Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it is perfect reasonable to ask in-laws to stay in a hotel over christmas

223 replies

angelicstar · 27/08/2012 10:44

We have a 3 bed house with 2 kids and me and DH so obviously all the bedrooms are taken. We are going to ask the in-laws down for 2 nights over xmas and I have suggested to DH that they stay in a hotel which we will pay for. The hotel is in a nice area 5 mins walk from our house and is a perfectly nice hotel so its not hardship for them.

I think it will be much easier this way as we won't have to shuffle around the rooms (me and DCs are not great sleepers anywayso changing rooms will not help) and it will also give me my own space away from the in-laws (we don't get on that well). Hosting Christmas is hard enough as it is without unwanted overnight guests! If I am less stressed then everyone will be less stressed and getting a break from being a hostess overnight will make things alot easier for me.

However DH seems to think this is a bit unreasonable though and feels that we should put them up as it is "the least we can do". I also suspect that the in-laws might not be too happy as when I have tried to encourage them to stay in a hotel before they have resisted - but I just don't see what the problem is.AIBU??

OP posts:
ThreeWheelsGood · 27/08/2012 10:46

For the sake of just two nights, can't your kids share a room and the in laws have one of their rooms? If they're staying, get them to help with food prep etc. YABU.

Trills · 27/08/2012 10:47

The problem is that they will feel you are asking them to stay somewhere other than your house because you don't get on that well.

Which is true.

If you got on well with them then 2 children sharing a room for a couple of nights would not be a big deal. They won't be in their usual sleep routines anyway on Christmas Eve/ Christmas Day.

By offering to pay for the hotel you are saying "I would rather pay £200 than have you stay in my house".

onedev · 27/08/2012 10:47

If you're paying for the hotel, then I don't understand the issue? The hotel sounds ideal (presumably its a decent hotel, clean etc) given its a short walk & having an overcrowded house with no space is a sure way to increase tensions!

If you'd invited them & then said they had to pay for the hotel themselves, then that would be unfair really, but how you've described it sounds fine to me.

PenisVanLesbian · 27/08/2012 10:48

YABU.
Put two children in one room, have your inlaws to stay. You are being horribly inhospitable.

Alliwantisaroomsomewhere · 27/08/2012 10:49

YABU. For sake of two nights, have them at yours. I am sure they would love to wake up on Xmas morning and see all of you straight away rather than have to mission around getting from the hotel to you.

charlottehere · 27/08/2012 10:50

YANBU I wouldnt pay for the hotel

pictish · 27/08/2012 10:50

No yanbu.
If I were your in-laws I'd far rather stay in a nearby hotel. It affords them privacy and a break from the mentalness that is Christmas with kiddies. Especially if you're paying!!

From my own pov, I actually rather dislike having houseguests. It's all so 'up to here' with noise and overcrowding, and the strain of having to be bright and amenable at all times...urgh...I only put people up if I have to. If I could afford to pay for a hotel for houseguests I bloody well would! No question.

I do not understand why anyone would choose to be crammed into each other's faces for days on end, if the funds are available for it to be that good bit easier.

I'm totally with you!

pigletmania · 27/08/2012 10:52

Totally fine as you are paying for it and it's not very far. I would rather go to a nice quiet hotel than be cramped in a kiddies room. Can't believe the number of yabu you are getting

honeytea · 27/08/2012 10:52

I think you should put the kids in a room together and buy yourself a treat with the spare 200 pounds that would have gone on the hotel.

Living with kids even just for a couple of days is really special.

janey68 · 27/08/2012 10:54

I think you either invite them and have them at your house, or just don't invite them and let them do their own thing.
I can't abide the way some families seem to feel they have to force a big extended family gathering for Christmas, with people they don't particularly get on with. It's no joy for anybody.
Either have them to stay or don't.
Personally however nice it is, the last place I would want to be waking on Christmas morning is a hotel room. It's also not right if your in laws feel pressured into accepting because youre offering to pay. It really comes across as you just not really wanting them around

JumpingThroughMoreHoops · 27/08/2012 10:54

Who wants to wake up Christmas morning in a soul-less Travelodge?

Hulababy · 27/08/2012 10:55

I would give them the option - hotel (you paying) or having one of the DC's room - and your DCs being in together for 2 nights.

It does seem like you don't want them really otherwise so I can see why they might be a bit Hmm especially over Christmas.

Pseudo341 · 27/08/2012 10:55

Depends on the size of your house and age and gender of DCs. If it's a really pokey 3 bed with opposite sex teenage DCs then I'd say you're not BU because it's just not practical. Otherwise if bedrooms are big enough to sleep two and you have young kids or older but same sex who can share a room for a couple of nights then I think you should shuffle round to make room. Actually with older teenage DC if there's room for an airbed downstairs for the inlaws then that's a good option too. By asking them to stay in a hotel you're basically saying they're not welcome in your house, if I was your inlaws I'd be insulted.

Original poster
angelicstar · 27/08/2012 10:57

Thanks for the replies

Just to clarify the hotel is 5 mins walk away so its not hassle to get here. Also although it is nice to wake up to the children on xmas morning it might not be so good to wake at 6am with my son screaming!!

Also I find that I will be more hospitable if I get that bit of a break from them as I can be fresh again. I do like having guests but I find that with overnight stays you can't really let your hostess mask slip and that is tiring!

And they are not really the type who would take the kids to the park or help out. They prefer to sit and be served Angry

OP posts:
PenisVanLesbian · 27/08/2012 10:57

why can't opposite gender teens share a room for two nights?

Mintyy · 27/08/2012 10:57

This is a christmas question and should be in the christmas topic.

LadyBeagleEyes · 27/08/2012 10:58

A hotel paid for 5 minutes walk away?
I'd jump at the chance.
Much as I love seeing extended family, just being able to go back to peace and quiet would be brilliant.
I really don't see the problem.

JumpingThroughMoreHoops · 27/08/2012 10:58

Bit sad for your DH - his parents being forced into hotel. Would be nice for the DCs to have GPs there at the crack of a sparrows fart present opening time

Tee2072 · 27/08/2012 10:58

The only reason I ever ask my inlaws to stay in a hotel is if we are full up, i.e. every bedroom is being used. I only have one child and a 3 bedroom house so it only happens if they come to visit all together (PIL and SIL and her family) or my parents are here (they come from America).

If it's easy enough to put children together in one room for 2 nights, I would do that.

PenisVanLesbian · 27/08/2012 10:58

Ah, so its one of those: AIBU? YABU. I am not! ones.

Pseudo341 · 27/08/2012 10:58

Because they might feel uncomfortable with it, depends on the teenagers

ifiwasarichwoman · 27/08/2012 10:58

Yabu - my mum is staying Christmas eve so she can experience theagic of Christmas with the DCs.

She could just drive home.

pictish · 27/08/2012 10:59

God I would love to wake up on Christmas morning in a hotel room! Particularly if I had a day with my grandchildren to look forward to. Breakfast and leisurely shower in peace and space before the medness begins. What bliss!

PenisVanLesbian · 27/08/2012 10:59

If they are very odd teenagers, maybe.

Eggrules · 27/08/2012 10:59

I would rather ils stay in a hotel but for the sake of two nights I would ask them to stay and shuffle the bedrooms around.