To not regret my decision for not 'telling off' other adults and letting my child still stay at the party

[Shinyshoes1]

My 4 year old DD1 was invited to a party yesterday along with other 4 year olds and the little boy who had turned 4.
There was a bouncy castle, face painting, loads for the kids to be doing and they were having a great time outside enjoying the 'ahem' great British weather.....................so were the adults who were all smoking weed.I was the only one that wasn't smoking weed. I'm a non smoker and my days of recreational drug taking finished the moment I decided to settle down and have a family.
DH has just popped a ballsack after finding out his daughter had 'breathed it in' and 'didn't I say anything' no I didn't there were about 15 ADULTS there all smoking weed, Who am I to dictate what they do. It was outside and apart from the obvious smell I doubt my daughter even noticed along with the other child whom are either oblivious to the smell or used to it. My DD when she had to use the loo was taken by me and escorted back outside as they were smoking it inside too and in such a confined space I didn't want he in there too long.

WIBU, SHould I have left in protest like my DH says? it's not like they were blowing it in the childrens faces. It was outdoors in a communial area

agree with 1 not necessarily 2
live affluent area and the would be cool hipsters i can imagine they do blow and pom bears

YANBU to have stayed although I would have been surprised to not see a bit more discretion being exercised as I am understanding this to have been a communal outdoor area ?

YABU to have told your DH about it though , my XH was a predictable reactionary arse about that kind of thing too

Those saying move area, ditch your address book etc are overeacting IMO as at 4 yo those DC wont have taken any notice and I wonder if some of them have just rolled their eyes at Uncle X or old friend Y drunk as lords at Christmas or family events - no different really

I agree with QS too, you need to seriously look at your friends, they don't really sound like good role models or parents do they?
They are not the sort of peole in would mix with as a mother

My DH would also have - as you so beautifully put it - 'popped a ballsack' and I'm not sure what I would have done either. I smoked enough weed back in the day, and I like a drink even now, but I just don't think it's necessary at a children's party.

I think I would have stayed for an hour or so and then made my excuses and left. I also don't think I would have told DH.

I think what's interesting is what are you going to do now, or the next time you get an invite. I was once at a kid's party where it became pretty clear that the parent was dealing from her door - I never went back to that house and only did meeting in the park as I didn't want DS round that kind of environment. I suspect if this is going to be 'the norm' then you're going to have to make a choice.

I can easily believe that many people were smoking weed at a kids party.Things like that happen all the time it often stinks around here constantly.I have been to kids party of friends were they have smoked weed drank etc but not since having my own children.I still see the people when out in adult events but my children mix in different groups.

Why do I get the invites to the parties at soft play

MN never ceases to amaze me. I must have led a sheltered life.
So many posters owning up to drug taking .
I don't know anyone who takes drugs.

Weed is everywhere people smoke it here in the high street, parks etc

I know loads of people that smoke weed. I forget it's illegal sometimes tbh

I think its my age but whenever I get a whiff of it at 10.15 am in the highstreet I am gobsmacked , is it legal or not I know the law changed but did it change back ?

Your DH is right on the money. You should've protected your child and left as soon as possible, not stay 4 hours. You don't have to tell off anybody. Just leave politely.

It's a bit much when people smoke it on the bus though

I once (many moons ago) had three puffs of homegrown and was visually and aurally hallucinating. And was blinking terrified.

Admittedly I get off my tits on two nurofen, but, call me old fashioned, no I don't want that mind altering shit near my family. I don't want stoners or pissheads in our lives. I do not think either should be as normalised as they are, as I've also witnessed the damage both can do.

Would I stop my kids from being around people who find it acceptable? In a heartbeat.

Just because everyone does it doesn't mean it's right. Oh wait that's what I tell the children......
It may be everywhere but I have never seen anyone I know using it.

ruby-you feel that alcohol is more harmful than weed? how would you know this? yes the results of excessive drinking or binge drinking is well known and of course the abuse of alcohol is wrong.

But how do you know weed is less harmful? there hasnt been enough studies done on the long term effects of smoking weed. As I said earlier-in my bil case trying to come off it repeatedly caused huge mood swings,paranoia and insomnia-he has been smoking it for 30 years and cant get off it even though he is in job where they are subject to drugs tests.

I know a lot of people think that weed should be decriminalised but at the moment it is still illegal and I think many posters would do well to remember that.

Anyone who doesn't think that regular use of weed doesn't cause problems is VERY naive.
Go head into your nearest prison and have a chat - lots of interesting cases in there.
Or go and talk to people involved with mental health work - you'll see lots of evidence there too.
Or go and just do some research!

Cannabis is a drug which can have long term negative affects.

Yes - alcohol can have too if misused.

Also - cannabis is illegal, whether you like it or not, it is. By remaining with lots of people smoking cannabis it means you are condoning it. Fair enough if you do - but to then condone it in front of your children?

As for reporting it - I work in a school and such knowledge HAS to be reported and followed up as a matter of great concern for the welfare of any children affected. If it came to my attention that a child in my school was at such a party I would have to report it within school, it would be written down as a concern and it would have to be followed up further. On the child protection grids we have to use one of the boxes is about whether a child is likely to be near criminal activity - being around someone who smokes cannabis would be a big highlight and it would go on record.

Cannabis may be used by some people - but it is not used by everyone, not even the majority of people. I knew of some who used it at university but since being out of that environment I have never knowingly been around anyone I know who uses cannabis (or other drugs). None of our friends do. Many, most infact, haven;t even tried it.

So yes - cannabis is used by some people and this is across all classes, all locations, all types.
BUT it is not used my MOST people and many people have no direct experience of it. We may have smelt it in places we have passed by but many people are not hanging around parties where loads of adults are openly smoking cannabis.

If DD was enjoying herself and oblivious to it then it was ok to stay. However, she will soon understand what they are doing and come to think it's normal, so I think you should avoid their parties in future. Plus, it's irresponsible to be off your face and looking after small children.

I'm with your DH, i think you should have left. I would have been very unhappy if my DH had kept my daughter in that environment. Keep adult activities for adult parties.

From my experience on here if the thread had been the ther way round, the responses may well have been different.

If OP had been a mum complaining that her DH had stayed at a party for four hours with their 4y, and everyone else was smoking cannabis alongside the playing children, then I reckon you'd have more posters saying her DH shopuldn't have stayed.

I think the majority of posters on here have said they would have left

kids in proximity of drugs it is a significant issue and it can trigger safeguarding
yes school would have to report if they became aware via school gate goss etc

I don't know if it is because I used to walk around with my eyes shut, or because I live in a city now when I used to live in a small town, but I think pot smoking has become more normalised now. You can smell it all over the place, people openly smoke it walking down the street, and you can smell it first thing in the morning. When i was a kid I only really whiffed it outside certain dodgy pubs.

It is so sad when people rely on it - my family member has had to have her 'smokes' every day for god knows how long. It has contribued to buggering up her life because of the mental problems it has caused/exacerbated.

As a ex smoker i dont like people smoking around me or my family. I would have voted with my feet and left.

I quit before having kids i dont see why i should now have to put up with other people smoking round them.

Wow and don't forget that next year the parties are usually without invited kids parents present and I'd have issues in leaving my child in the care of people who were openly smoking weed at their kids party whilst also looking after mine.

Thought there was a time and a place - clearly not.

Was this a big family part or something or where the weed smokers the parents of other kids. It there group drug culture at your school?