is DH being controlling? he doesn't want me to wear fancy dress on a mates birthday night out

[WoodlandHills]

He doesn't much like my friend anyway, as he deems her to be "chavvy" and "tarty"
He also implies she is a bad influence on me (again, ffs, I'm a grown woman) as she is in quite a bad relationship (in fact she is one of the friends I was talking about in my last thread re men who don't do childcare, if anyone read it) so she is flirty when she is out and likes to get mens attention. Which, while that is not my thing, I think is totally up to her, its not my place to judge. Although fwiw I have said to her if she wants flirt with other men she would be better off ending her present relationship. I wish I hadn't told DH stuff about her as this just gives him more ammo to dislike her :(

Anyway she turns 30 soon and is organising a night out just her female mates. She wants us all to wear fancy dress and go clubbing. Which tbh I thought will be good, cheesy fun. Me and her are going as sexy policewomen (sorry sorry ) and we both bought our outfits at the weekend online.

I mentioned this to DH today and he really got the MASSIVE arse, saying it was "disrespectful" to our OHs to go out "dressed like slappers" and saying men will be perving over us, etc, etc, anyway the upshot is he REALLY doesn't want me to wear the outfit.

This is being controlling, right? Or not? What would other peoples OHs think if they were in that situation? What should I do? She is quite a new-ish friend and I really like her and I really want to go on this night out :(

Thats a bit cryptic! How is it sorted? Is DH mollified or are you going out in a crinoline gown?! Tell!

Come on OP, don't leave us hanging! what does "sorted it" mean?
You have explained to DH that his "disrespect" thing is arsey and controlling, and he has taken your point and apologised? Your friend has changed her mind and you're now going out dressed in chain mail? You've invited your DPs along? You're getting a divorce?

Yes I want to know too. It's an intriguing thread. After just reading all of it for some reason I can't get Benny Hill out of my head. . I don't know whether to cringe or laugh. Or throw it to the Feminism lot.

So, OP, you CAN'T leave us hanging, you just can't!

ha ha, sorry, should have explained more last night, I came on the thread to tell you all what happened, but I was tired and CBA basically

I spoke to DH and told him I was really upset at the words he used, ie, how he described my friend, the "disrespect" thing, and that I felt torn between him and my friend in a way. So we had a really long chat and he apologised. He felt really bad that I was so upset and has taken my points on board. I spoke to my mum and some RL friends and they have all said they can see both sides and also that the outfit is horrible :o

soooooo I'm still going out but I am not comfortable wearing THAT outfit. If I'm honest with myself, I never was, especially after this thread and speaking to RL friends. I haven't decided exactly what I am going to wear yet but I am still going to try and fit in with the theme a bit but not go OTT.

Thanks OP - that all seems lovely. I'd have been cross if you'd backed down without him apologising for being an arse, but since he has all's well.

That sounds like a good outcome all round, Woodland, glad you managed to get it sorted out. :) And hope you have a good night out, in something you're more comfortable in yourself!

Excellent, glad you got it sorted (and that your DH is not actually an arse!)

My gut reaction is that you are a grown woman and should wear whatever you damn well please. TBH I would hazard a guess that it's more the combination of fancy dress and who you are going out with that has riled your DH.

I can't imagine how my DH would be about something like this (not likely to have to worry about it as I really don't have the figure for sexy policewomen outfits!). He doesn't like a lot of what I wear anyway but I just point out that it's not him having to wear it so tough luck.

I don't think he'd be thrilled if we were in your situation, but I don't think dare to object too much either!

That's great :) thanks for updating!

I knew he sounded like a good 'un! Sounds like my husband actually. In this situation he would never tell me NOT to do something but would instead just voice his opinion in a reasonable way. And then it's up to me to reflect and decide if yes, he actually does have a point. Usually we're on the same page to start with anyway, but there's been the odd occasion where we've agreed to differ but if he was REEEEEEAALLY upset about something and he wasn't on his own in his opinion after asking around friends etc about what they think, I would simply not do it. Not because I'm some kind of "surrendered wife" before anyone starts but because I treat other people with respect and that includes respecting their feelings.

I don't get this "I bloody well will do what I like" attitude that some have voiced on here. Marriage is all about listening, reflecting, communication and compromising and that sounds like exactly what you've done, OP! Sounds like you have a nice healthy relationship.

Enjoy your night out and you realise that you have to post a link to the outfit you do actually decide on! For giggling purposes!