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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it is perfect reasonable to ask in-laws to stay in a hotel over christmas

223 replies

angelicstar · 27/08/2012 10:44

We have a 3 bed house with 2 kids and me and DH so obviously all the bedrooms are taken. We are going to ask the in-laws down for 2 nights over xmas and I have suggested to DH that they stay in a hotel which we will pay for. The hotel is in a nice area 5 mins walk from our house and is a perfectly nice hotel so its not hardship for them.

I think it will be much easier this way as we won't have to shuffle around the rooms (me and DCs are not great sleepers anywayso changing rooms will not help) and it will also give me my own space away from the in-laws (we don't get on that well). Hosting Christmas is hard enough as it is without unwanted overnight guests! If I am less stressed then everyone will be less stressed and getting a break from being a hostess overnight will make things alot easier for me.

However DH seems to think this is a bit unreasonable though and feels that we should put them up as it is "the least we can do". I also suspect that the in-laws might not be too happy as when I have tried to encourage them to stay in a hotel before they have resisted - but I just don't see what the problem is.AIBU??

OP posts:
RhinestoneCowgirl · 27/08/2012 11:00

I don't think YABU, but it seems that this is more about your less than friendly relationship with your in-laws than anything else.

We live in a 3-bed house. Last Christmas my mum and dad hired an appt near to us (was 2 bed so my brothers could stay for part of the time too) and visited every day. Was lovely! But then they had suggested the plan and so were happy with it.

btw MIL stayed with us in our one spare (folding) bed, we wouldn't really have had the space if she'd had a partner...

shrimponastick · 27/08/2012 11:00

YANBU

If it were only the one night, outof 'crazy' season -then fair enough - you could put the DC in one room and the ILs stay in your home. But two nights and long, long days of you all being squished in together would drive me round the twist.

If you can afford the hotel then I see nothing wrong with it. They will no doubt be at yours for the majority of the days, well into the evenings, so won't miss anything. However it still gives you private time to do whatyou would normally do i.e. go and have a twohour bath to unwind.

pictish · 27/08/2012 11:00

Also I find that I will be more hospitable if I get that bit of a break from them as I can be fresh again. I do like having guests but I find that with overnight stays you can't really let your hostess mask slip and that is tiring!

YY to this. Absolutely!

Doilooklikeatourist · 27/08/2012 11:00

Sounds like a good idea to me .
Inlaws get a bit of peace , you get you're own space and there's not a queue for the bathroom in the morning !

Morloth · 27/08/2012 11:01

Tricky.

YANBU to want them to, but I also think they would not be unreasonable to be hurt by it.

Just because they sit and wait to be served doesn't mean you have to serve them you know.

I would have them to stay but not go particularly out of my way (like LOTS of extra effort), tell DH that he will be doing all the setup of the rooms and the fetching and carrying etc.

You can be warm and welcoming without running yourself ragged.

Original poster
angelicstar · 27/08/2012 11:02

I am surprised that people would actually be insulted at being asked to stay in a hotel. Surely you would just see that it makes practical sense. Its not that we don't want them for xmas I just don't want them in my house for 48 hours non-stop! They would only really be in the hotel at night and then I would envisage them coming to breakfast at ours for say 9ish.

I think I would ask the same of my own parents too if they lived far away. In fact when we did live 200 miles from them they always offered to stay in a hotel if it was too much for us to put them up overnight.

My DC's are 2 and 4 btw and if put in the same room will NEVER go to sleep as they just keep each other awake and DC2 still wakes and crys in the night so will wake DC1

I do like AIBU though - even when I think I am being perfectly reasonable people will tell me I am not which always comes as a surprise Grin

OP posts:
FanOfSlippers · 27/08/2012 11:03

No no no, absolutely YANBU. Christmas can be 'magical' without martyrdom on your part.

To everyone saying 'YABU' - is it ok then that the OP has to have added stress at Christmas by moving her kids around and waiting on the in-laws? I genuinely don't understand why!

janey68 · 27/08/2012 11:03

There's a world of difference between the inlaws deciding that they want to stay in a hotel and having it decided for them.

