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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to expect my 9yo to watch the baby for a bit?

220 replies

technotwat · 02/06/2012 15:13

We are currently having major building work done on the house which means we are having to live in a caravan in the garden. We have a kettle and toaster in the caravan but cooking a proper meal has to be done in the chaos that passes for a kitchen.

I ask my 9yo to sit with my 20mo for 30 mins and watch cBeebies maybe every 2/3 days for this sort of reason - DP works, and the house is completely un-toddler-proof atm. Think loose brickwork, rewiring, missing windows...

I have tried all sorts to make it possible to get stuff done in the house - I can put him in a sling but then he kicks my hands when I am using knives etc, he will not sit in a highchair or buggy for more than 10 mins without screaming and then escaping from the straps... Distraction only works so far with him, he wants to be free to fiddle with stuff [sigh] and he isn't very stomach-orientated so I can't even feed him endless snacks to get him to sit still as he just isn't interested.

I need to cook some soup but DD is refusing point blank to do it today. Stropping, yelling, telling me its not her job and she doesn't want to because she is BUSY.

AIBU to tell her that means she will not get a cooked meal tonight and will have to make herself a sandwich for tea?

OP posts:
Ragwort · 02/06/2012 18:19

I can't believe some of you expect a sister to be paid to watch her brother for 20 minutes Shock - no wonder there are so many unhelpful, spoiled brats with a sense of entitlement around Grin.

ll31 · 02/06/2012 18:20

agree nine year old should be able to watch 20month old - when you live in a family you all help - sometimes when you;'re a child that involves looking after younger siblings for brief times - am amazed at posters who seem to think this is unreasonable...

Fizzylemonade · 02/06/2012 18:22

Christ alive, this is not an every day situation where the OP is having a long bath whilst DD watches DS. They are living in very stressful circumstances and I think your 9 yr old should help out.

My son is just 9 and I would ask him to do this. I personally was a latch key kid at 8.4 and in charge of my 6 year old sister. That involved making my own lunch (sister had school dinners I was too fussy) a 5 minute walk to school, and back and the responsibility of a key.

This was due to working circumstances and was on-going.

OPs situation is totally different. She isn't be asked to do anything except be in the same room as Ds and call for her Mum if needed.

YANBU at all, everybody should understand they contribute to the running of a household, whether that is setting the table, putting washing into a laundry basket or watching out for another member of the family.

WhosPickleisThatOnion · 02/06/2012 18:26

My nephew is 9 and more than capable of doing what you described!

WhosPickleisThatOnion · 02/06/2012 18:29

Agree some odd responses, she isn't babysitting while op goes out ffs, just watching tv and calling if there is a problem.

It's a families job to stick together & help each other out. No paying!

Bet millions of 9 year olds do this. Billions even. All over the world, every day.

thatisall · 02/06/2012 18:29

YABU It isn't her job.

She shouldn't be speaking to you in a disrespectful manner, but to leave a little girl in charge of a toddler while you leave the building and enter another building is a bit much IMO. Perhaps she has spoken out because she doesn't like doing i or is frightened. Maybe your 20 month old will just have to scream for 10 minutes while you warm some soup ?

If I were you, I'd get a microwave in the caravan.

ledkr · 02/06/2012 18:31

Tbh I have massive age gaps 27,25,22,10 and 1 and i have made it a rule never to make the older dc babysit if they dont want to.

They are my children and i chose to have so many them.

However they are always happy to help out if i need them too but i wouldnt expect it iyswim?

ll31 · 02/06/2012 18:33

Leave the building and enter another building = did I miss something - or is one building not a caravan in the back garden of the other building... Think children are being ever more infantilised these days - not sure why... Was virtually accused of child cruelty the other day for letting 12 yr old ds walk home and spend 3 hrs in house on own one afternoon....

Original poster
technotwat · 02/06/2012 18:35

Well.... DD came and looked a bit teary and said she really wanted soup and that she'd take him to play in the garden while I cooked.

So she did. And I made some minestrone, we ate it, and now they are troughing strawberries and cream with DP.

I agree that she was being a brat - no apologies needed for saying it!

