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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to loathe the phrase "our own little family"?

166 replies

OttillieRidiculous · 27/09/2012 21:34

They've started already. The ruddy Christmas threads. People wanting to spend Christmas with "our own little family" and sod the parents and ILs

Personally, I'd be devastated if DD didn't consider me part of her immediate family just because she'd married and had DC.

And those of you who only think of your DH/DP and your children as your "own little family" - do you think you'll be so blase about it when they've grown up and moved out of your home?

Come on now, be honest.

OP posts:
AuntLucyInPeru · 28/09/2012 09:26

I love spending Christmas with my parents and my children and husband. I jut don't want to spend it IN THEIR HOUSE where mum gets overtired from trying to cook for England (no matter how much I try to stop her) and dad gets fractious with the children's noise (they're 2 And 5) by mid afternoon, and DH gets irritable at it being compulsory for everyone to be downstairs, showered and dressed by 8am every day. We nearly killed each other last year. This year I'm trying to book a hotel..

honeytea · 28/09/2012 09:29

it's not about being less "loyal" it's about being less precious about Christmas and faaaaahmileee.

My family is precious to me, all of my family.

For me it was about loyalty, my situation was not an easy one, both me and my brother were traveling home from different countries to be with our family. My mother actually said if you don't come and be with "our little family' for Christmas dinner dont bother coming home for Christmas.

My grandparents gave us a magical Christmas when we were small children and my mum was a single mum. Now we are grown up and interesting and not hard work she wants us all to herself for the short time we are home. So for me it was about loyalty.

IKilledIgglePiggle · 28/09/2012 09:34

I'm loving how it's the female part of the couple who likes to spend Christmas with her parents, fuck the in laws.

Should my sons reject me in favor of their DW DM at Christmas then I shall turn up sloshed on port and scream through their windows on Christmas eve, mascara running down my face, let's see how any future DIL likes them apples..........why don't you love meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

Acinonyx · 28/09/2012 09:38

I sometimes feel wistfully that it might be nice to have family around at Xmas. We are a small family of 3 with no other family on this continent (and wen we do see other family, it is in the summer). It feels as though there is this increasing social whirl leading up to about the 20th Dec then everyone just disappears until NY as they are busy seeing other family. I have romantic delusions notions of a noisy, big family Xmas - we managed something of the sort twice but I must say it didn't live up to expectations.

I think if you have family you can remotely enjoy seeing at Xmas you are lucky.

THETrills · 28/09/2012 09:44

Precious as in fussy and affected, not precious as in valued.

Gentleness · 28/09/2012 09:48

I hated the thought of not being with my parents and brothers in my hometown for Christmas before we got married and then still much preferred going to my parents rather than the ils but never really considered being on our own. But now we have 2 toddlers and have experienced the mayhem of shifting us all plus 20 peoples presents 200+ miles for 4 days of chaotic timings, loads of unappreciated presents (by the toddlers who are just overwhelmed) and a wk of exhaustion and toddler melt-downs afterwards. And that's just for one side of the family. Same again for the other side, 150 miles in the opposite direction. Now Christmas on our own, finding our own way of doing things, sounds like bliss!

When we were growing up, grandparents always came to us and things were done on mum and dad's terms. Why wouldn't the same pattern repeat?

MerryCosIWonaGold · 28/09/2012 09:49

I've never had Christmas with my own little family. And I don't think I ever did as a child either. One of my grandmothers was always there, or we went to hers...

Our Christmas tradition is for our kids to wake up in Gran and Grandad's house Grin and for me not have to cook Christmas dinner. We've never had Christmas at home (ds is nearly 7) and to be honest, I can't think of anything worse.

THETrills · 28/09/2012 09:51

You wouldn't like it, that's fine.

But do you think that other people are wrong to like it? Or do you accept that different people like different things?

ethelb · 28/09/2012 09:54

I think it depends how big your family is tbh.

I have two sisters and DP has a brother, and on some Christmases in the future when we all have 2-3 kids, it will be impossible for our parents to put us all up even in their fairly large homes.

Then I think I will enjoy the chance to have Christmas "with my own little family" as I won't have much of a choice!

irishbab · 28/09/2012 10:00

new to MN, what does it mean when a sentence has a line through it?

frumpet · 28/09/2012 10:03

I spend every christmas at my parents who live 5 minutes away , with DH and the children . I honestly feel i dont have a choice in the matter . Which is a bit pathetic at 41 . My mum likes us to go round for 11 , DH always fannys about so he is late , getting DS1 who is 18 up and out at that time is nigh on impossible and it ends up with me being really stressed . I do appreciate not having to cook though Wink

irishbab · 28/09/2012 10:04

oops , does it mean the poster does or does not want you to see it? confused?

SometimesLonely · 28/09/2012 10:15

I used to have family Christmases when I was a child (loved them) and, when I had my own, we would have ILs and/or DPs over at our place. Now I am not looking forward to what so far will be my first Christmas with no one else. Earlier this month, a friend asked what I was doing for Christmas and my reply was that I thought it was too early to think about that. Now, however, I wish I'd said that I had nothing planned just in case she was thinking of inviting me.

No one else has mentioned anything ...... so ........... I shall probably have a salad at lunchtime and a normal evening meal (something on toast perhaps). Imagine sitting in front of the television by oneself wearing a paper hat and holding a bottle glass of wine.

