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AIBU?

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Original poster

is DH being controlling? he doesn't want me to wear fancy dress on a mates birthday night out

210 replies

WoodlandHills · 04/09/2012 19:25

He doesn't much like my friend anyway, as he deems her to be "chavvy" and "tarty" Hmm
He also implies she is a bad influence on me (again, ffs, I'm a grown woman) as she is in quite a bad relationship (in fact she is one of the friends I was talking about in my last thread re men who don't do childcare, if anyone read it) so she is flirty when she is out and likes to get mens attention. Which, while that is not my thing, I think is totally up to her, its not my place to judge. Although fwiw I have said to her if she wants flirt with other men she would be better off ending her present relationship. I wish I hadn't told DH stuff about her as this just gives him more ammo to dislike her :(

Anyway she turns 30 soon and is organising a night out just her female mates. She wants us all to wear fancy dress and go clubbing. Which tbh I thought will be good, cheesy fun. Me and her are going as sexy policewomen (sorry sorry Blush ) and we both bought our outfits at the weekend online.

I mentioned this to DH today and he really got the MASSIVE arse, saying it was "disrespectful" to our OHs to go out "dressed like slappers" and saying men will be perving over us, etc, etc, anyway the upshot is he REALLY doesn't want me to wear the outfit.

This is being controlling, right? Or not? What would other peoples OHs think if they were in that situation? What should I do? She is quite a new-ish friend and I really like her and I really want to go on this night out :(

OP posts:
TyrannoWearsGoldKnickers · 04/09/2012 19:29

If DH told me I was disrespecting him by dressing how I saw fit and then described me as looking like a 'slapper' I'd be wondering what the feck I'd married. Fair dos if he doesn't like the sexy policewoman look (shrieking women in fancy dress aren't to everyone's taste) but to have a whinge because other men will 'perve' over you makes him sound like a petulant, jealous 15 year old.

RuleBritannia · 04/09/2012 19:31

It's a women's night out so his opinion does not count. Perhaps he doesn't want you to go at all so is looking for a reason to persuade you not to?

MissKeithLemon · 04/09/2012 19:31

It'd be seen as controlling behaviour by me to be honest Sad

Its only fancy dress. You are not expecting him to dress up ffs.

But how is your relationship otherwise? Is this a one off problem he has with this particular friend? Would he be ok if you dressed up and went out with other friends that he approves of?

karatekimmi · 04/09/2012 19:32

He's entitled to his opinion and has voiced it, so now it's up to you. I assume you have as much chance to flirt with other men if you weren't in fancy dress, so if you want to wear it, then do so. Reassure him you aren't interested in anyone else, but being told what you can and can't wear on a night out is not on!!

Have fun! ( FYI I can't think of anything worse, but whatever floats your boat!! And I can feel middle age approaching!)

chandellina · 04/09/2012 19:33

If you dress as a sexy policewoman you will get pervy attention that could hurt your partner so you are sort of being unreasonable.

reddaisy · 04/09/2012 19:35

My DP would probably raise an eyebrow if I was going out in fancy dress. Partially because it isn't very me and partly because of the image it would project and the attention seeking element of it. But he would not try to stop me going out or wearing it.

LemarchandsBox · 04/09/2012 19:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BackforGood · 04/09/2012 19:39

I don't think it's controlling. He's offering you the opinion of some men when they meet people dressed like this. He doesn't want other men thinking about his wife like this. Sounds to me like he cares. I can't think why you would want to go out dressed like that, with someone you know is going to be flirting all night, tbh.

TyrannoWearsGoldKnickers · 04/09/2012 19:39

How could someone else's 'pervy attention' hurt the spouse or partner of the person in question? The only thing that would hurt, surely, would be if the op recipricated it. Which she's no more or less likely to do dressed as a 'slapper' than if she were in a t-shirt and jeans.

complexnumber · 04/09/2012 19:39

I'm not sure. If a bunch of you are going out dressed in flirty stuff, then you are going to attract attention.

Maybe your DH just feels very uncomfortable with this, especially given your friends form.

I don't think he should try to control you, but you need to see his concerns are valid.

ihearsounds · 04/09/2012 19:40

It's your body and if you want to dress however you want it is entirely up to you. Would you let him tell you how to dress otherwise?
How would he react if you started telling him what to wear?