I would prefer to wake up in a hotel bedroom on Christmas morning rather than in a house where I felt unwelcome.

However, what I would prefer MORE than either of those options is to wake up to a leisurely Christmas breakfast in my own bed!

Have you actually given the inlaws a chance to make their own plans? I think it's very odd to invite them to a hotel for Christmas.

futureunkown · 27/08/2012 11:05

I wouldn't invite them. As others have said, putting them in a hotel is just inhospitable. I think it is worse than not inviting them in the first place. If they offered to stay in a hotel then that would be different.

Can DH say something like "well we'd love to invite you for Christmas but of course we haven't got a spare room or even any spare beds". Might they then offer to stay in the hotel?

LindyHemming · 27/08/2012 11:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ajandjjmum · 27/08/2012 11:07

Ask your PIL what they would prefer - and accept their decision with a smile. Might be hard work for you, but I'm sure they put up with plenty of hard work raising your DH - and it's only for two days.

Morloth · 27/08/2012 11:08

My ILs and my Mum would be very hurt if I suggested this. It might not be rational, but there you go.

almapudden · 27/08/2012 11:09

YANBU. I would hate to have my inlaws to stay over Christmas, especially if I had young children. And I like my inlaws!

Original poster
angelicstar · 27/08/2012 11:10

I am listening to all opinions but to those who have said not to invite them at all surely as a grandparent you would prefer to spend xmas day with the grandkids and enjoy that and then stay in a hotel rather than not seeing them at xmas at all?!

OP posts:
mindosa · 27/08/2012 11:11

YABVVVVU

mindosa · 27/08/2012 11:11

I would rather not be invited than asked to stay in a hotel. Its insulting and thoughtless

Original poster
angelicstar · 27/08/2012 11:12

And why would people be hurt if asked to stay in a hotel? Surely you would appreciate that it would be quite hard to host xmas in a small house with young children - so it would be very selfish to demand to stay in someones house when you could ease the burden by staying a nearby hotel?

OP posts:
ladymariner · 27/08/2012 11:12

YABU. It's only 2 days. Why doesn't your dh get to have a say, it's his parents too.
When you say your own parents offered to stay in a hotel, did they in the end or did they stay at yours?

Nanny0gg · 27/08/2012 11:12

I've stayed in a hotel over Christmas more than once (different parts of the family) and I'm more than happy to do it (and we paid!).
It was comfortable, it was more private bathroom-wise and the sleep was undisturbed.
We could stay at the house as late as we all wanted and get there as early as wanted.

Not insulting - just practical.

ladymariner · 27/08/2012 11:12

Just read your last post. Why are you even asking anyone,it's obvious you've already made up your mind......

Waitingforastartofall · 27/08/2012 11:14

YANBU as the children will be excited, there will be lots of extra stuff in the house and it will be a strain on you however i love family christmas and wouldnt be happy to stay in a hotel over christmas so i suppose you just have to see how the ILS feel, good idea in principal if they dont mind!

janey68 · 27/08/2012 11:14

Gosh OP. I think the most unreasonable aspect is that you assume your inlaws are so desperate to spend christmas with your kids that they would rather stay in a hotel than not see them at all.

You sound rather bossy and controlling. Perhaps they would rather spend Christmas in their own home and then come over sometime in the new year to visit the grandkids

Chrysanthemum5 · 27/08/2012 11:15

I think it depends on what they would prefer. My sister loves my DCs, but her DC is grownup so she finds early mornings a pain (who doesn't!) and she would rather be in a hotel at night. Other relatives would want to see the DCs in the morning, have cuddles in bed with them etc.

So, overall I think YABU because you are thinking about what makes it better for you, not what your DH, his parents, or your DCs might want.

However, I am assuming your DH does his fair share, and that he entertains his parents. If it's all up to you then fair enough, you get the final decision!

Natnat29 · 27/08/2012 11:15

Yanbu at all, sounds like it would suit everyone all round

Original poster
angelicstar · 27/08/2012 11:15

ladymariner - yes my own parents stayed in a hotel a couple of times when they came up to visit us and were not bothered or offended by it at all.

OP posts: