to be absolutely gutted to find out I'm PG with DC3?

[AnotherTeacherMum]

Found out today that I am pg- bit of a shock.

TMI bit (included so I don't get lynched for being lax about contraception), condom split went for morning after pill well within timescales- could not believe it when I got a positive test today.

DH had a business go under just over year ago, we are in £50k debt (as well as mortgage, only about £10- 15k equity in house as bought at a bad time) he's currently working as a taxi driver (his income doesn't even cover bills) so heavily reliant on my bursary now and me getting a job in Sep (which I now realise is about a week after I'm due).

I'm finding my workload with kids/ study / teaching practice so hard already. DC1 and 2 are 4 and 5 yo. Last couple of years have been horrible mainly becauase of financial probs- been taken to court,had repossession of vehicle- managed to get my English degree whilst all of this going on. Even if I only had 3 months off when baby is born I don't know how we would live whilst I was off and that would be assuming I could find work easily when I needed to go back. I also can't bear that thought of packing a tiny baby off into childcare whilst I work a 50-60 hour week- but I will have no choice. I already feel like I see far less of dc1 and dc2 than they need.

I felt like we were just about to get our lives back on track when I qualify in summer and now I'm back to square 1. I realise that there are people who would do anything for a baby but I feel absolutely defeated by life today :(

Perriwinkle- I Don't know that the op has said she never wants a 3rd dc. Just that their current situation is not one that makes having a baby hard.

I find your insistance on vasectomy odd tbh. You know nothing about the reasons for op choosing condoms for contraception.

I think that, if a child was adopted and then found out its parents had been married, with 2 children already, the impact on that child would be awful.
One of my ex boyfriends was adopted, and he found it hard, even knowing that his mum, although only 19 when she had him, already had a child, and that that child was his full sibling.It literally has screwed his life up.
I think it would be better to never exist tbh. There are worse things than to never be.

Mike - I have reported.

MikeLitorisHasChristmasLights That's why I said "if the OP and her DH are both in agreement that they really don't want any more than 2 (or 3) children" they should sort themselves out with some reliable contraception.

Sorry but I think that people who rely on condoms should not be dismayed if they discover that they've failed, when they have such a reputation for doing so. The consequences of a condom's failure is no small deal.

LetsFaceThePresentsTheyrePants what's all this "Mike - I have reported"? Do you mean you've reported me?

Well I'm adopted and I'm glad that I exist . So are my Dh and my kids.

Yes. And because there are talk guidelines, I'm going to leave it to MNHQ to have a look.

Sorry if that wasn't clear, I just wanted to agree with the poster who pointed out that adoption is indeed an option for anyone who can't bring up their child. It's not easy of course. But there are no easily answers to an unwanted pregnancy, are there?
OP I hope you and your partner are able to work out the best plan for you all

Very sorry to hear you have this difficult decision to consider OP. Be kind to yourself and give yourself some time to let the news sink in and think this all through. I know when I found out I was pg with ds3 (in different but equally unpromising circumstances) I was in total shock to start with.

After a little time though we came to the right decision for us and have never regretted it. I hope you can find the right decision for you, whatever that may be.

LetsFaceThePresentsTheyrePants and do these Talk Guidelines say that you're not allowed to give people sensible advice? As far as I can see I haven't been abusive or offensive in any of the posts I've put up on this thread. I really can't see what your problem is.

YANBU

I felt the same way but decided it was a lucky twist of fate and a blessing although am completely ill equipped right now and in denial so you have my empathy.

Are you doing primary or secondary PGCE?
Will you be bottle breast or mixed feeding?

Only because it is a huge undertaking to a) complete the course and b) start a new job straight after giving birth

You could look for January 2014 jobs or maternity covers.
Supply is not great for NQTs and not stable esp since learning cover supervisors. But if you are finishing the course you need to do that NQT year sooner rather than later.

You would normally be applying for Sept jobs from next month?
albeit there's usually only a few ads in the tes before Spring.
Theoretically you could accept a post and change your mind later. Theoretically DH could do days with newborn til you come home then you do the nightshift and he picks up a few fares but then you will both be on 4 hours sleep and two jobs each.

Tis difficult. I wish you all the luck in the world and hope you come to a decision that is right for you. Certainly you would not be getting any judgy pants from me just wet ones as I have no bloody pelvic floor

Non mumsnetty hugs to you x

I just think there is a time and place for such comments peri. This is most definitely not it.

