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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to loathe the phrase "our own little family"?

166 replies

OttillieRidiculous · 27/09/2012 21:34

They've started already. The ruddy Christmas threads. People wanting to spend Christmas with "our own little family" and sod the parents and ILs

Personally, I'd be devastated if DD didn't consider me part of her immediate family just because she'd married and had DC.

And those of you who only think of your DH/DP and your children as your "own little family" - do you think you'll be so blase about it when they've grown up and moved out of your home?

Come on now, be honest.

OP posts:
Chubfuddler · 27/09/2012 21:37

I think I will be a lot lot better behaved to my adult Dcs than my mother is to hers. That might help.

aldiwhore · 27/09/2012 21:38

Much as I hate the phrase 'my own little family' I also have my own family, that I've made with DH and don't always wish to bend to the whim of grandparents who want 'their own little family' christmas which usually involves the new younger family having to transport children and a tonne of gifts to the other end of the country at Christmas.

There are always two sides to this argument.

I love my parents (MIL has passed away, FIL always comes to us, he has alzheimers - BIL can't 'cope' - wanker) very VERY much indeed. If they wish to see us at Christmas, they are welcome to come to us, but we haven't room to put them up. Fortunately my parents understand completely so we have a second Christmas in the New Year with my parents (who rather like their own 'just the two of them' Christmas Day)

YABU.

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 27/09/2012 21:39

Yabu. There is nothing wrong with wanting to spend Christmas as a family of just parents and children. Different people have different family set ups and situations. Sometimes those don't include every Christmas with Grandparents.

wannabedomesticgoddess · 27/09/2012 21:39

MIL says this all the time. I swear it drives me batty.

fuzzpig · 27/09/2012 21:39

Well yes, I see me and DH and the DCs as a little family unit. But my parents were shit and so were his so we don't exactly have a normal view.

I certainly hope my DCs want us around when they've grown up but we are making an effort to actually be good parents so I reckon that might give us the edge Wink

Otheregos · 27/09/2012 21:40

My own little family would always include my mum and ILs (if hubby agreed to ILs) last Christmas Eve my mum stayed over night so she could see her first gs on his first Christmas morning and I also don't like the thought of my mum waking up on her own on Christmas Day ...we haven't decided what we are doing this year yet..it will spend what my mum is working and if she gets an alternate invite..I would never dream of leaving her out...I hope my ds feels the same way when he's older

reddaisy · 27/09/2012 21:40

YABU.

WorraLiberty · 27/09/2012 21:41

It's an open house here...parents, siblings and inlaws welcome...even if they have to budge up and sit on patio chairs Grin

But having seen some of the awful relationships some MN posters have with their parents, I can quite understand why they don't want to share Christmas day with them.

The only time the phrase "My own little family" makes me Hmm is when someone says it to exclude their DP's children from a previous relationship.

usualsuspect3 · 27/09/2012 21:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Nagoo · 27/09/2012 21:43

YABU.

And I know that my parents and ILs want to spend it in front of their own telly eating their own smoked salmon and getting pissed in their own house so they only have to stagger up stairs to their own bed.

Sociable lot, we are Grin

Born2bemild · 27/09/2012 21:45

I'd hate just us at Christmas. It would be like any old day. I love my own big, extended family, and will always be nice to DH's even though they are difficult. My parents will always be part of my immediate family.

nancy75 · 27/09/2012 21:45

Yanbu, my parents are a very important part of our family, dos less so because they live so far away

aldiwhore · 27/09/2012 21:46

When I was growing up we always had Christmas at home at Grandparents were always included, but we never went trekking anywhere.

If that's what you mean about inclusion I suppose YANBU. If you're unwelcome, that is pretty horrible.

If you expect your children and their children to travel miles to you, YABU.

I really believe the BEST place to do Christmas with children is at home. (I realise IABU as many friends have lovely Christmas holidays and their children are undamaged)

ArielThePiraticalMermaid · 27/09/2012 21:50

Ye, but on the other hand you may have to spend Christmases as we spend ours flitting from one side of the country to the other to try and avoid the tears and tantrums of my DM and MIL, and covering at least 1000 miles. Every single year. Without FAIL.

MissPricklePants · 27/09/2012 21:52

I spend Christmas with my dd and my parents (after dd has seen ex if he cba) I hate the term 'own little family' and have even had people say to me that I don't have my own family as it is just me and dd!

AThingInYourLife · 27/09/2012 21:55

I would never call my family "our own little family", but I do consider DH and our girls my closest family and my main priority.

My parents see it that way too, that's how they raised me: to grow up and start my own family.

I'm from a very close, very big extended family - it's made up of smaller family units.

TooMuchRain · 27/09/2012 21:55

YANBU. I find it bizarre that people talk about wanting to have a parents/children christmas while excluding their own parents (now relabeled 'the grandparents').

NowThenNowThen · 27/09/2012 21:57

Well, my "own little family" is just 2 people, so xmas is always with extended family, plus a jolly round ours on Boxing day with usually includes family friends, cousins, brother's latest girlfriend etc.
It's a shame when people get insular after they have children. My mother drive me mad, but that's what families do!
I know this is a very unfashionable view, but we do, imo, have a duty to our older relatives to include them in our lives.Especially at Xmas.

Original poster
OttillieRidiculous · 27/09/2012 21:59

I'd hate the thought of DH and me, putting on a brave face and opening gifts and -sniff, sniff - eating our Christmas dinner with just us and the dog whilst DD - sniff, sniff - is recreating our traditions with her "own little family". Wouldn't expect them to travel to us we'd be living next door anyway but would like to be involved

OP posts:
baskingseals · 27/09/2012 21:59

completely agree with aldi. i hate spending christmas with my in-laws. it is horrible on so many levels.

BizarreLoveTriangle · 27/09/2012 22:02

My parents are still very much part of my family, as I am for them. I would hate any of my daughters to grow up and decide I am not immediate family any more.

missymoomoomee · 27/09/2012 22:06

When I got married and had children I stopped going anywhere for xmas and stopped inviting anyone over.

To me they are my little family, and always will be.

When dc get married then their spouses and children will become their little family and, if I do my job right, then they will put them first. If for them that means having christmas by themselves then I would totally understand.

Noqontrol · 27/09/2012 22:07

Everyones different, but I couldn't imagine spending christmas day without my mum there. I like spending it with all my family. Luckily dh's family and dh aren't really bothered about spending christmas day together. I'd be gutted if I had to share christmas day with the inlaws instead of my mum.

AThingInYourLife · 27/09/2012 22:08

I can't imagine having Christmas at home and excluding anyone, especially not my parents or MIL, or any siblings.

But then I really like my family and having them around is fun.

WaitingForMe · 27/09/2012 22:08

I don't use the phrase but I consider the people I chose to live with to be my immediate family and everyone else to be varying forms of extension.

DM treats DH like a son and makes cups of tea, washes up and generally joins in family life when she comes to stay. MIL does not treat me like a daughter, makes up shit about me and needs waiting on when she visits. Two women, two very different attitudes and as a result two different levels of family intimacy. It's not a MIL/DIL issue IMO as my mum treats my brothers fiancée like a daughter and they are as close as DM and DH are.

DM is coming for Christmas (lives 3 hrs away), DSSs coming for lunch onwards and ILs (local) invited an hour after DSSs arrive and welcome to stay as late as they like. This is purely because MIL competes with DH for the kids' affection (which is pretty fucked up) and I want him to get to play with the stocking fillers with them.