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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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to be absolutely gutted to find out I'm PG with DC3?

216 replies

AnotherTeacherMum · 21/12/2012 21:18

Found out today that I am pg- bit of a shock.

TMI bit (included so I don't get lynched for being lax about contraception), condom split went for morning after pill well within timescales- could not believe it when I got a positive test today.

DH had a business go under just over year ago, we are in £50k debt (as well as mortgage, only about £10- 15k equity in house as bought at a bad time) he's currently working as a taxi driver (his income doesn't even cover bills) so heavily reliant on my bursary now and me getting a job in Sep (which I now realise is about a week after I'm due).

I'm finding my workload with kids/ study / teaching practice so hard already. DC1 and 2 are 4 and 5 yo. Last couple of years have been horrible mainly becauase of financial probs- been taken to court,had repossession of vehicle- managed to get my English degree whilst all of this going on. Even if I only had 3 months off when baby is born I don't know how we would live whilst I was off and that would be assuming I could find work easily when I needed to go back. I also can't bear that thought of packing a tiny baby off into childcare whilst I work a 50-60 hour week- but I will have no choice. I already feel like I see far less of dc1 and dc2 than they need.

I felt like we were just about to get our lives back on track when I qualify in summer and now I'm back to square 1. I realise that there are people who would do anything for a baby but I feel absolutely defeated by life today :(

OP posts:
MyBaby1day · 25/12/2012 01:08

Well I just hope she does, and can put the worry to one side for Christmas. I regret nothing I said and didn't break the talk guidelines.

AngryBeaver · 25/12/2012 02:13

Well if I'm being deleted anyway, for what I thought was a quite balanced and restrained reply, I may as well say what I really think.....

Ok, I wrote it and deleted it, but I feel quite satisfied. none the less.

Alisvolatpropiis · 25/12/2012 02:47

OP I sincerely hope you are getting the support you need. I kind of understand where you are coming from. I would love to have a child but if I got pregnant now I would be devastated for so many reasons.

Mybaby you say you are prolife. Whose life are you pro? Unborn featus or a living berating adult? Have a long look at you pro gestation attitude. People like you are bang up for caring about life right up until the host gives birth.

Alisvolatpropiis · 25/12/2012 02:48

*breathing. Though on AIBU we do often berate.

BOFingSanta · 25/12/2012 02:57

Mybaby, have a read of this- but ignore it, OP, as this is a bit off-topic.

MyBaby1day · 25/12/2012 05:10

Well whatever anyone thinks of me I stand by me beliefs and hope OP is o.k. all the while. AngryBeaver-good name!. Alisvolat, I am pro all life, unborn featus and of course an adult too!. BOFing, I read it, I never said banning abortion would stop them all (I know before it was legalised, and even now in countries where abortion is illegal, there were backstreet ones) but you could say that about anything!, legalise all drugs, underage sex, polygamy etc. so it's not a good argument, as for the real solution is birth control-it is yes. The part where a womans body naturally rejects fertilised eggs well that is something nature has done!, it's a bit different than abortion where the body hasn't rejected it!. Also this is just one woman and she seems to have strayed from her family, quite sad Sad.

MyBaby1day · 25/12/2012 05:10

my

JenaiMathis · 25/12/2012 06:35

Pack it in, MyBaby.

When you've grown up and you've learnt a little of real life, you might have a better developed view of things. Until then keep your childish views to yourself.

I feel very sorry that the thread is being derailed in this way. Can we back back to the OP please?

everlong · 25/12/2012 08:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AngryBeaver · 25/12/2012 08:45

....and learn how to spell fetus.

AngryBeaver · 25/12/2012 20:43

Sorry, I was quite drunk when I posted that Xmas Blush...childish of me

everlong · 25/12/2012 21:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Alisvolatpropiis · 25/12/2012 21:22

I was quite drunk when posting myself Angry hence my misspelling of the word. I knew it wasn't right but had a completely blank moment. Grin

Plus people like Mybaby give me the rage.

Really hope you are ok OP.

AngryBeaver · 25/12/2012 22:43

Everlong..ha!It's Boxing Day here,so I was pissed at a decent hour last night!
And I'm so sorry,I though mybaby was the only one who has misspelled fetus Blush,I think she has made quite a lot of us cross.
Plus,forgive me if this post is weird, it's the first time I've used this iPad!

