Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to expect my 9yo to watch the baby for a bit?

220 replies

technotwat · 02/06/2012 15:13

We are currently having major building work done on the house which means we are having to live in a caravan in the garden. We have a kettle and toaster in the caravan but cooking a proper meal has to be done in the chaos that passes for a kitchen.

I ask my 9yo to sit with my 20mo for 30 mins and watch cBeebies maybe every 2/3 days for this sort of reason - DP works, and the house is completely un-toddler-proof atm. Think loose brickwork, rewiring, missing windows...

I have tried all sorts to make it possible to get stuff done in the house - I can put him in a sling but then he kicks my hands when I am using knives etc, he will not sit in a highchair or buggy for more than 10 mins without screaming and then escaping from the straps... Distraction only works so far with him, he wants to be free to fiddle with stuff [sigh] and he isn't very stomach-orientated so I can't even feed him endless snacks to get him to sit still as he just isn't interested.

I need to cook some soup but DD is refusing point blank to do it today. Stropping, yelling, telling me its not her job and she doesn't want to because she is BUSY.

AIBU to tell her that means she will not get a cooked meal tonight and will have to make herself a sandwich for tea?

OP posts:
ll31 · 02/06/2012 18:53

thatis all -= if a nine year old can't look after themselves - then I'd be concerned about the nine year old tbh.

5madthings · 02/06/2012 18:54

technotwat you were being perfectly reasonable and correct it wasnt a punishment it was a consequence, ie if you couldnt cook she could have made herself a sandwich. and as you say, toddlerproofed area, in shouting distance so you could be there very quickly so in the case of the hair pulling you would hear the shrieks! my dd (17mths) occasionally does this to the boys, interstingly the younger 2 boys recently chose to have their longish hair cut short!

glad its all sorted techno :)

5madthings · 02/06/2012 18:55

same her II31

i am really amazed at some of the responses on this thread tbh!

Shagmundfreud · 02/06/2012 18:57

YANBU

And no wonder so many children in the west grow up to be fecking useless teenagers and then extend their adolescence into their 30's.

Having a bit of responsibility for younger siblings builds their maturity, self respect and confidence. God knows most kids in the UK spend almost all their time pleasing themselves. What sort of preparation is THAT for a productive adult life?

orienteerer · 02/06/2012 18:58

DS 9 has no siblings and would LOVE the responsibility, but of course it would be a novelty.

LynetteScavo · 02/06/2012 19:00

If a 9 yo can look after themselves, why do we still cook their meals, wash their clothes and help them with homework and tell them they can't go into town on their own?

My 13yo can do all of the above (actually he can't put his clothes in the washing basket, but he can put them in the machine. Hmm). My 9yo can't.

If it's safe to leave the 20 month alone in the caravan, then fine, leave them. But don't expect another child to look after them.

Shagmundfreud · 02/06/2012 19:02

Should add - I would have no problem asking my 8 year old DS to do this. None at all. Actually I might even ask my ASD 6 year old to do it, if I was in shouting distance. But then I grew up in countries where it was quite normal to see 5 and 6 year olds hefting babies around on their hips.

scummymummy · 02/06/2012 19:04

My toddler rarely sits still to watch cbeebies. She is into everything, wants to rule the roost and boss everyone about, especially her brothers. Supervising her is often a major operation. She hates it if someone is on a computer or reading a book, wanting full attention at all times! She is also my biggest fan atm, so constantly tries to escape from her brothers and find out what I'm doing. So I am very grateful when my 13 y.o. sons look after her for a short while if I really need to get on with something else. I do ask them fairly regularly but I absolutely don't kid myself that it is not hard work for them and they find it frustrating at times. So unless you have a very placid toddler, I do have some sympathy with your daughter. She's also that much younger at 9 so may find difficult behaviour hard to handle.

5madthings · 02/06/2012 19:05

my 9yr old can cook, he would have happily prepared the veg for a soup and does so at home, he can go out on his own to the local shop or park and walk home from school on his own.

he can load the washing machine and turn it on (providing i tell him what setting to put it on)

its 20mins with a parent very close by and a toddler engrossed in the tv, as i said i would have said, sit here with the toddler or go and prepare the veg giving them the choice of how they wanted to help :)

WhosPickleisThatOnion · 02/06/2012 19:07

She wasn't asking him to do laundry go to town or pop to tesco though. Just sit I the same room for 20 mins. So don't see your point.

