To say fuck ruining your life, pay some bloody child maintenance

[MagicLlamaStrikesBack]

DS2(7) dad has chosen to have nothing to do with him.

He hasnt seen him now since just after Christmas. Prior to that hes seen him on about 5 occasions in the preceeding 12 months and that is the sum of his involvement in the whole of DSs life to date the fuckwit

Finally after being messed around with I will see him its just very difficult and lifes messy and whines about not knowing him, I in a fit of spiteful temper contacted the CSA in April. I let Ex know, cue a raft of text messages about his life being ruined, how he wouldnt be able afford to live, how selfish I was etc etc. Finally after me ignoring him he stopped texting.

The CSA have been useless a bit slow and its taken them until last week to actually get in contact with him, and ive received 4 missed calls from the Ex over the weekend, followed by a very self pitying facebook message yesterday, saying that they have assessed him at £375 per month!!! This will apparently ruin his life even more than me contacting him to try and get him to see DS did, he will not have any kind of life whilst he has to pay maintenance, it will mean he will lose his house, his partner is on the verge of leaving him because of this crap, he wont even be able to afford his dog, or his gym membership or even his (sob sob cry) fish.

My initial reponse if Fuck the Fuck Off, but I dont actually want to ruin his life, so am wobbling on the verge of backing down as all I wanted was for him to see DS.

the OP got pregnant by her own mistake

...Really?

"oh, and there are many women who do this purposefully"...
But if every bloke took responsibility for putting a condom on his penis every time he gets it out, then these alleged women wouldn't get the chance!
The minute a man gets it out without putting a condom on it, he's taking the risk of impregnating someone. It's that simple.

The maintenance the OP's Ex is being asked to pay amounts to just 3.9% of his annual salary.

For those that aren't getting that - this useless excuse for a Homo Sapien is whining about paying just 3.9% of his annual salary to the OP for maintenance.

HOW THE FUCK CAN ANYONE CALL HER MONEY-GRABBING AND STILL SLEEP AT FUCKING NIGHT?!

Lookto
Mortgage that leaves him with 400 a month - very very unlikely. Assuming he earns 100K that will leave him with say for ease of caculation 52k pa after tax and NI. That's 1k pw for bills etc. He is unlikely to be able to get a mortgage for much more than 4x his salary unless he has a large deposit so mortgage costs will be c2-2.5k pm against net salary of c4.3K.

So it is rather more likely that he has a mortgage that leaves him with a minimum of a paltry 2k pm to live on.

And what he has to pay to support other DC's IS NOT THE OP'S PROBLEM.

IT IS THAT MAN'S PROBLEM. He has numerous ways to prevent his maintenance bill increasing. Like ENSURING he doesn't get anyone else pregnant.

He obviously knew that he could afford to pay for another child, or surely he would have planned his family better by taking control of his own fertility to ensure that he didn't have a child he couldn't afford...

I'm so glad to see 99% of people on this thread talking sense and pointing out where the 1% whining 'poor ickle man made a baby and doesn't like it' is going wrong.

He's a doctor ffs. A 45yr old doctor when he made this child. He already had children. He knew how babies were ruddy well made and he knew how NOT to have a baby if he genuinely didn't want one!

OP, let the CSA do their thing. This man owes your ds - how the hell he can be such an irresponsible creep and so cruel to his own child is beyond me.

I suggest you purchase this book immediately looktoshinford

If it was some 14yr old boy that was the father I might have had some sympathy but a well educated, middle aged man - not a chance.

There is not a contraception on the planet that is 100% effective. As a doctor he would have known that.

"Got pregnant by her own mistake"? Wha?

Look, there may or may not be tragic male victims of the CSA out there. But this is hardly it.

You make it sound like she abseiled in to his bedroom at dead at night, took skin samples, and cloned a child from his DNA, and then demanded reimbursement for the lab costs!

Actually this one looks far more informative and gets straight to the point!

lookto
should you wish to have a debate about the csa in genral with actual regard to any facts stated by yourself as an op i will happily do so please do go and start a thread i would love to read that and offer my thoughts on your actual suituation as in your op,

but if we can stop it being about what ever your agenda or bugbare is and remember that THIS op clearly stated that an accident happened she informed him when she became aware she also informed him at birth he decided he wanted no input she attempted to deal with that being mindful of her childs needs.in no way did she trick or con drArse she did not deprive him of any relationship with his child he decided to do that.

so are you going to start your own or just carry on being a twat?

Sorry CouthyMow - I got as far as the pathetic 'PIV' and gave up (its 'fucking', BTW).

Snorbs - I'm sure what came as a surprise to the doctor was being told after he could do nothing about it, then having his further wishes completely ignored.

However you cut it, this kind of behavior is appalling. Its entrapment, plain and simple.

To the OPs credit, she respected his wishes for many years. But now shes decided to force her way into his life, ruining what is already there, for something that could be smoothed out with a little subtly and talk with her DS. The world is full of kids with one parent.

I'm not saying he shouldnt pay for his child. I'm just saying the OP has some brass balls expecting to force his hand and to do it 'guilt free' when she knows its hugely unfair.

Got pregnant by her own mistake? Did she inseminate herself with a vial of sperm that she stole from this man?!

