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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it is perfect reasonable to ask in-laws to stay in a hotel over christmas

223 replies

angelicstar · 27/08/2012 10:44

We have a 3 bed house with 2 kids and me and DH so obviously all the bedrooms are taken. We are going to ask the in-laws down for 2 nights over xmas and I have suggested to DH that they stay in a hotel which we will pay for. The hotel is in a nice area 5 mins walk from our house and is a perfectly nice hotel so its not hardship for them.

I think it will be much easier this way as we won't have to shuffle around the rooms (me and DCs are not great sleepers anywayso changing rooms will not help) and it will also give me my own space away from the in-laws (we don't get on that well). Hosting Christmas is hard enough as it is without unwanted overnight guests! If I am less stressed then everyone will be less stressed and getting a break from being a hostess overnight will make things alot easier for me.

However DH seems to think this is a bit unreasonable though and feels that we should put them up as it is "the least we can do". I also suspect that the in-laws might not be too happy as when I have tried to encourage them to stay in a hotel before they have resisted - but I just don't see what the problem is.AIBU??

OP posts:
DontmindifIdo · 27/08/2012 18:11

OP - do you actually have a spare guest bed in one of your DCs rooms, or would they be one sleeping in a DC's single bed, the other on the floor and then your DCs sharing?

We are about to move DS into our 'big' spare room, and will be getting rid of the double bed in there, so if anyone stays over, if they are happy with just a single bed, then DS could camp on our floor and they could have that, but a couple would be offered an airbed in that room, or on the living room floor., keeping DS in his bed. I'm also reluctant to give up my bed. (We are helped that PIL live a 25 min drive away, my parents live 1.5hour drive away, but at Christmas would go home rather than stay).

What would the bedding option be for them? If it was an option of sleeping on the floor or a hotel, you could present this to them as caring about their sleep - "PIL, we've been discussing it and as we don't have a guest room, would you rather sleep on an airbed in the living room/DC's room or we would be happy to pay for a room at X hotel, it's less than a 5 minute walk so you can be with us for the whole day, except you don't have to have the 6am wake up call!" most people would take that as a positive option.

YouOldSlag · 27/08/2012 18:17

We just say "Now the kids are both in a bed in their own room, we don't have a spare room for guests. This covers ALL family on both sides, so don't take it personally"

shrimponastick · 27/08/2012 18:22

I have been mulling this one over all day - and shared it with my Dsis, Ds and DH. All (except DS who said I should mind my own business!) said that the hotel option sounds fine.

I still don't get it - the being cramped into one house for two/three days with no reprieve idea.

We are going to visit friends this weekend - just me and DH - and we have booked a hotel. They live in a quite expensive town, so the hotels aren't particularly cheap, but I wouldn't dream of imposing on anyone. We shall visit their home whilst their for dinner etc, but in a house with small DC houseguests must be v intrusive.

So OP - I stilll say YANBU.

DappyHays · 27/08/2012 18:27

I didn't get on with my MIL when she was alive. I insisted PILs went to a hotel when they visited. I was chuffed that I could do that when DD was born and we no longer had a guest room.

MIL was dead by the time we moved to a bigger house and FIL is welcome any time.

YANBU

LadyBeagleEyes · 27/08/2012 18:27

But why would you bother with all the upheaval and a guaranteed sleepless night for either children, or the parents, with everyone exhausted in the morning rather than have the ils' in a hotel 5 minutes away?
I really do not get the problem.

expatinscotland · 27/08/2012 18:29

YANBU.

DontmindifIdo · 27/08/2012 18:30

of course there's another solution, that is that you and DH go to stay at the hotel a 5 minute walk away, let them do the night wakings, the early morning wake up and you enjoy a undisterbed night sleep, followed bylong lie in and hearty breakfast...

youonlysingwhenyourewinning · 27/08/2012 18:30

Some of my most cherished memories of Christmas as a child involved my grandmother (dad's mum) staying at our house.
I stayed in my big sisters bedroom and my grandmother had my bedroom.

We loved her staying and missed her hugely when she went home again.

I do think it could sound as though you don't want your in-laws around and think it would be best to talk to them about it and give them the choice.
Christmas is chaotic and noisy and stressful at the best of times, but it is a time for family and being-together - if this means people are put-out a little bit, then surely you can all just get on with it for the sake of Christmas?

If your il's are happy in the hotel, then great! If not, it won't hurt to muddle on, you might find you enjoy it Smile

BelleDameSansMerci · 27/08/2012 18:35

I think it's rude to ask people to visit and then ask them to stay in a hotel if you have room - which you do, really.