Goldenjubilee10 · 28/09/2012 10:24

sometimesLonely god you've got me in tears again. You do make me feel really lucky though.

Could you decide what you would like to do and get others to join in.

GoldenHandshake · 28/09/2012 10:25

OP YABU.

It aggravates me no end that IL's and parents expect their adult children to prioritise them over their children at Christmas, and want everyoen to kow tow to them.

My IL's won't move their arses out of their home during the Christmas period, instead expecting everyone to flock to them year in year out, kids and presents in tow. My Dad is the same, the only one who will go out of their way to visit anyone else is my Mum.

The straw that broke the camels back was having to sit through two Christmas dinners as someone always gets 'upset' throws a wobbler if we choose to have Christmas dinner anywhere other than their house, despite the fact there are actually three sets of parents between the two of us (IL's, Dad & wife and then my Mum).

We took the stance two years ago that we were done with the endless trips to see relatives, we now only allocate Boxing day as a visiting day and the morning of Christmas eve, Christmas eve night and Christmas day are spent at home so DC can play with new toys, we can all eat copious amoutns of food and relax, visitors are welcome, but I refuse to haul us all over the place when no one else wants to change their routines and traditions.

I hope to high heaven that I am alot more understanding of the fact my DC's have their own lives, and yes 'own family units' consisting of partners and children when I am in my dotage, and not try to guilt trip them over the festive period year in year out.

schoolchauffeur · 28/09/2012 10:28

I'm neutral about the phrase, but resent the implication from some posters on here that because I from time to time want "just my little family" that somehow that means that DH and I have decided that our parents are "no longer part of our immediate family"!

We live over 500 miles away from our families ( and they are a 2 hour drive away from each other) and for one thing every year the weather or potential weather issues are a nightmare to plan for, parents house sizes mean we can't all be put up realistically for more than a night in any of them, my DB has a job which means he has to work up to lunch time on Christmas Eve every year and be back in work on 28th so he can't travel anywhere and he is single. So realistically, every year we cannot be with all of them!

We have had great Christmases with both sets of parents, staying at theirs ( before they downsized) and them visiting here- each year now we take on its own merits- based on who is available, not going elsewhere, health etc
Last year we elected to have Christmas and Boxing Day just us and it was "not just like any other day"- we have our own special traditions which are a mix up of things we each did in our own families and a few our kids have added! Our DCs are teenagers and it is one of the few times of the year when we spend about 18 full hours in each others company, eating, laughing, talking, playing games watching telly- no one goes out, no one sits glued to Facebook and the phone doesn't ring- other than Christmas greetings!

Both my parents and DH parents have supported our decisions and enjoyed seeing us either in the weeks leading up to Christmas or over New year.

honeytea · 28/09/2012 10:32

I don't think it is fussy and effected to want to spend Christmas with my grandparents.

JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar · 28/09/2012 10:50

irishbab it generally means what you're thinking, as opposed to what you think you should say, if you know what I mean. Or the reality as opposed to the actuality.

For example: "tonight, it is quite likely that I will get pissed have a civilised glass of wine."

NumericalMum · 28/09/2012 10:51

My DM and not so DMil are both big children and if one plans on coming to us (in a whole other country) then the other books insrantly. Although to be fair it is usually my DM who books first. As a result of their childishness we can never go back to spend Christmas with my greater family (Aunts, Uncles etc) as I loved as a child as Mil would throw her toys so until DC was born we had lonely Christmases with just DBil. This year we are having EVERYONE. My DSis's inlaws lie nearby and are very possessive of their DSs so he has to alternate and they won't join us but we will be hosting the inlaws, my parents, DSis and her boyfriend and DBil and his family. I can't wait and was wondering if it is too early to make my Christmas cake this weekend...

Redknickerswillstoptrains · 28/09/2012 11:05

My parents have passed away,my Fil goes to my SIL.So my family is my husband and children,when people talk about their xmas plans with family it makes me a bit envious,I love our family Christmas but miss Mum and Dad.

gotthemoononastick · 28/09/2012 11:19

Just love Igglepiggle and would love to be a fly on their wall!

wineandroses · 28/09/2012 11:23

IKilledIgglePiggleGrin hilarious, especially the mascara.

RightsaidFreud · 28/09/2012 11:29

I think it's important to rememeber that our parents won't be around forever. I've felt this recently as my dad, who's in his 50s, has not been too well. I've spent the past 2 christmas at home, just me and DP as we wanted to have our own time together in our new house, just us. I think this christmas might be a bit different.

Jdub · 28/09/2012 11:45

my ILS are a complete nightmare (even OH agrees) However, he is an only child- damn!! Still - it's just one day.......

WitchOfORANGEdor · 28/09/2012 12:19

Sorry Op but I think YABU and I hope that your DD doesn't grow up to feel the pressure of you 'sniff, sniff' opening your presents with your DH if all she really wants is to sit in her own house and relax over Christmas with her DH and DCs instead of having visitors or humphing the DCs the length of the country because of your expectations. And I know you think that she will live next door, but my DM assumed I would too and I'm 300 miles away with no wish to humph DS, DH and dog the length of the country in terrible weather.

I don't mean to sound harsh but unless your DD agrees that she wants to spend every Christmas with you, the 'sniff, sniff' poor me tack will wear very thin, very quickly.