AngryBeaver · 25/12/2012 23:11

Have come back on laptop as I can't work out how to do this everlong and this Alisvolatpropiis on other gadget

everlong · 26/12/2012 09:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AngryBeaver · 26/12/2012 19:06

everlong..there's hardcore...and then there's alco!

everlong · 26/12/2012 19:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Alisvolatpropiis · 26/12/2012 19:26

AngryBeaver I'll let you off because even as I typed it I was thinking "no,no that's not right". Wine goggles! Grin

AngryBeaver · 26/12/2012 21:00

We've all been there Wine cheers!!

WakeyCakey · 26/12/2012 22:19

OP you seemed to have run for the hills from the thread. I hope you are ok and had a good day yesterday considering the circumstances.

Just to let you know that whatever you decide you will be supported. i'm glad your dh is supporting you too.

Just remember this decision is yours so please don't be swayed by the arguments here.

very un-mumsnetty hugs from me x

MyBaby1day · 29/12/2012 08:14

Jenai, how dare you be so patronising, you don't know my age, how about having a life-threatening illness to deal with?, trust me nothing like that to make you grow up!. Sorry I don't encourage people to abort their babies!. To the person who messaged me Grin.....I agree to but only in certain circumstances.

MyBaby1day · 29/12/2012 08:15

Angrybeaver, yes spelt something wrong, there are worse things I could be doing.............

AnotherTeacherMum · 29/12/2012 16:02

Hi all.

Thanks so much for all the supportive messages people have put. I have been lurking but wasn't in the right frame of mind to get into a debate about pro life vs pro choice, that wasn't really what I intended when I posted .

Initial shock has work off and I'm starting to feel OK about being pg but it was absolutely right that people suggested termination as an option -its so nice to think that (most!) people aren't judging you.

I'm due during in the summer hols so although it will be intensely hard work I'm hoping to start a teaching job maybe just 3 months later than I would have anyway and my course will finish when I am 32 weeks- so hopefully before I get to the really knackered bit!!

But it was so lovely how many people posted messages of support/ hand holding/hugs because its really hard when you can't talk to people in real life.

MyBaby I have just got to say that how inappropriate your posts are. You clearly have no concept of the what raising children and providing a secure environment takes- stable income and parents who are not physically and emotionally exhausted. You have to do more than just feed them and celebrate xmas for f*s sake.

You are correct that few people starve in the UK today (although many children are malnourished through poor diet) but there are plenty of people who live in cold,inadequate moldy accommodation,have to place their children in substandard childcare, neglect their children's needs through lack of energy or funds, have to make their children changes schools frequently because they are forced to move from home to home,live in areas with huge crime and drug problems because they cannot afford better and their children get caught up in it. I know because I have done almost all of my teacher training in inner city schools where this is the reality for many children. I see children every day in dirty clothes because parents can only afford one set of uniform; shoes that hurt them because they can only afford cheap ones and can't aford to replace as soon as the grow out; children who are dirty and absolutely infested with nits because mum is too exhausted with more kids than she can cope with to look after their physical care properly. Kids who arrive at school freezing because they only have 1 crappy thin coat and have a long walk to school- and they are not coming from a nice centrally heated house. Most of the parents I see are decent people struggling to do their best but utterly defeated by life.

Until you have a clue about the realities of bringing up children in the real world jog on and do not dare to bother anyone in an upsetting position again - the next person you bother may be bullied by people like you into the situations I describe above. I'm sorry if you are ill or can't have children, taht is horrible for you and I certainly wouldn't wish either on you, but bullying other women into impossible situations won't change your situation.

I am upset that my circumstances mean I can't bring my children up quite the way I would like (work life balance mainly) but there are women who find themselves pg in far more dire situations than mine and you have no right to give them this bullshit- of course they know when their baby's first xmas will be etc- but they also have to provide financially and emotionally for baby (and any other kids they have) the other 364 days of the year.

Steps off soap box.

That was only directed a mybaby's silly comments and not the more sensible people who suggested that all would turn out fine and I would regret a termination because they are valid points balanced against an understanding of the reality of parenting.

I was mainly coming on to thank people for their kind messages but it really does bother me what effect posters like mybaby would have on women far more vulnerable than me and in far more desperate situations (I was having a VERY low day when I posted but am usually a bit feistier;) )

Thanks you again.

OP posts:
Mosman · 29/12/2012 16:06

Can we say congratulations now Grin