Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

to be absolutely gutted to find out I'm PG with DC3?

216 replies

AnotherTeacherMum · 21/12/2012 21:18

Found out today that I am pg- bit of a shock.

TMI bit (included so I don't get lynched for being lax about contraception), condom split went for morning after pill well within timescales- could not believe it when I got a positive test today.

DH had a business go under just over year ago, we are in £50k debt (as well as mortgage, only about £10- 15k equity in house as bought at a bad time) he's currently working as a taxi driver (his income doesn't even cover bills) so heavily reliant on my bursary now and me getting a job in Sep (which I now realise is about a week after I'm due).

I'm finding my workload with kids/ study / teaching practice so hard already. DC1 and 2 are 4 and 5 yo. Last couple of years have been horrible mainly becauase of financial probs- been taken to court,had repossession of vehicle- managed to get my English degree whilst all of this going on. Even if I only had 3 months off when baby is born I don't know how we would live whilst I was off and that would be assuming I could find work easily when I needed to go back. I also can't bear that thought of packing a tiny baby off into childcare whilst I work a 50-60 hour week- but I will have no choice. I already feel like I see far less of dc1 and dc2 than they need.

I felt like we were just about to get our lives back on track when I qualify in summer and now I'm back to square 1. I realise that there are people who would do anything for a baby but I feel absolutely defeated by life today :(

OP posts:
Tortington · 21/12/2012 21:20

congrats - you'll get through

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 21/12/2012 21:21

You poor thing :(

You have choices you know. Hard ones, but they are there.

kilmuir · 21/12/2012 21:22

difficult one. hope you are ok and can discuss options with your DH

RyleDup · 21/12/2012 21:23

Have you any family who can help out with child care?

dementedma · 21/12/2012 21:24

I feel for you. Was unexpectedly pg with DC 3 not long after setting my own business up. 9 year gap between dc2 and DC 3. Its been hard. Do you have to go through with the pg? < dons hard hat>

dontcallmehon · 21/12/2012 21:25

I had an unplanned dc3 in less than ideal circumstances. Surprisingly it all worked itself out in the end. It's a tough position to be in though.

HollyBerryBush · 21/12/2012 21:25

You'll find a way to manage, what ever choice you make.

Softlysoftly · 21/12/2012 21:26

YANBU to be upset and there are options not to continue.

If you can't bear that thought then I'll 2nd you will get through. Your DH could work nights on the taxi? More money plus he can be SAHD in the day if you slot all your hours in well enough. Or look to what benefits are available, your situation is what the welfare system was actually built for.

AbandonHopeAllYe · 21/12/2012 21:26

You don't have to have a baby if you don't want to.

IfNotNowThenWenceslas · 21/12/2012 21:26

Sorry to hear that. I know it might not be a popular opinion on here, but you don't HAVE to have this baby. I for one wouldn't judge you if you chose not to.
Good luck, whatever you decide.

FlojoHoHoHo · 21/12/2012 21:27

No mention of options. Do u have options?

ZZZenAgain · 21/12/2012 21:27

What does D h say about it?

Karoleann · 21/12/2012 21:28

Poor you - I would be gutted too if I got pg again (we have 3 already) and we don't have any money problems.
It'll probably be one of those things that you'll look back on in a few years time and think was dreadful, but has worked out for the best. The ecomony is picking up, your older children are both going to be at school and maybe you DH could do tax driving to fit around your job when you go back.
Hope it all works out

whois · 21/12/2012 21:28

You do have a choice about keeping the baby or not.

I hope things work out whatever you choose.

TwistedTinsel · 21/12/2012 21:28

oh love have some unmumsnetty ((hugs)). Being unexpectedly pg is stressful enough without money worries.

BOFingSanta · 21/12/2012 21:28

Yes, a think that a termination would be a very sensible choice. Good luck with whatever you decide. You don't have to justify it to anyone.

MikeLitorisHasChristmasLights · 21/12/2012 21:29

Im going to post this without name changing.

I'm in the same situation.

I already have 3 dc. Im the main breadwinner and just cannot afford another. Apart from that I just dont want to do it all again.

I have decided not to continue with the pregnancy.

Its a hard decision but one I am completely 100% sure it is the right one for me and my family.

I really wish you all the best and you will all get through the tough times if thats what you want.

X

whatsforyou · 21/12/2012 21:29

You could be one of my good friends describing her situation a few years ago. She also had a contraceptive fail and it was so the wrong time for her. They always wanted 3 but not at that time.

She was really down whenever she thought about their situation when she was pregnant and says she was probably in denial about it all.

It's not easy for them now, they are proper skint and she is run ragged but she wouldn't swap her little monster for the world. I think he knows he wasn't planned so he decide to make sure he is noticed everywhere he goes Grin
It won't be easy and I'll avoid all the 'blessing' type platitudes. But you sound lovely (if a bit stressed) and you and your dp will find you've got room for 3.

AngryBeaver · 21/12/2012 21:30

We were in financial trouble when I found out I was pregnant with dc3.
I cried and said I didn't want it.
And then at 14 weeks I lost it, and I was bereft.
We have been trying again ever since but have lost two more.

It is not what you want now, but as custy says, you'll get by.

If you decide to terminate, which is the other option,just be certain that you can cope with the feelings on the other side.

Good luck.

StuntGirl · 21/12/2012 21:30

You definitely have options. I'm sorry you're in this difficult position. x

jinglebellyalltheway · 21/12/2012 21:32

there is no right or wrong option in this OP, whatever you choose you'll be doing it for your family, either as it is with 4 or with 5

its early days, you don't need to decide TODAY x

Original poster
AnotherTeacherMum · 21/12/2012 21:32

Thanks for the replies. No family available to help out-don't live close and all work full time themselves or old/ too poorly.

I know I have options. I can hardly bear to think about it but I know that I probably should whilst only 3 weeks pg. DH says he'll support me whatever. Just not sure I could...

I know things will work out whatever but we came so close to losing the house and everything, we only hung on by the skin of our teeth and I really felt things would turn a corner this year when I qualified and went back to work and youngest dc went to school so no more childcare fees...

I probably need a couple of days to figure out how I feel... I only found out this afternoon.

Thanks for taking the time to reply everyone.

OP posts:
Alibabaandthe40nappies · 21/12/2012 21:32

Mike - good luck x

TwistedTinsel · 21/12/2012 21:34

((hugs)) to Mike too.

Original poster
AnotherTeacherMum · 21/12/2012 21:35

Mike... thanks for being so honest... hugs from me too xxx

OP posts: