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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed with my husband for getting involved in a domestic and calling police?

161 replies

quitepdoff · 06/10/2012 21:07

I feel so cross with my husband.
We have moved house and thank goodness only renting whilst we are looking for a place.
We have some unsavoury neighbours up the road, lots of domestics.

My husband works away and i do feel vunerable here with the kids.

Last night when he left for work he heard a domestic, said blood curdling screams and saw a woman being dragged out into the road.

He went over. Spoke to them, asked if the woman was ok etc. Then got abuse from her.

Called the police and told them he had done so.

I am furious with him.

I asked him not to get involved before. I understand the woman may have needed help but my arguement is to call the police from round the corner and not let them see you.

What if they had a knife? What if they dont like him or us now?

I feel scared now, am i just being silly?

p.s its the fact i asked him not to do this too, i feel he just doesnt listen to me

OP posts:
gordyslovesheep · 06/10/2012 21:08

by 'domestic' you mean a woman being abused - and you are angry that he didn't walk away ...and you want to know if yabu... guess!

PinkleWickers · 06/10/2012 21:10

Youre his wife not his boss, why on earth do you feel entitled to override his own personal choice?

So you would have done it different, he did what felt right for him.

Stop being a dictator.

BigFatLegsInWoolyTIghts · 06/10/2012 21:10

So they're "unsavoury" because she's being abused??

sausagesandwich34 · 06/10/2012 21:10

if you think he was wrong due to potential repercussions to you and your family then YANBU

it's really sad that people can't be good samaritans anymore without getting a load of abuse

FourEyesGold · 06/10/2012 21:11

YANBU for being worried about the effect it may have on your relationship with these neighbours, but YABVU for thinking it's OK to turn a blind eye to domestic violence. Good on your DH for wanting to do something about it - you should be proud of him (once you've finished being annoyed with him).

Ponyofdoom · 06/10/2012 21:11

I would have been cross if my husband HADN'T tried to stop someone being attacked.

AViewfromtheFridge · 06/10/2012 21:12

I can understand why you feel vulnerable, but I think he did completely the right thing.

If, in the future, there's another similar situation, she may come to him for help. Too many people turn a blind eye to this sort of thing. Imagine if, god forbid, you discovered in the morning that something terrible had happened to her, and you (or DH) hadn't intervened.

comedycentral · 06/10/2012 21:12

He acted on his instincts, don't be too hard on him.

WinklyFriedChicken · 06/10/2012 21:12

Yab utterly U. For all you know that woman could have been.killed but for him intervening. I hope you never find yourself in a position where you need help from a stranger.

OxfordBags · 06/10/2012 21:13

Am I getting this straight?! You would rather your DH turn a blind eye to another woman being abused, possibly even in danger for her life and then when he has the audacity to do what any normal, decent person would do and call the police, you are angry with him for not doing what you asked him to?! You think the problem here is him not listening to you or obeying you? Can you not see why he might think it was a situation worth overriding your wishes over? I get that you're worried about repercussions but he did the right thing and you should be proud of him, not angry that he went against your wishes.

WearingGreen · 06/10/2012 21:13

I would be worried but on the plus side you only have to worry that your neighbours might not like you, and it sounds like they have enough of their own problems to start giving a shit about you. If he had walked off then you would have to worry about being married to a heartless bastard who could walk by whilst someone was assaulted.

AllYoursBabooshka · 06/10/2012 21:13

Of course YABU.

Well done to your husband for having the balls to do something there and then.

Mumsyblouse · 06/10/2012 21:14

He probably felt compelled to run into the road when he saw this woman being dragged into it, I have also intervened in domestic scenes and sometimes there isn't time to cower behind the curtains and call the police, he obviously leapt out there in protective mode, and good for him. However, if it happens again, calling the police would be the better thing to do, if only because he won't be able to do anything, these people clearly have no boundaries.

I can understand you are a bit scared, though, it's horrid living next to this, it's all over the road constant drama/swearing/violence, it's awful.

diddl · 06/10/2012 21:14

Do you mean that you wish he had just called the police without them knowing?

JustFabulous · 06/10/2012 21:14

Silly isn't the word I would use for you.

Your husband saw someone being hurt and he called for help. HTF can you even think that was anything but the right thing to do?

AgentZigzag · 06/10/2012 21:15

Of course you're going to feel vulnerable having their attention drawn onto you, but you shouldn't be angry at your DH instinctively doing what he thought best. It was a decision he had to make in the blink of an eye, it's not possible to consider every consequence of what he was doing in that time.

It probably would have been better not to tell them, but maybe he didn't want the situation to escalate while waiting for the police?

Worry about them giving you shit when/if they start, and then just call the police yourself.

susiedaisy · 06/10/2012 21:15

Yabu to be upset that your husband stepped in to help a person being attacked! Although I can understand that you are worried about reprisals.

Loie159 · 06/10/2012 21:15

We had similar incident last night.... OP is not saying he should have walked away, she is saying she felt he put himself and indirectly the whole family by confronting this situation himself . I would have called police and if I were you speak to DH saying your glad he wants to help but sometimes you have to let the relevant authorities deal with it and not get personally involved. So YANBU to feel he didn't listen to you

WorraLiberty · 06/10/2012 21:15

Some strange threads tonight...

ivykaty44 · 06/10/2012 21:17

I think YANBU to walk around the corner and call the police is far better for his own safety, to antagonise the situation is silly.

For those of you saying she is BU why shouldn't she want t her dh to protect himself and call the police out of site?

Original poster
quitepdoff · 06/10/2012 21:18

Ok, thought i would get this sort of thing. The woman is as mouthy as the men., To be honest, its her mouthing off in the street more than the men. They live in a house as do drugs, drink and generally scream and shout at each other. We know all of this already.

She herself turned on my husband when he went to help her! Im sorry but why should he/we put ourselves at risk for people like that?

Then another woman and guy came out of the house and turned on my husband shouting at him..

Yes, genuine woman in bad situation of course i would want him to help but this is different.

OP posts:
slambang · 06/10/2012 21:18

He sounds like a good brave man. Thank god some people in this country will still stick up for people they see being vicitmised.

Let's hope you never need the help of a stranger who sees you being abused in the street and who just turns and walks away.
Hmm

MrsRhettButler · 06/10/2012 21:19

Yanbu

Meglet · 06/10/2012 21:21

yabu.

I did it once when a neighbour was getting grief from her partner. The police came and sorted it out. I couldn't care less if they hate me, I hope it made him buck his ideas up.

HecateLarpo · 06/10/2012 21:22

If I understand you correctly, you are not annoyed with your husband for calling the police, but for going over there and making it known that he was calling the police, because you fear they will attack you or your home for it?

you are not suggesting he should not have done anything.

I know the type of people you are attempting to describe. I grew up on an estate full of them. You are not being unreasonable.

He could have chosen to call the police without telling them he was doing so. It is a balance between doing something that can help someone in trouble and not doing something that is going to get your windows put through on a daily basis!