They are your family albeit by marriage. Do you really have to keep the hostess "mask" on?

motherinferior · 27/08/2012 18:39

Me, I think YANBU. But then I find the idea of a claustrophobic family Christmas quite horrible to contemplate.

What I really don't get, though, is quite why you are the one who'd be waiting on them. Your DH, presumably, is perfectly functional. So if he wants them, why isn't he cooking and pouring drinks and so on?

LadyBeagleEyes · 27/08/2012 18:43

Oh well, should I ever be a MIL can I just put it in writing here to my ds17, please, please will you pay for a hotel for me should I ever be invited for Christmas?
I'll be an old fogey by then, and much as I will adore your wife and children, I'd rather be there than a sofa bed in the kids room.
And I promise to help out all day after I've had a lovely sleep.
Thank you.

heroutdoors · 27/08/2012 18:46

Oh, well
" No room at the inn ", how very apt. LOL

EndoplasmicReticulum · 27/08/2012 18:51

My in-laws like staying in hotels. This is because they enjoy a comfy bed and a lie in. We have an uncomfy sofa bed in the living room, and children who get up early.

YANBU.

EndoplasmicReticulum · 27/08/2012 18:52

And yes, LadyBeagle, when or if I am a MIL - it will be hotels all the way for me!

DontmindifIdo · 27/08/2012 18:57

Genuine question - do a lot of you who don't have guest rooms, have double beds for your DCs? Because once we move DS into what is currently our guest room, we'll be getting rid of that double bed and until he's a lot older, we'd only put a single bed in his room so he has space to play.

Even if DCs share or sleep in their parent's room, that still only leaves one single bed for grandparents, unless one grandparent has died, that still leaves one grandparent without a bed having to camp in that room/sleep on the sofa.

Given our situation (with family not that far away so not needing to stay over) we didn't think it was an issue. (can't afford a guest room anyway)

expatinscotland · 27/08/2012 19:01

I can't abide guests who expected to be waited on hand and foot, either. That's what hotels are for. If they wish to be treated like they're in a hotel, they can go stay in one.

Downandoutnumbered · 27/08/2012 19:06

YANBU. How would your DH react if you said it was fine for his parents to come and stay, but he had to take all responsibility for hosting Christmas (sorting bedlinen and towels, reorganising rooms, doing all the cooking etc) while you made the odd cup of tea and looked after the DC? I suspect not well... If he's not prepared to do that, you get the final say on who stays in your house, especially if sleep is an issue generally anyway and you're up at night with DC2.

YouOldSlag · 27/08/2012 19:24

Downandoutnumbered- that is exactly how I feel. Well put.

Calabria · 27/08/2012 19:35

YANBU

My ex and I used to sleep in the living room when visiting his sister in her tiny two bedroom house. Her two kids did their best to be quiet when they came down in the morning but being children they weren't very successful.

Then they built an extension so the kids had a room each. So when we visited they doubled up and we slept in one of their rooms. Ex in the bed and me on an air bed, me being 14 years younger than him and him having a dodgy leg.

Once the boys became teenagers their bedrooms were very stinky and very messy. So ex and I started staying an a lovely B&B nearby. Happy us with space, a comfy bed and privacy, happy teenagers not being evicted and made to share, happy parents not having to make breakfast for us.

My in-laws always stay in a hotel when they visit, even if it's a Christmas visit.

Londonista1975 · 27/08/2012 19:43

Again, people are forgetting that the in-laws want to stay with the OP as does her DH. Sorry but I feel the OP is being selfish. It's two bloody days.

Downandoutnumbered · 27/08/2012 19:45

Why is the OP being selfish but her DH being reasonable, given that OP has said she'll be doing the bulk of the work, not him, and ILs don't help out (and OP is still having disturbed nights with her younger child so is starting off knackered)? I'm not keen on binding burdens for other people to carry: if the DH was prepared to do the work, or the ILs mucked in, that would be a rather different story.

Londonista1975 · 27/08/2012 19:48

Like I said earlier, she could get the I.L's and DH to do more! Even a little bit would help.

iggi777 · 27/08/2012 20:04

Dontmindifido we dealt with that situation by buying a single bed with a pull-out bed underneath it.

expatinscotland · 27/08/2012 20:19

You know, angelic, I think what I'd do, since your DH does FA and your ILs expect to be waited on, it leave them to it. Honestly, I'd go stay in a hotel overnight.

expatinscotland · 27/08/2012 20:27

Or, since you haven't asked them yet, don't. Go to theirs and stay in a hotel.