Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to expect my 9yo to watch the baby for a bit?

220 replies

technotwat · 02/06/2012 15:13

We are currently having major building work done on the house which means we are having to live in a caravan in the garden. We have a kettle and toaster in the caravan but cooking a proper meal has to be done in the chaos that passes for a kitchen.

I ask my 9yo to sit with my 20mo for 30 mins and watch cBeebies maybe every 2/3 days for this sort of reason - DP works, and the house is completely un-toddler-proof atm. Think loose brickwork, rewiring, missing windows...

I have tried all sorts to make it possible to get stuff done in the house - I can put him in a sling but then he kicks my hands when I am using knives etc, he will not sit in a highchair or buggy for more than 10 mins without screaming and then escaping from the straps... Distraction only works so far with him, he wants to be free to fiddle with stuff [sigh] and he isn't very stomach-orientated so I can't even feed him endless snacks to get him to sit still as he just isn't interested.

I need to cook some soup but DD is refusing point blank to do it today. Stropping, yelling, telling me its not her job and she doesn't want to because she is BUSY.

AIBU to tell her that means she will not get a cooked meal tonight and will have to make herself a sandwich for tea?

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 02/06/2012 15:15

Personally I'd think of a punishment that will affect her and not all of you.

Removal of a favourite toy?

Very early bed time?

That sort of thing.

LadySybildeChocolate · 02/06/2012 15:15

Hmm I wouldn't expect a 9 year old to watch a 20 month old, they are barely able to look after themselves at 9. I think you need to rethink what it is that you're eating, you're expecting fat too much from your 9 year old.

LadyTeeAndBiscuits · 02/06/2012 15:16

I think she's right. It's not her job. It's yours.

Buy a playpen, fill it with toys, put it in the house. If the baby screams after 10 minutes, let him scream.

Or have sandwiches until the work is done. Nothing wrong with a sandwich. No law says you have to have a cooked meal.

Oh and buy a cheap microwave for the caravan. You can cook lots of stuff in a microwave.

WorraLiberty · 02/06/2012 15:18

Why on earth is a 9yr old barely able to look after themselves? Shock

Any SN aside, of course they can.

My 9.5yr old goes to the shops, cooks, tidies and does many other things that involve looking after himself.

He could quite easily sit in a caravan in the garden watching TV with a toddler. If there were any problems, he'd phone my mobile.

PomBearWithAnOFRS · 02/06/2012 15:18

What happens when she's watching him and he has an accident? will you hold her responsible? Hmm Get a barbecue or camp stove on a table outside the caravan and cook there. Or eat sandwiches/takeaway/pot noodle type stuff.

Original poster
technotwat · 02/06/2012 15:19

Well, I'll only be about 10 meters away the whole time, and DS will sit still and watch TV for 30 mins ish. All she needs to do is come and read her book the same room as him really.

I only want to cook some soup which requires me to do some chopping, then I can just leave it cooking. Its not like I am making a 3 course meal Hmm

OP posts:
Xales · 02/06/2012 15:19

You want your 9YO to watch her younger sibling and then you are planning to 'punish' her for not doing so?

Way to breed sibling rivalry!

Go for it.

LadySybildeChocolate · 02/06/2012 15:19

Those 6 months make a huge difference, Worra.

TapirBackRider · 02/06/2012 15:20

What makes you think that your 20mth old will be any better behaved for your 9yr old?

What do you intend to do, lock them in the caravan whilst you are in the house?

Ragwort · 02/06/2012 15:20

No, I don't think you are being unreasonable to expect your DD to sit with your DS for 20 minutes in front of the TV - what would she be doing otherwise, she is hardly likely to be going out and about on her own is she? I would remind her that being helpful is part of family life. It would be different if you were expecting her to look after your DS for hours but 20 minutes is really not a big deal.

LadySybildeChocolate · 02/06/2012 15:20

Chop in the caravan or outside. You don't need a kitchen to do that.

lesstalkmoreaction · 02/06/2012 15:21

Thats what playpens are for, put her in it and get your jobs done. Stick some childrens songs on and sing with her.

naturalbaby · 02/06/2012 15:21

I can totally sympathise but it's not your situation is not your 9yr old's problem so why should she be punished for it? She's as fed up as you are but you are the grown up.

Why can't baby go in a playpen/travel cot filled with noisy toys while you prepare a meal?

birdsofshoreandsea · 02/06/2012 15:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
technotwat · 02/06/2012 15:21

The building work will take at least another 8 weeks, for which time I am not feeding them pot noodles and takeaways every day.

The caravan is less than 10 metres from the back door to the kitchen!

OP posts:
bronze · 02/06/2012 15:21

I have a nine year old who I would expect to help in this way with supervision (checking every now and then)
I would use rewards/bribes
Not sure what to do now she's not happy because I wouldn't trust her to be nice

RubyFakeNails · 02/06/2012 15:22

YANBU although I'd think of a better punishment.

What on earth is a 9 year old doing that means she is BUSY?

I would insist she does it, its not like it an arduous task if she's watching tv etc. Can you leave them together as planned even if she isn't that happy about it but with something like the baby monitor so you can listen in and go back after 15 mins rather than half an hour.

Once she has to do it and realises its not a big deal she will probably calm down.

Mrsjay · 02/06/2012 15:22

a 9 yr old can look after thenselves fine is the house far from the caravan cant they play in the garden while you cook ? and why cant you cook in the van , we Holiday in a caravan and i cook food ,

WorraLiberty · 02/06/2012 15:23

I think that would depend on the child Lady...they're all different.

OP, whilst I personally would chop the veg in the caravan and then take the toddler (strapped in his buggy) to the house, if you want your 9yr old to watch her for half an hour and you think it's safe, then she should do as she's told imo.

Kids don't get to strop and yell at their parents when asked to do something...well not in this house anyway.

But, I do think you should choose your battles and in this case you could quite easily look after the toddler yourself I think.

LadySybildeChocolate · 02/06/2012 15:23

Sorry, but a 20 month old isn't a baby. They are a handful. It's not a case of leaving a baby in a cot/crib. I wouldn't leave a 9 year old with a toddler, the amount of mischief they can cause is huge!

DogEared · 02/06/2012 15:26

I think you're being unreasonable. Your toddler sounds like a handful, a bit much for a 9 year old in my opinion. How on earth do you keep the toddler in his car seat when he's in the car, by the way?
I think if the 9-year-old felt happy to do it, it would be fine, but as she isn't, I think it's unfair and will lead to sibling rivalry.

Original poster
technotwat · 02/06/2012 15:26

He's not naughty - he just is no good in an environment filled with exciting dangerous shit! Its a static caravan with one part of it gated off with the playpen and totally childproofed.

And its not 'punishing' her IMO, its the natural consequence of her refusing to help out a bit. I will cook when DS goes to bed at 7 and she can have some of that, but I can't do anything sooner.

OP posts:
Mrsjay · 02/06/2012 15:26

there has to be a simple solution to this , is the garden dangerous how dangerous is the kitchen ? its ok for a toddler to scream for a bit they will calm down if you put them in a Highchair imo , get a gas bottle and cook in the caravan or a microwave ,

KitCat26 · 02/06/2012 15:27

YANBU.
At 9 its not unreasonable for your DD to sit in front of the tv with her sibling for 20mins.
But to save arguments in future I would get a playpen (or travel cot) with some toys, pop the telly on and leave the caravan door and your kitchen door open (or baby monitor).

Mrsjay · 02/06/2012 15:27

If its a static caravan then its bigger than i thought ,