Seriously, WHAT THE FUCK ?!

I thought I had heard everything from men, but this just polished the turd of excuses, doesn't it?!

He was a DOCTOR. Who one would hope has had enough medical training to know how a baby is made, and what steps can be taken to prevent that from happening. If my 10yo DS knows that there are ways to prevent a pregnancy, and which ones are foolproof (saying no unless you are willing to support that child for the rest of its life), then what fucking excuse can a 45yo fully grown, educated adult possibly have?!

(And yes, I know he's only 10, but there have been a lot of babies born around him in the last two years, and we have had age-appropriate discussions)

In what way is it unfair to expect a middle aged, extremely well paid man to pay 3.9% of his wages to support his own child?

my 12yo knows certain things about girls and sex and babies.

1. every time you have sex you risk a baby
2. every contraception is not foolproof they also dont all protect against sti's
3. he has control of a condom.
4. babies are for life not just xmas
5. they cost money if you have them then you need money.
6. if you have sex with anybody they may expect you to let them touch your xbox
7. if you dont want them to touch your xbox because you dont like them that much then dont have sex.

if he can understand this then a 45yo docter can

LookToShinford, I'm sorry, but you are making yourself sound like a total twat! I'm really sorry if you have been taken to the cleaners but really, take it somewhere else!

Of course he was told that the OP was pregnant after he could do anything about it. HE couldn't do anything about it by the time the OP had had the pregnancy confirmed.

He COULD however, have done something about it BEFORE then though. He could have taken control of his own fertility, and first of all ascertained that the OP was unsure of what she would do in the event of an unplanned pregnancy due to contraceptive failure.

If she answered that she was unsure, he could then have made some further choices : He could have worn a condom. He could have chosen not to take the risk that a baby would be born by not HAVING SEX.

Prior to all this, though, if he was so certain that he did not want either emotional OR financial responsibility for any further children, he could have had a vasectomy, this removing the risk.

The fact remains Look that as a doctor he above all people knows what is being risked when Peter Penis pays a visit to Valerie Vagina. So unless he wanted to be 100% sure that Freddy Foetus didnt join the party, he should have partied with Peter alone.

Anything that happens after that is a direct consequence of him being happy to have sex without Peter putting his macintosh on (which the OP was too, for which I think they were both being irresponsible from a health pov).

She respected his wishes but when exactly has he respected hers? It goes both ways you know. And as for entrapment, what a load of Billy Bollocks.

so now she entraped him? fancy explaining exactly how she did this

lookto
The OP's child doesn't have one parent - he has two.

It not entrapment, you clearly have a chip on your shoulder the size of a breeze block. Both of them had consensual sex, both of them relied on a form contraception that is not 100% effective. That contraception did not work. The result was a child neither of them expected. Entrapment would have required a conscious effort by the OP to mislead DrA, that did not happen. He was not mislead and given that he is a Dr he cannot pretend that he didn't understand that contraception is not 100% effective and that a failure of contraception may well result in a baby.

The same way I 'entrapped' my Ex-P when our first DS came out holding the fucking coil?!

NO contraceptive is 100% effective APART FROM SAYING NO.

I do feel sorry for men who end up in this position - i.e. with an unplanned pregnancy, from a non-serious relationship or a one-off where contraception was used but failed. I mean yes, technically of course they could just say no sex, or always insist on a condom (even though they can fail too) but really I don't think there are many men that would actually consistently go that far despite generally not wanting to conceive. And of course, ultimately the decision on whether or not to then go through with the pregnancy always lies with the woman. It must be tough to be a guy in this position facing a massive life-change that you don't want but now can't do anything about.

The thing is though, that's just the way nature works. Sometimes women get pregnant by accident, hell sometimes on purpose, and end up bringing children into the world that are unwanted by the fathers. Well, there's not really any kind of magical fix to that. Biology means its pretty much going to keep on happening and there's not much anyone can do about it. And organisations like the CSA exist in part to deal with that reality and make sure that people face up financially to the life they have brought into this world, accident or not. Fair? Maybe it doesn't seem it. But tons of stuff in life isn't fair. People get dealt shitty hands all the time and have to face the reality of it.

Anyway, I did feel quite sorry for this doctor guy at first. The situation surrounding the conception must have been pretty nightmarish for him. But that DOESNT excuse him from now facing up to his responsibilities, wanted or not. And the way that he has behaved, particularly in his recent communications with OP has just erased any sympathy I might have felt for him. £375 p/m FFS when you are in the top-earning wage bracket in the country. All this drama is just ridiculous. Cough up and go away. Job done.

Look, do you really think a 45yr old doctor who is already a father is too stupid to work out that when he has sex, it may result in a baby? And even if he was that stupid, is that any reason to allow him to escape his responsibilities?

Any man who doesn't want to be a father can avoid becoming a father, by not having sex, by using appropriate contraception, by having a vasectomy... people have explained this to you but you appear to be having some difficulty in understanding.

Does anyone else think that lookingtoshinford might just have been a bit blasé over his OWN fertility choices in the past?

And might be resentful that by NOT taking control of his fertility choices, he has FATHERED a child that he is now having to (quite rightly) support?

Did you really just suggest that the OP subtly convince her DS to forget about his father and bring him up alone? REALLY??