It seems a bit insensitive.

Im sure OP has enough on her mind without having to berate herself for her contraception choices.

Sorry to hear you are having such a hard time OP.

I truly believe that there is never a 'good' time for a baby. You are going through a tough time but there is no reason why you can't make things work.

How are you feeling?

Oh Perry
You would be unimpressed with the conception circumstances of all my three then...
has gruffalo worked out what's causing it yet!

Insert Oscar Wilde quote exchanging handbags for fanjos

Happy Christmas x

IMHO, people who are serious about not wanting to be pregnant do not rely on condoms for contraception

That is your own personal opinion. It's not true. I definitely do not, under any circumstances wish to be pregnant. We use condoms because I react very badly to hormonal contraceptives and didn't like the coil. The only reason that I have not been sterilised is because 5 years ago I thought I never wanted any children and I changed my mind about that so I want to keep my options open

hiya.
I went through a similar situation with DD2, crap financial situation, and just taken a new job. My instant thought was I just couldnt do it. However, after a couple of days of thinking and looking up about abortions... I found myself gradually talking myself out of it. I found myself wondering about how things could be etc.
The other posters are right, if you decide to continue with the pregnancy, you really will cope. Things have a way of sorting themselves out.

also, I am adopted, and my birth parents went on to have 2 more kids with about a 8 year age gap. when I found out it was weird, but now I just am happy for them. Being adopted at birth means my adoptive parents are my REAL parents

Perriwinkle as someone else has said recently - move along... nothing to see here.

Let MNHQ do their stuff and you've had your say so let the OP get the sensible and sensitive advice she needs from others now.

Goodnight.

also, I am really sorry you are going through this OP, hope you can come to a decision you and DP are both comfortable with x

MikeLitorisHasChristmasLights I have not berated anyone. I have simply pointed out that in future there might be a better, more reliable and effective way forward for the OP. One that I rely on and find very effective having used others in the past. What's wrong with sharing experiences? That's what this site is supposed to be about, or at least I thought so.

I also told the OP that if she decides to continue with her pregnancy she'll surely find a way through and won't regret it.

Having read the talk guidelines I'm not sure what you think I've fallen foul of.

You've made me feel awful now and it was never my intention to cause any offence whatsoever. I would most certainly express these views to anyone I met in real life.

actually forget the handbag (mummybrain) and DD1 wasn't a misfortune but all three were carelessness (Dons hardhat)
Do you think a vasectomy is a nice Xmas pressie for DH?

Well that's lovely but this thread is not about you.
I'm off to bed.
This OP is in a really difficult situation and you've had your say.
Let's both bow out - it's the kind thing to do.
Night!

I am incredulous that anyone would even bring adoption up as a viable option in this situation .

Op, I hope you find the strength to make the rought decision for you. Personally, reading of your circumstances, it sounds like an extremely diddicult situation in which to bring a baby.

D'oh -extremely difficult situation in which to have a baby.

All the best op.

I'm unexpectedly pg with dc4.

Had the initial "oh shit" reaction but I'm lucky in the sense we are already skint and it's never likely to improve much so will just carry on as normal.

I don't mean this to sound as terrible as it will but how would you feel if you miscarried tomorrow? Would it be a sad relief or would part of you grieve for what might have been?

Your answer may help you decide what to do next.

I'm so sorry. I was in exactly the same position earlier this year - unplanned pregnancy with DC3. I was 47 so, apart from the fact we couldn't afford to lose my wage, there was also all the implications my age meant - my health, baby's health, retirement with a still dependent child etc. Every which way we looked at it we couldn't find a financial solution. I know how gut wretchingly worrying it is. And especially so when if your finances were different you wouldn't hesitate to have another.

In the event nature took the decision out of my hands at 12 weeks. But although that solved the immediate "problem" it's been bloody hard (regardless of what anyone might think of having a child so late in life). Had that not happened even now I can't honestly say what I would have done - had already been to hospital twice for "discussions" and scans. I think sometimes there is no "right" answer but maybe one of the "wrong" answers is less wrong than the other if that makes sense ? Either way I feel for you so much as no-one can make a decision either way except you. I hope you can decide what's best for you and that either way it's not too hard - though that sounds trite I know.