A 9 year old is capable of sitting with a toddler for 20 mins.

PrincessTamTam · 02/06/2012 19:07

YANBU - it is part of family life to do things you don't want to occasionally in order to help out, and we all need to learn this. We should not be slaves to our children, if we are we do them a disservice.
Yes, a 20 month old is a handful but if they are safer in the caravan which is childproofed, then a 9 yr old is perfectly capable of sitting in the van for a bit while you cook 10 metres away. A baby monitor is a good idea too.
But really it's a no brainer imho.

5madthings · 02/06/2012 19:08

oickles plenty of 9yr olds are capable of doing laundry, and going out on their own as well, depending on where you live and like you say it was 20 mins sitting in the same room, with a parent close by!

LadySybildeChocolate · 02/06/2012 19:08

Seriously though, techno. What are you going to do when DD is at school? I really do think that you need to plan this. You can chop in the caravan, you don't need to be in a kitchen to do this. I know it's easier, but you're going to have this problem again and again. I really do think that you could do with a microwave, an electric steamer or some means of heating up your food.

5madthings · 02/06/2012 19:09

i would imagine when her dd is school she can find a way around it or put up with the toddler crying for a bit, but in this situation she didnt have to.

merrymouse · 02/06/2012 19:14

Unless she is at boarding school I imagine she is usually around at tea time

WhosPickleisThatOnion · 02/06/2012 19:17

My nephew could, he is 9 and when he comes he often sits with my 18 month ds when I'm making their lunch etc. he knows to call if ds is doing something daft.

It's not like I'm sending him down a mine!

thatisall · 02/06/2012 19:28

My dh just made a good point , if the toddler is so active and difficult that the mother can't control him for 10 mins, then what hope does the nine year old have?

WhiteWidow · 02/06/2012 19:30

You're describing the baby to be hard work but then expect your nine year old to babysit?
It's not her job it's yours. Let her be a child.

5madthings · 02/06/2012 19:36

the mother finds it hard when she is in a non child proofed area ie a building site with him! she is talking about leaving him in small enclosed childproofed space where he is watching tv, i think she said he was actually in a carseat as well?

she isnt babysitting, the mum isnt leaving htem to go out, she is close by, have you never left a toddler in a room with another sibling whilst you went to another room?

she would have been 10 metres away, in shouting distance and regularly popping her head round the door, whilst the toddler watched tv and the dd read a book, god its not exactly child labour ffs!

Original poster
technotwat · 02/06/2012 19:38

Its not that he can't be controlled for 20 minutes - read what I wrote!

He is absolutely fine in a safe environment where he can play with his own stuff or watch a bit of kids TV. Pretty chilled, in fact, and certainly not uncontrollable. He will sit and chat to himself and play with his farm animals and build with duplo.

The kitchen is in the middle of a building site. Its not a safe place to have a toddler. This is compounded by the fact that he HATES being strapped into anything and screams/escapes - he really does have a 'thing' about straps, no idea why. This makes me stressed and also makes everything take 3x as long because I have to keep rescuing/re-strapping/restraining a frustrated wriggly shrieking small child.

OP posts:
5madthings · 02/06/2012 19:41

sorry techno was answering for you there Blush

the two situations are very different as you say, one he is fine in, the other understandably is hard work and you can avoid that by leaving him with dd for 20mins wiht you close by, seems the obvious solution to me! :)

WhosPickleisThatOnion · 02/06/2012 19:43

Let her be a child! It's twenty cocking minutes watching c beebies! Not a lifetime of servitude!

Really! Come on!!!!!

GnocchiNineDoors · 02/06/2012 19:43

So you take you dd out of her happy environment to make sure ds is safe in his happy environment. You don't take ds into the kitchen with you as this would make him unhappy.

Does your DSs wants always come before your DDs?

WhosPickleisThatOnion · 02/06/2012 19:44

It's pointless op. Pointless!

WhosPickleisThatOnion · 02/06/2012 19:45

It's TWENTY minutes. TWENTY! Are we all reading the same stuff here?