OP posts:
5madthings · 02/06/2012 18:36

the op has said she will be 10metres away, open door, open window etc, its not like she is buggering off down to the pub!

the dd can sit and read etc whilst little one watches tv, op says the little one is in a carseat happy to watch tv, andyes you can strap a nearly 2 yr old in a carseat depending on the seat, mine used the first stage carseat as a 'tv chair' in the house for ages after they outgrew it for using in the car and i could have strapped them in if needed (and did do on occasion) its fine! :)

WhosPickleisThatOnion · 02/06/2012 18:37

It's in the garden 20m away from kitchen, and ALL she has to do is call if needed. Not change his nappy bath him or anything like that, just call.

Seriously I think there is a bit of over reacting going on here!

5madthings · 02/06/2012 18:37

lovel technotwat glad you all got your soup! :)

thatisall · 02/06/2012 18:37

Il31 A 9 year old is not old enough to look after themselves, they should not be forcibly made to look after a baby. If she's said she doesn't want to do t, she shouldn't be punished for that!?? Shouldn't we be teaching children that it is right to speak up when we are uncomfortable about something.

I agree with ledkr if they help out then that's lovely, but if she is saying I don't want to then she shouldn't have to...it isnt the 9 year olds baby.

I have a 9 year old and a 20 month old niece funnily enough. Niece is boisterous as are most children that age, I would allow dd to watch her while I went to the loo, or leave then to lay while I cooked, but if it meant leaving them, going across the garden and into another house to cook for however long and my dd had said she wasn't happy with it, then NO I would not punish her, I would take the toddler with me.

merrymouse · 02/06/2012 18:39

I imagine there are many cultures, where the mum would strap the toddler to the 9 year old and go off to work.

5madthings · 02/06/2012 18:40

yes a 9yr old can look after themselves for a bit! mine walks home from school on his own (or bikes) its a half hour walk, he will also stay in the house on his own if i nip out to the shops etc, he can be on his own for an hour? and be quite happy, he knows not to answer the door and not to use the cooker, etc, can get himself a drink or a snack if he wants, is perfectly fine!

and no its not the 9yr olds baby but they are a family unit and that means all pitching in so stuff can get done, whether its sitting with a toddler watching tv or going and prepping the veg herself, either of which a 9yr old is capable of doing!

5madthings · 02/06/2012 18:41

she isnt uncomfortable with it, she said she was 'busy' and had a strop!

skybluepearl · 02/06/2012 18:45

I'd expect my 9 year old to look after my 9 year old for 20 mins with me close by. I don't often expect my kids to take responsibility for each other but sometimes it's unavoidable. They al do jobs though and we all try and work as a team daily.

LynetteScavo · 02/06/2012 18:46

If a 9yo looks after a 20 months old, don't be surprised if a serious accident happens.

5madthings · 02/06/2012 18:49

the 9y old and the 20mth old were going to be in a small toddler proofed area that was gated off, with the toddler watching tv! what serious accident would occur in that situation, esp with the mum in shouting distance and able to be there in under a minute!

WhosPickleisThatOnion · 02/06/2012 18:49

You can't be with children every second of every day.

NonAstemia · 02/06/2012 18:51

Well done OP. All's well that ends well then, and I think YWabsolutelyNOTBU!

Some utterly bonkers responses on this thread! Shock

5madthings · 02/06/2012 18:51

"Well, I'll only be about 10 meters away the whole time, and DS will sit still and watch TV for 30 mins ish. All she needs to do is come and read her book the same room as him really."

"Its a static caravan with one part of it gated off with the playpen and totally childproofed. "

with the mum that close and the toddler in a childproofed environment what serious injury is going to occur?!

Original poster
technotwat · 02/06/2012 18:51

Natural consequence is not punishment IMO - as I see it, the choice was help me get dinner on the table, or dinner won't get cooked and we will all make ourselves a sandwich. I could have managed, and if DD isn't here I would have taken him and dealt with the shrieking and escaping - but if she is here I dont see why she shouldn't spend 20 minutes making the whole thing a bit easier.

FWIW I'd have been in shouting distance the whole time, and would've checked on them every now and then. Plus, as I said, there is a gated toddler-proof area that they would have been sat in so a terrible acident was unlikely. I just am uncomfortable leaving him with nobody at all to yell me if needed.

OP posts:
ledkr · 02/06/2012 18:51

dd2 who is 1 often attacks dd1 10 and pulls her hair really hard,dd1 screams which dd2 loves and pulls harder.I have to prise her hands from her hair Shock id be worried that dd1 would lose her temper and then it would be my fault.

WhosPickleisThatOnion · 02/06/2012 18:52

Bonkers! Bonkers! What you did was normal.