Some blokes, regardless of what you wear are going to look, doesn't mean a thing. Not like they are going to touch.

wineandroses · 04/09/2012 19:42

Oh good grief, some of the opinions on here are as bad as your husband's. Sounds like he doesn't trust you. If he denies that then what on earth is his problem? So what if you want to dress up in fancy dress and men look at you? Doesn't mean anything untoward is going to happen...unless of course he doesn't trust you to stop yourself from falling at the feet of leering men...what a dope.

complexnumber · 04/09/2012 19:44

"How could someone else's 'pervy attention' hurt the spouse or partner of the person in question? The only thing that would hurt, surely, would be if the op recipricated it. Which she's no more or less likely to do dressed as a 'slapper' than if she were in a t-shirt and jeans. "

That's bollocks! Everyone knows that you let your inhibitions down a bit when you are partying in fancy dress after a couple of drinks.

(That's no to say OP would do that)

LemarchandsBox · 04/09/2012 19:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Numberlock · 04/09/2012 19:49

I agree it will be good cheesy fun. Me and my girlfriends always attract attention on our nights out and we don't do fancy dress. We always show our partners/boyfriends/husbands any photos (nothing untoward but we chat to men who are in some of the pics) and they are always glad we've had a great time and laugh at the outfits of the stag groups we've got chatting to etc. Never any suspicious comments from OHs.

If we were going to cheat we could do it anywhere.

In my experience, it's the suspicious partners that are the ones to watch anyway...

He really does not like this girl does he.

FryOneFatManic · 04/09/2012 19:50

complexnumer despite your brackets and disclaimer, you do seem to be implying that anyone in fancy dress would automatically 'lose their inhibitions' after a couple of drinks.

That's the real rubbish. I've been on several fancy dress dos, had drinks, a laugh and didn't get off with anyone despite being offered plenty. And my DP trusts me, so he would never be 'hurt' by any pervy attention I received. He would only be hurt if I had actually taken up some of the offers I received.

Numberlock · 04/09/2012 19:51

PS. Have a bloody good time and refuse to give any details about what went on Smile

maras2 · 04/09/2012 19:52

He's not you dad, tell him to do one.Cheeky sod.

TyrannoWearsGoldKnickers · 04/09/2012 19:52

Everyone knows that you let your inhibitions down a bit when you are partying in fancy dress after a couple of drinks

Oh God! Shock Does everyone know this? Really?

I had no idea that people's values, morals and behaviours were so drastically altered by the donning of fancy dress.

Scrap what I said op, don't do it, you'll definitely end up shagging someone else.

wineandroses · 04/09/2012 19:52

complex are you for real? In what world does fancy dress and a couple of drinks make you succumb to the attentions of leering blokes? Are you incredibly weak willed and untrustworthy yourself then? Doesn't mean the rest of us are - in fact some people, both women and men, can party through the night in fancy dress, get pretty well blotto and still not try to get off with randoms. Amazing isn't it?

NurseBernard · 04/09/2012 19:54

"(That's no to say OP would do that)"

So it's not bollocks then? Grin

MannyFagnet48 · 04/09/2012 19:55

YABU

You're going with a friend who flirts with other men when she is married and you are both dressed as a 'sexy policewoman' you're asking for guys attention if you are going out dressed that way.

I'm 20 and I couldn't think of anything worse.

There are other things to wear rather than looking like a stripper and attracting the attention an 18 year old goes clubbing to attract.

FryOneFatManic · 04/09/2012 19:56

I think the key issue is that DP trusts me, so he's not bothered by any random perve.

So, does the OP's DH trust her, cos it seems he doesn't.

AnnTeak · 04/09/2012 19:58

My DP would not be happy at all if I went out dressed like that, unless it was with him. I'm not sure if it's BU or not...

MrsCampbellBlack · 04/09/2012 19:59

Well is he controlling in other areas?

Because my DH would probably go Hmm too and he is the opposite of controlling but he'd just think it was rather odd of me to want to dress up like that.

He has no problem at all with me dressing up to go out I think its just the 'sexy policewoman' thing that seems a bit umm sad to me.

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