To say fuck ruining your life, pay some bloody child maintenance

[MagicLlamaStrikesBack]

DS2(7) dad has chosen to have nothing to do with him.

He hasnt seen him now since just after Christmas. Prior to that hes seen him on about 5 occasions in the preceeding 12 months and that is the sum of his involvement in the whole of DSs life to date the fuckwit

Finally after being messed around with I will see him its just very difficult and lifes messy and whines about not knowing him, I in a fit of spiteful temper contacted the CSA in April. I let Ex know, cue a raft of text messages about his life being ruined, how he wouldnt be able afford to live, how selfish I was etc etc. Finally after me ignoring him he stopped texting.

The CSA have been useless a bit slow and its taken them until last week to actually get in contact with him, and ive received 4 missed calls from the Ex over the weekend, followed by a very self pitying facebook message yesterday, saying that they have assessed him at £375 per month!!! This will apparently ruin his life even more than me contacting him to try and get him to see DS did, he will not have any kind of life whilst he has to pay maintenance, it will mean he will lose his house, his partner is on the verge of leaving him because of this crap, he wont even be able to afford his dog, or his gym membership or even his (sob sob cry) fish.

My initial reponse if Fuck the Fuck Off, but I dont actually want to ruin his life, so am wobbling on the verge of backing down as all I wanted was for him to see DS.

I get the impression that lookingtoshinford has a well worn batman outfit hanging in the wardrobe.

Me too...

couthy I totally agree, he has a "bitch money grabbing ex" in his history somewhere, who he was happy to shag until things didnt go his way

lookto

There are morons out there willing to risk having an unwanted child in favor of an orgasm, That doesn't change the fact that they should take responsibility for that risk when it doesn't go their way.

You 100% don't want to be a Daddy? Stop "fucking".

Well if its the same one I saw in the news, it doesnt fit

No surely not, I'm sure that all of those superheroes are queuing up to pay maintenance and fully utilise their access rights to their children not bleating about the cost and ignoring their kids....

OMG Saggy, I'd missed that bit. What an idiot, who obviously has NO idea of what children are really like.

Maybe it's because he doesn't bother to see any children he has fathered?!

Being a single parent is no easy choice. I don't think there are many who would choose this purposely.

There are men who want children when they are in the marriage and still choose not to support them. The CSa take the minimum remember so no-one is being taken to the cleaners ever are they?

I'm sure what came as a surprise to the doctor was being told after he could do nothing about it, then having his further wishes completely ignored.

Uh-huh. So, according to you, this doctor had no idea that he cannot force a woman to have an abortion against her will. And he was completely clueless about the moral and legal obligation a parent has to provide for their child.

Essentially then you are claiming that this doctor, a man who presumably had sufficient brain cells to run together to make it through medical school, is so astonishingly thick that he has no ability to know how child maintenance works. Even though he was already paying child maintenance.

Why are you so desperate to portray this man as some idiot savant who is so lacking in worldliness and brains that he cannot be expected to know anything about the legal responsibilities of having children?

Yes, I'm sure they are, aren't they...

Am I arguing above you Saggy? Dont worry just keep reading and you might learn something about internet debates and how adults talk.

The OP got pregnant, failed to tell Dr Arse until it was too late for him to express his wishes on the matter, he expressed them anyway and now the OP is whining that he doesn't care about his son.

That pretty much sums it up. He will have to pay because the CSA says so, even though the OP brought the child into the world knowing the father wasn't interested and knowing she had choices.

I agree with her choice. I dont agree with her conduct since as it is very unfair and controlling.

If a man were forcing a woman who was pregnant to have a child she didnt want, what kind of abuse would it be categorised under CouthyMow?

Excatly Snorbs.

It's quite frankly patronising to all decent men out there.

I could find some sympathy for a man put into this position, but the way Dr Arse is acting now makes me lose it.

He made a mistake, as we all do, and he has to face some serious consequences. That's not great for him. But the fact is that whether he likes it or not, he brought this responsibility on by his own actions so he has to deal with it.

He owes his son some money, OP, you would be doing your son a disservice if you didn't take it on his behalf.

Am I arguing above you Saggy? Dont worry just keep reading and you might learn something about internet debates and how adults talk

BINGO!!!!!!

I got a full house on the "ill-informed patronising twat" card! What do I win?

I'm always amazed when this issue comes up, and people trot out that old 'I feel sorry for the men' crap. Like it's a walk in the park for the woman facing an unplanned pregnancy, the decision to go ahead or not, go through with pregnancy (physically as life-changing as it gets), giving birth, having to stop work/lose income, figure out how to support the child, work around the child, deal with the emotional fall out when the 'father' makes the choice to have fuck all to do with their own offspring etc. etc.

Are people just so used to expecting women to pick up the pieces, that the huge life altering situation of having a baby is dismissed as just an inconvenience to the reluctant father? Is having a baby, alone, with no partner to support you, physically, emotionally, financially, really seen as such an easy option?

Reducing this to a simple 'she could have aborted' argument really ignores how huge a decision that is, and how it can fuck you up whichever way you go with it. The OP has explained just how distressing it was for he to try and go through with a termination, and yet she's just told she should 'suck it up' and accept everything that happens from the moment she decided not to abort, is as a result of her decision alone.

Bollocks to that.

If a man were forcing a woman who was pregnant to have a child she didnt want, what kind of abuse would it be categorised under CouthyMow?

I dunno, ask the pope.

lookto what he said was that he couldn't deal with it at that time. That is not an expression of a wish with respect to the pregnancy.

looktoshinford - so are you basically saying that if a woman is pregnant and the father doesn't want anything to do with the baby she should basically decide between a) terminating or b) having the baby but legally absolving the father of all further connection to and responsibility towards the child?

Oooh, Touche bogey.

:o

Lookto, a bit of sex ed for you: Depending on the orifice one uses, fucking does not have to lead to pregnancy. Ejaculation of sperm into vagina does. Hence PIV. I hope I'm not shocking you here with this revelation although if you've been trying to conceive for a while...? Happy to draw a diagram.

This is why in sex ed boys are told that each time they have sex they could father a child, and thus they are responsible for contraception themselves, and should either wear a condom (as well as protecting against nasty diseases) or don't engage in sex that could lead to having a baby. For some that means abstinence, for others it might mean non PIV sex.

It's not a competition Banana. I could find sympathy for more than one person at the same time. Saying that I could feel sorry for a man in this position doesn't detract from the fact that the situation is a million times harder for a woman.

you still havent explained how she entraped him.
was it when they had sex in the knowledge that she was using contraception or was it when he said i dont want a kid after she told him she was pregnant?

and after she was pregnant what exactly do you surgest he could have done about it?

So lookto you seem to want the option for men to be able to fully disclaim the consequences of their actions and leave all the responsibility on the woman.

Having a termination is not a casual choice it can have emotional and physical consequences for a woman.

You seem to be advocating the right for men to say whilst the sex we engaged in was a mutual activity the consequences of that sex rest 100% with the woman.