection to any culture or country where this is the norm.

OP posts:

Report

GregBishopsBottomBitch · 13/02/2013 20:46

I never had a baby shower, if people wanted to give DD gifts, then they would be much appreciated, i wouldnt ask for them tho.

bumblebeader · 13/02/2013 20:47

In America baby showers are the norm for your first born only and it's something your friends/family organise, certainly not the mum-to-be, which is impolite. A baby shower helps the parents get everything they need as it's so expensive in the beginning. It is seen as very bad manners to have a baby shower for your next baby (or babies) and never, ever would you ask your guests to pay for their own refreshments. You provide what your budget allows.

ENormaSnob · 13/02/2013 20:49

Sorry the £10 is to presumably cover food and drinks.

The contribution to the bigger item is on top of that although no amount has been stipulated.

OP posts:

LeaveTheBastid · 13/02/2013 20:52

Oh, £10 on top of a donation for a bigger gift?

I second SirBoobs fuck that.

12ylnon · 13/02/2013 20:54

Well I don't think it's THAT bad- I presume the £10 is to cover food and drink, I think it's pretty reasonable.
I think it's sensible of her to ask for 1 big gift if she already has things for the baby. At least she gets something she needs. I presume you would be getting the baby a gift even if she wasn't having a shower- I don't get the distinction.
I do think it's a little off having a shower fir her 4th child though.
I don't understand why people think that gift lists are 'grabby' for weddings/showers etc. As long as there is a good mix of cheap and pricier things, I have no problem with them. I ask what people want anyway- surely it just saves them having to repeat themselves 50 times? Plus it saves getting duplicates- I recieved 7 blankets when ds was born. As gratefully received as they were, I probably only used 2 of them- we used sleeping bags instead.

ilovemydogandMrObama · 13/02/2013 20:56

Oh I don't know, maybe DC4 was unplanned/surprise, and she gave away all the baby stuff? My American cousin threw a baby shower for DC1, did a brunch at her house, all very low key.

MamaBear17 · 13/02/2013 20:57

I don't mind baby showers - although I never had one myself. I only buy one gift for the baby though; usually I take a gift to the shower and then send a card once baby is born. From my experience, the baby showers I have been too have usually cost the mum and arm and a leg in food, drinks and decorations so I really do not see them as grabby, as I would buy a gift for the baby anyway. I think they are just an excuse for a little party. However, I do think it is a bit cheeky to expect you to pay £10pp and then contribute towards a gift. I was asked by my MIL to write a list of things I wanted for the baby because family members were asking what they could get us. However, I just couldnt bring myself to do it because it felt cheeky.

merlottits · 13/02/2013 20:58

Grabby as fuck, I agree. Just an excuse for another bloody party/present to add to the present after the baby. Bloody check. I wouldn't have the brass neck.

merlottits · 13/02/2013 20:59

Cheek even...

FrancesHouseman · 13/02/2013 20:59

I had a John Lewis gift list and a baby shower (for my first only!)

In my defence I was very excited about the baby and had done the gift list more as a personal shopping list. My best friend suggested the shower and I only told people about the list who asked if I needed anything (and I did! We were skint, and the first of our friends to have a baby so no hand-me-downs from anyone.)

At least one of the attendees later got married and I paid £30 toward her honeymoon, in a similar 'grabby' way, so swings and roundabouts!

Everything I got was put to very good use, and passed along to lots of other babies too.

Have I protested too much enough now?!

landofsoapandglory · 13/02/2013 21:01

Bloody hell American TV has got a lot to answer for!

Whatever happened to being given a pack of 3 babygrows or a little outfit once baby is born?

I, also, go along with SirBoobs "Fuck that!"

