to expect my 9yo to watch the baby for a bit?

[technotwat]

We are currently having major building work done on the house which means we are having to live in a caravan in the garden. We have a kettle and toaster in the caravan but cooking a proper meal has to be done in the chaos that passes for a kitchen.

I ask my 9yo to sit with my 20mo for 30 mins and watch cBeebies maybe every 2/3 days for this sort of reason - DP works, and the house is completely un-toddler-proof atm. Think loose brickwork, rewiring, missing windows...

I have tried all sorts to make it possible to get stuff done in the house - I can put him in a sling but then he kicks my hands when I am using knives etc, he will not sit in a highchair or buggy for more than 10 mins without screaming and then escaping from the straps... Distraction only works so far with him, he wants to be free to fiddle with stuff [sigh] and he isn't very stomach-orientated so I can't even feed him endless snacks to get him to sit still as he just isn't interested.

I need to cook some soup but DD is refusing point blank to do it today. Stropping, yelling, telling me its not her job and she doesn't want to because she is BUSY.

AIBU to tell her that means she will not get a cooked meal tonight and will have to make herself a sandwich for tea?

Do people really not expect Junior age DC to be able to help out when needed with younger DC, to cook a simple meal, to be able to put a load of washing in the machine, or to help them to empty the bins?

Apparently not-CardyMow-they didn't ask to be born and that lets them out of anything-the mother chose to have them so it 'is her job'!

The fact that some people wouled not expect their kids to babysit, does not make them slaves or the kids brats. I don't expect dd to look after ds, however she does have plenty of jobs. I feel that the responsibility of look after another child is too much for her. Simple really. Makes me laugh how people who do agree think this means these children don't do anything and are horrible and entitled. This is one aspect we are talking about. Generalization much?

Sort yourself exotic love.

Have you actually read your posts.

Do you know what you sound like?

Do people really not expect Junior age DC to be able to help out when needed with younger DC, to cook a simple meal, to be able to put a load of washing in the machine, or to help them to empty the bins?

I'm amazed at that as well. Even more so at the suggestion they should be paid for helping out with family tasks.

Apparently not-CardyMow-they didn't ask to be born and that lets them out of anything-the mother chose to have them so it 'is her job'!

yes because that's what everybody who disagrees with you has said.

You are a frother, it's actually quite funny.

Still firmly in the middle here.

I think there should be room for negotiating; for one type of child baby-sitting one type of toddler would be a perfectly reasonable thing to ask, for another type of child or another type of toddler you might want to look at an alternative way of letting them help with the situation.

I was a motherly type and my little brother adored me- fair ask. The young lad down the road was the toddler from hell- would have been a much bigger ask.

I also think there is a certain amount of molly-coddling of the toddler here: who says he can't be strapped in his buggy for a bit just because he doesn't like it? Don't all members of families have to be inconvenienced at times?

Basically, there seems no one answer here; more like several different possibilities.

Oh lordy its still going strong!

Its no so much that he doesn't like being strapped in - if he just wasn't keen on it then that would be tough tits.

But he screams, thrashes, and escapes. He will tip the buggy over by flinging himself side to side, he will get his arms out of the straps pretty much however tight I do them. It is really really stressful for me to be in a room with him doing that whilst trying to prepare a meal or whatever, and it isn't exactly fun for him either.

As for preparing meals while he naps [hollow laugh] that would only work if he did nap.

That sure is an extreme reaction to being strapped into a buggy techno Doesn't that behaviour in itself from your DS concern you a little?

Concerned that he demonstrates anger and at being strapped in and tries to escape?

I think it's called being willful and determined.

It will take him far.

i would say part of that is that he is being expected to sit in the buggy when its not moving, its one thing for a toddler to be in a buggy and be going somewhere, but just sat in a buiding site of a kitchen watching his mum cook, no he wants to get out and explore! how good is his speech? as he may well tantrum more if he cant explain he wants out.

my ds2 was a pita for tantrums in the pushchair, others were never as bad and i have some friends whose kids had humdinger tantrums like that over pushchairs, if i needed to go somewehre then it was just ignored but if you are trying to cook and there is a risk he can tip the pushchair over then its not really suitable and tho at the extreme end of a tantrum i dont think its that unusual, given my 5 and the various toddler i have known over the years!

What can I say, I've never seen it before.
Surey my boys used to express anger at being strapped in when they didn't want to but thrashing and knocking the buggy over as as response is not something I've experienced.

If wonder if those saying "children should do as they're told" think that under these circumstances it should also apply to DS?

To be wilful is not necessarily a good thing either (assuming we're using the same definition here)

Some children just have stronger tantrums than others. Not sure it would worry me. Dd was an arch tantrummer. Nothing wrong with her.

wonder if those saying "children should do as they're told" think that under these circumstances it should also apply to DS?

There's a bit of difference in their maturity and ability to understand the concept of co operative behaviour.

Yes I know ilovesooty.

I agree with you (it was a question I was asking not a point I was making). I wouldn't leave my son strapped in under those circumstances either.

When you live with a child who is willful and throws strong tantrums, and each day can be a battle, you tell yourself they will go far to save your sanity.

ROFS @ the thought of the DS doing what he is told and not thrashing about. [girn]

hahaha @ being concerned by his intense rage at being tied to a chair and sit there watching me chop carrots.

Sorry. No, it doesn't concern me in the slightest. He's nearly two. My experience of toddlers is that they have very strong emotions, and tend to express some of them through the mediums of screaming and flailing.

I do however expect a nine year old to have grown out of that and be able to respond to a bit of bloody reason.

At 9 years old if she won't watch the toddler while you cook then I guess she'll understand why she's not getting dinner? It's how it would work here

Sort yourself exotic love.

Have you actually read your posts.

Do you know what you sound like?

I am well sorted-they all muck in.
I have read my posts-I wrote them!
Whatever I sound like I obviously irritate you!

It is simple consequences as Trebles says-'don't mind the toddler and you make your own sandwich'. I can't see the problem-she has the choice.

Thing is, he sounds like a hard work toddler from what you've said here. The type who is wilful and stressful and thrashes about when thwarted. Just
like mine. And I'm sure he's a great kid, just like mine. But the fact is that these little balls of bossy tantrumming energy are nightmarish for older siblings to deal with at times. You find it stressful being with him in a kitchen when he's strapped down in a buggy... I bet he's a total pain in the arse for a 9 year old to manage. My 2 year old can run rings round her 13 year old twins brothers. I would go ballistic if my sons didn't help out with tidying, cooking, being good big brothers and, yes, I expect them to do these things routinely without payment as part of the families help each other out thang that others have mentioned. But when I ask them to look after her for 10 mins while I cook, their faces do fall every single time. Because she is a pain in the arse every single time! And it frequently falls through and it is not their fault.