Floggingmolly · 13/02/2013 21:02

So you've to pay to get in, and then contribute to a big present? Yes, grabby as fuck. Who throws a party and expects guests to buy their own food and drink, and bring a gift?

cheeseandbiscuitsplease · 13/02/2013 21:29

I've never been to one and never would!
Celebrate the baby once everyone is safe and sound and all is well. I nearly lost my first baby, thankfully he's 7 now and gorgeous - does have mild cerebral palsy. My second baby was delivered 7 weeks early to avoid complications but this was decided very suddenly! Just don't get the whole baby shower thing. Let's welcome a healthy baby first. Don't want to sound like a misery guts but things go wrong - its a sad fact but it's true.

whateveritakes · 13/02/2013 21:29

Bit odd for number 4.

I had one for my first. It was to celebrate with my friends and employers who helped me with the decision to keep the baby and all the support in getting me through (ex left me as soon as I told him I was 6 weeks pregnant).

I gave them all a party bag and did the food and drink. They had pooled together and brought me an expensive photo shoot for my bump. I love those photo's and remind me of how kind other women can be.

And we played games and had the boy/girl weight sweepstake. It was great

PickledInAPearTree · 13/02/2013 21:35

No way! That's super cheeky!

PickledInAPearTree · 13/02/2013 21:37

Plus if you ARE asking for gifts you ought to make sure if bit chargeable.

It would be fine if it was come out fit tea & cake with me before the baby comes type thing but you can't call it a shower ask for a tenner and THEN ask for gifts. Just NOOOOOOO!

SomethingOnce · 13/02/2013 21:42

Grab-o-rama!

But I hate the concept of baby showers. Somebody asked me if I was going to have one when pregnant with DD - he got a Bad Look.

Yellowtip · 13/02/2013 21:43

bumble I'm not so sure about for DC1 only. When we lived on a US army base showers were thrown for all babies. Someone threw a surprise one for me/ DC2 - very alien to me, not having previously heard of showers, but I was pretty touched by the thought and the gifts.

Not in a million years would I organise one for myself.

Teapot13 · 13/02/2013 21:46

I keep swearing not to get involved in baby shower threads but I can't resist.

"Friend has no connection to any culture or country where this is the norm."

Does such a place exist?

I assume you mean the US, but
(1) only for a first baby, or perhaps a surprise baby with a really large age gap.
(2) it's a party, so guests are invited; i.e., don't have to pay admission or bring their own food.
(3) you cannot host your own, and it really shouldn't be done by a family member either -- that would be asking people for gifts! It's something your mother's best friend does, who has known you since you were little, or maybe your bridesmaid (not a relative). It isn't always a surprise, and you might help with the guest list because the person hosting won't know all your different sets of friends.

I don't really like them because they are boring -- tend to take place on a weekend afternoon and kill the whole day. None of this wine-soaked, mixed-gender fun that gets mentioned on MN.

ProphetOfDoom · 13/02/2013 21:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ENormaSnob · 13/02/2013 21:50

I didn't think I was bu but this person is getting on my nerves a bit anyway at the moment so I am biased.

12yl, I would've got her a card and token gift post delivery but I am due at the same time and we had agreed no gifts.

I am already working extra shifts to cover costs for my own baby (all stuff bought off ebay) and pending mat leave so I do feel even more pissed off about the whole thing tbh.

OP posts:

MarmaladeTwatkins · 13/02/2013 21:51

YANBU

My cousin is pregnant, or preggerz as she says, and she announced her baby shower weeks ago despite not even having been for her 12 week scan. Nice. Organise to be showered with gifts before you even know all is well with your unborn child. You fuckwit.

Soz for hijack Norma. YANBU. Tell her to fuck off. or "Go take a hike" seeing as she's so fond of American shit.

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ENormaSnob · 13/02/2013 21:54

at the cousin angst.

I have already declined the invitation anyway.

OP posts:

jojane · 13/02/2013 22:00

Me and my friends had baby showers on our last round of babies (2nd and 3 rd babies) as none of us had them with our first. However it was just 5 or 6 of us at someone's house for a takeaway and some baby shower games. Bit of fun and there were presents but just bibs or baby gros etc, nothing fancy.

Viviennemary · 13/02/2013 22:04

I think you are doing the right thing by not going. It's the only way to discourage this sort of grabbiness.

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